Oh, you remembered Mother’s Day, too? What’d you do, get your mom some flowers? Bouquets are scepters of apology. Lexington Steele didn’t just get a gift for one special lady, he made a movie called “Lex is a Motherfucker” so he can enchant horny MILFs and MILFs-to-be all over the world with his wonderful wand-like wang. You better step your game up for Father’s Day.
It’s finally happening, guys: Lee Roy Myers is making a “Game of Thrones” porn parody (working title: “Game of Boners.” In our imagination, anyway). The legendary director has posted a casting call…and our brains have started feverishly imagining which porn performers could best personify our Westerosi heroes. Our picks (for some of them) below (and share yours in the comments).
In this edition of “MILFs Seeking Boys,” it seems like the MILFs aren’t necessarily on the prowl for young man penis, but instead find that the only way they can help the immature minds around them is to break them down (with fucking) and build them up again (with more fucking). They’re like the MKUltra of MILFs.
Tommy Pistol and Mike Quasar return with a second “How To Make A Cheap Porno,” their sad, cheesy, I’m-Going-To-Hell celebration of things funny because they’re true.
Perhaps it’s true that people can use porn to learn how to have sex (though piledrivers are silly), but it’s rare that erotic interludes teach us something useful. Kevin Moore’s “Hooker Experience” is such a movie, for it teaches us how to be an ally to sex workers.
Maybe that’s not the kind of message a lot of chicks would want on their Valentine’s card, but Cherry Torn is a different sorta lady. She’s the kind of gal who will order you corned beef hash in the morning without even being asked, she’ll tell you stories about teddy bears and fairies, and she’ll reverse cowgirl your cock whilst bound to the ceiling.
To some, the sight of a diabolical dong strikes fear deep into their very hearts. Others get all juiced up and start gathering the spit lube, because challenges equate strenuous yet rewarding good times, and challenges made of cocks are even better.
Xander Corvus and Avril Hall have just moved in with India Summer; obviously that means Xander is going to have sex with India at some point. But how does Evan Stone fit into this? Who invited him over to have sex with everything? Why does he constantly play roles like that?
Moms, dude. Moms. They give us life, liberty, and love, and we don’t even give them paid maternity leave. They have it hard, therefore, they deserve to get it hard from world class pornstars while their ungrateful husbands watch. Only in this way will balance on Earth be restored.
Shane Diesel: ladies want him, men want to be him. Then again, there are a number of men who just want to be near him while he fucks their wives so they can watch Shane pleasure their pussies in ways never before imagined. God bless those merry wittols.
You know how these things go: young couple loses interest in sex, wise friend suggests some kinky biz, secret passions are unleashed, new body parts are brought into the bedroom, relationship strength is restored. It’s essentially the classic Hero’s Journey with more facesitting.
We’re really excited about this one. At first, we thought the plot was going to be boring because they managed to circumvent the incesty stuff, but then we realized that they’re feinting and hitting us with a deep-rooted Electra complex! Yes! Who’s ready to raise their eyebrows at some strange family dynamics? We are.
By the end of New Sensations’ superb “Torn,” you, too, will risk your marriage for a chance to cheat with Remy La Croix. But you will also want to work it out with India Summer. And you’ll probably get some action on the side from Raylene, who is free-spirited.
You don’t have to have liked the original to appreciate the humor and sheer porncraft of “Dallas XXX.” In fact, I think this one is better.
India Summer doesn’t know what to do about her rebellious son, Richie Deville, but when Veronica Avluv comes to visit with her husband, India hopes her boy might benefit from the positive male influence in the house. Oh, Richie benefits all right–more like, his mother’s best friend with benefits!
Think about it: five people, living in the same house, constantly having sex. It probably smells like humans in heat! They probably wash their sheets every day! Instead of greeting each other good morning, they probably just nod and plug in Glade air fresheners! Anyway, you get the idea; they’re all very sexually active and we’re sure it makes for a unique living situation.
I’m not gonna even lie. I picked “Craving II” from the box ‘o’ porn at Fleshbot HQ because it looked hilarious. It’s a naughty take on fairy tales, a favorite topic of mine, and while Grimm’s stories have been Disneyfied over the years, I’m pretty sure that they never thought Rumpelstiltskin’s work-for-trade arrangement involved beejs with the miller’s daughter.
Did India Summer read the manual before hopping her hot MILFy body on that swing? Nope. Does she know if she’s doing it right? Not necessarily. But Marcus London has an easy time banging her airborne booty, so nothing else really matters. We don’t usually think that the ends justify
It’s science: If Juliet is indeed the Sun, it makes sense for Romeo to get to the hottest part of her. Romeo & Juliet Studio: DreamZone Director: Lee Roy Myers Starring: Rocco Reed, Chanel Preston, Andy San Dimas, Anthony Rosano, Ann Marie Rios, Brian Street Team, India Summer, Tom Byron