Wondering what really went down with James Deen, Farrah Abraham, and the making of their porn? Curious how James feels about his experience in the tabloid storm and his reactions to the negative things Farrah said about him? Too bad: “I just want the drama to end, I don’t want to talk about it.” Just kidding! A recent episode of the Woodrocket Podcast put James on the Real Talk Express and talks about Farrah, Lindsay Lohan, and even the “Novel” project.

When you think about it, reality TV and porn aren’t that different. So they make good bed fellows, no? Turns out these days you can even make a “sex tape” with the world’s most famous male porn star and sell it to Vivid. Is that called “leaking a sex tape” or is it called “making a porno”? Do we need to call it that lest our brains explode from “real people” fucking “porn stars”?!

Take a guess. It’s the fucking, right? Yeah, sort of! More precisely, it’s the energetic, back-arching, sweat-drenching, piston-powered loins of fire style fucking that James is known for that helps keep him looking so lean and mean. But there’s more to it than that! Read and learn!

You know how some realtors bake cookies to lure buyers? Well, Jesse Jane has sex with them. SOLD!

Chastity Lynn landed a sweet babysitting gig looking after Dana DeArmond’s youngster, but Dana’s stories about her ex-husband are filling Chastity with a bitter hatred for a man she’s never met. What do you think will happen with Chastity finally meets Dana’s ex? Do you think there’ll be banging? Yep!

Chloe Camilla has one of our all-time favorite porn faces. Yes, her face is impossibly pretty, like perfect from every angle and doing any thing pretty. Yes, it’s classically sweet and innocent with a spark of mischief. It’s the kind of face that seems like it should always be doing something wholesome like selling pie, which gives it that lovely high contrast quality when she is using her face to, say, eat a dick.

In case you didn’t get the memo, nobody shakes hands anymore. For one, it’s an outdated mode of expression that many cultures don’t practice. Second, your hand is the germiest part of your body. Third, nothing says “I’m down with the program” quite like the overwhelming tightness and genital unity of a good double penetration. Keep this in mind for your next business meeting.

Erik Everhard’s sister is coming to visit, and he’s very nicely asked his studly roommates not to have sex with her. Sorry, Erik: you forgot to put “Not Fucking My Sister” on the chore wheel, so nobody has to do what you say.

This all started when the guitarist for Bend Sinister, Joseph Blood, was cast as an extra in an adult film, met James Deen, and passed him a copy of his band’s new CD. James loved it, he got Lee Roy Myers to love it, and the two of them drove out to the Mojave desert to film James rocking his face off while dressed like Rob Halford. The song is epic, the video is fun, and the special effects on James’s body should always be on James’s body.

Ah, we remember when anal was an unexplored frontier for us, virginal territory that remained uncharted due to trepidation, uncertainty, and/or impatience. Ha! Those days are long gone. But as much as we relish some good back-end loving, we still don’t possess quite the acrobatics or sheer physicality required to pull off some of these feats. May we sit back in slackjawed, wet-pantied awe at these anal masters at work.

And no, we’re not talking about “Cowboys & Engines.” James Deen recently tweeted a teaser trailer for something called “NOVEL,” written and directed by Samuel Gonzalez Jr. All the teaser tells us is that it’s about “the greatest American conspiracy ever told” which comes from “the most controversial novel ever written.” We’re looking at old timey costumes, guns, and James Deen with a busted face. What do you think?

House-sitting seems like a simple enough job for Stoya. All she has to do is hang out in a rich person’s abode, keep the lights on, water the plants, and not let her ex-boyfriend come over and bang her breathless. She can do that, right? Everybody seems to forget how unbelievably boring house-sitting is; it’s super boring, and a girl like Stoya can get super horny when she’s bored.

By our count, the age-bending sex and hardcore humping that goes down in “The Stepmother 8″ will mess up one marriage for sure, and possibly interfere with the foundation of a second marriage. But who knows if it’ll stop there? It’s possible that after watching this film, you’ll be inspired to leave your wife for her hot mom. It’s sinspirational cinema.

Jesse Jane is a superstar romance novelist whose books have been burning up the shelves and filling the fantasies of countless readers, but her life lacks the passion she writes about. A gal can only scribble sexy ideas down for so long before they start to seep into her brain, and Jesse has reached the point where she’s desperately craving real, fleshy, nasty human contact.

Dana Vespoli’s first (and highly anticipated) feature for Evil Angel is as economical as it is trippy; it’s the type of movie informed by the Golden Age of Porn but executed with 21st century sensibilities; there’s a clear—if surreal—narrative that shapes itself around the sex, which is both hard and compelling. No arty cutaways that make us forget it’s a porn film.

How is it that these teens are able to handle such big penises? It’s the question we ask every time we look at a film from this series, but we think we’ve finally figured out the answer: spit. Yes, all it takes is a little (make that a lot) of saliva and mucus to get the dick all slick and slippery and ready for action. You could also use some store-bought lubricant, but for the personal touch that shows you care, nothing says lovin’ like something from the lower reaches of your esophagus.