Ah, now this is the “Game of Thrones” we know and love. The last time we saw Emilia Clarke naked was the end of season one; it’s been ages since she’s graced us with her presence! And better yet, she’s brought a happy hooker playing Blind Man’s Bluff as well as more hot sex that quickly turns gruesome for the unlucky man.
Poor Theon Greyjoy. Here he thinks he’s getting laid by two gorgeous and horny women with filthy mouths, and they start grinding on him and grabbing his dick and all that good stuff, but then it all goes downhill from there. And we’re pretty sure that when Theon gets knocked in the face with the horn, the thing that really hurts him is landing on his dong.
Pardon us for being a little late with this “Game of Thrones” clip; when we saw it, our jaws hit the floor so hard we had to dig ourselves out of the crater. The last episode taught us the benefits of sticking by Tyrion’s side. If he really likes you, he won’t just get you laid, he’ll hook you up with two gorgeous babes and a contortionist. Fruit baskets are officially passe.
Bronn is now a knight, and his elevated status has come with an appreciation for the finer things in life. Unfortunately, just as he’s about to undress a prostitute with his teeth, a messenger arrives and completely salts his game. We’re proud of Bronn for not killing anybody.
We were already proud of Shiri Appleby for schooling her beastly boyfriend Adam in the bedroom with lines like, “I can like your cock and not be a whore.” But then we saw the full frontal self-shot that’s allegedly of Shiri Appleby, and this double whammy delivered our heart directly to her. Come, look at the photo and tell us what you think!
As far as we know, that right there is the first time a puddle of semen on a beautiful young woman’s naked chest has been shown on American television. We could be totally wrong about that though; nobody really keeps data about the number of times jizz has been on TV.
This episode of “Girls” departed from the usual quagmire of angst and absurdity to give us (and Hannah) a brief vacation at a rich doctor’s brownstone. She stayed at his place for two days of nonstop fucking, fingering, and ping pong. Then she got in his fancy steam shower, fainted, had an emotional breakdown, and everything changed.
We’re not saying (Jessa) Jemima Kirke is our favorite person on “Girls,” but she might be our favorite this week. First of all, she taunts Thomas John with her titty and later takes a bath with Hannah–that’s two whole nude scenes! Secondly, her marriage ended and we feel like we should shower her with love in her time of strife.
Hannah is pissed. As you may recall, Elijah (her roommate/ex-boyfriend who came out after they broke up) and Marnie (her best friend/former roommate) had sex two weeks ago, and now that Hannah’s learned about it, she’s furious with everyone. Fortunately for us, her fury prevents her from changing out of the yellow mesh top that shows her breasts. Silver linings!
We love everybody on “Shameless”–we can’t forget about how good Emmy Rossum has been to us–and we’re delighted that the new season has finally hit TV, but we’d be lying if we claimed we were posting this for any other reason besides Shanola Hampton’s scene. Time and time again, that woman delivers nudity with buckets and buckets of creative kink, and this season premiere holds no differences. Behold as she demands to have her ass munched!
As far as our records show us, Lena Dunham has been naked on camera many, many times, and she’s had sex scenes with more than a few dudes, but she’s never before had on-camera sex with a black guy. But guess what? That’s all changed–she’s fucking Donald Glover now!
Guess what’s going on this weekend? Sexy TV time! A new season of “Girls” begins this Sunday, and even if Lena Dunham doesn’t get naked this time around (and we’re betting she will), we already have confirmed nudity from Shiri Appleby in later episodes. Plus, Ivana Milicevic’s first nude scene will hit Cinemax this Friday for the premiere of their newest series, “Banshee.” Good times lie ahead!
If you must fall off the wagon, you might as well land on some boobs, right? No? Well, too late. Sonny did his thing with a dancer played by Juliet Reeves, and we knew that she had him as soon as she rubbed his eyes with her breasts. It’s a surefire way to seduce men, and it’s also a nifty way to relieve glaucoma pressure.
Spoiler alert: we’re going to be talking about Gillian (Gretchen Mol) and what she’s been up to, so if you haven’t seen the latest episode, you… will probably not be surprised. Long story short, that Roger character she’s been banging/turning into Jimmy is now dead. Guess why. And no, it wasn’t Gretchen’s killer good looks that did him in, but good guess.
Our favorite TV MILF is back and she’s just as crazy and creepy as ever. She knows she needs to get over the death of her son, Jimmy, so she hits the streets, finds a nice strong man named Roger, screws his brains out, and then casually says she’s going to call him James from now on. Oh, Gretchen, you freak.
Isn’t this a lovely coincidence? Last Thursday we explored the dangers and dynamics of erotic asphyxiation, and last night Gyp Rosetti ends up with a belt around his throat, his hand on his cock, and a fully naked Kathryn Barnhardt choking him half to death.
Both “Treme” and “Dexter” pleasured us last night by delivering bare body parts to our television sets, and for that, we are eternally grateful to the TV nudity gods. Unfortunately, each show only had about ten seconds of skin each, so we smashed ‘em together into one video. We’re saving you time!
It’s been a full year since “Boardwalk Empire” gave us a glimpse at the sexy action going on in the servants’ quarters, but we’re finally back with the maid, Katy (Heather Lind), and life is good. She has beautiful curls, giddy sexuality, and she may be in the process of inventing phone sex!
So, as you probably know, Van Alden is now living in Chicago, working as a salesman, and shacked up with a beautiful Norwegian woman named Sigrid (played by Christiane Seidel). What you didn’t know–at least until last night’s episode–is that Sigrid’s idea of dirty talk is nothing but innuendo-laden sales encouragement and it turns us on so very powerfully.
Oh damn, now we’re embarrassed. When we mentioned “Treme” on our Fall TV Guide, we said we doubted this show would bring any nudity this season because they only delivered boobs once during a Mardi Gras episode. Well, it’s the first episode of the season and Kim Dickens’s breasts have shut us up quite quickly.