To be real, we could watch Lorelei Lee read the back of a cereal box and be engrossed. On the other hand, thank gooooodness Lorelei Lee chose the profession of “epic porn star” and not “epic back of cereal box reader” (we’re assuming that would be some sort of performance art thing).

We’re not sure if it’s medically validated, but we’re pretty sure facials are great for your health. They’re great for skin, they elevate seratonin levels, and they strengthen tooth enamel (hence the importance of the smile). But, uh, okay. In reality these likely factoids aren’t 100% true. But that doesn’t really matter to us! Because they make us feel good, that’s all.

That Mandy! She really knows how to have a good time — yet also remain green and efficient. You see, once she drinks all the vodka from the bottle, she hops aboard the whole “Reuse, recycle, reduce” train and re-utilizes that thing as a stellar masturbator! She should probably be the spokesbabe for some nationwide campaign where everyone sends all their recyclables to her, to bang them. We think that makes sense as a plan. Who said environmental consciousness couldn’t be smoking hot?

Did you know that the most commonly reported sexual problem for heterosexual couples is that the man’s penis is too large? (We may have mentioned this in the past.) No one in this movie has any complaints of that nature; we just wanted to make sure you don’t feel bad for having a cock smaller than Mandingo’s. We’re all in that boat with you, brother.

There exists a category of amateur-style professionalish porn that may be beautiful ladies’ and hottie dudes’ first foray into video smutdom. Or, hey, it just may be a dirty little hobby these folks like to indulge in on occasion. Whatever the case, we’re happy they’re into it — ’cause so are we.

We were fans of the series as is, but if things had taken such sexy turns while we were reading we would have snuck out the flashlight and read all night. This blonde biddie has taken things to the next level, getting a friend involved to live out the plot in all its smutty detail. Awesomely, the tale revolves around a lot of cunnilingus and bangin’.

It’s a combination of which we’ll never tire. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, like Abbott and Costello, like dicks and cumsluts. Timeless, really. And all it takes to bring about the magic is a deft handie, kind of like the one this lusciously be-breasted lady is bestowing upon her lucky man. All these elements are so complementary, a jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces fall right into place. Then get covered in cum. You know the kind!

We don’t even really have the space, but we’ll make it work for her. If she just stays perched up there on the couch like that, she doesn’t even have to pay rent. All we ask is that she let us sup upon her fantastic puss on occasion. Move over, Diane Deluna! Or on second thought, stay right there. We’ll make room for both of y’all. It’ll be fun! We’ll make family dinners, watch some great TV together, share some laughs and cunnilingus duties. This will work out mighty fine.

After the first “Black Anal Addiction” film hit stores, Mike Adriano’s family staged an intervention to address his addiction to eating black anuses. After that, a battalion of Mike’s fans staged an intervention on Mike’s family to ask them not to intervene with Mike’s way of life. Call us enablers if you must, we prefer to think of ourselves as conservationists and anthropologists (and black anal addicts by proxy).

‘Tis a lovely place to be, we gather — at least from this video evidence. Just piledriving your voluptuous lover’s ass until you bust a load deep inside her… Ahh. It makes us feel effervescent as a tall glass of champagne. That we kind of want to suck down then scoot aside so that we can engage in our own cool piledriving fun. Doesn’t that sound fun for everyone?

Or at least they go a long way in helping! See, people who want to cause trouble and mess with other people’s good vibes should just take a step back, and think of this. Arabelle Raphael’s glorious double-F tatas bounding up and down — how could anyone want to do anything other than spread rainbows and unicorns and sparkles across this world of such beauty?

Maybe it’s “okay,” but I don’t believe that Eva Karera is this guy’s mother in-law. He’s not wearing a wedding ring, and Karera refers to the unseen woman as her daughter, not his wife, or even the more familiar “Becky.” See? The Social Contract has been broken already.

Well, doesn’t that sound like an idyllic sort of evening? We imagine you’ve just come home from the opera, those falsettos and trills really have you feeling pretty enlivened and lustful. You get home, toss away the binoculars, rip away your furs and tuxedo jackets, and head out to the sparkling night lights of the balcony.

It seems like an innocent enough question, especially when a whirring Magic Wand is being held to your clit, a dude is fucking you in the ass, and another is choking you out — under any normal circumstances (heh!) you’d come your little heart out a thousand times. But, Kaci Star, you’re within the walls of the Kink armory now, and things are a little different here. So… can you come? No.

Well, we probably love your smile too, but that’s not what’s really being showcased here. So we’ll just admire what’s right in front of our faces — and that’s one stellar handie. Oh okay, and also a pretty phenomenal pair of tits, but we can only focus on one thing at a time! And this hottie uncut cock splooging all over the hand that jacks it has sort of got our attention right now… We just need a minute.

We’ve sometimes wonder how those gals (and dudes) manage to maintain all those smiles miles up high, trapped in a flying can filled with a buncha jerks. Well, looks like it’s because, deep within the recesses of their top secret airport lounge, there’s plenty of ways to let loose. Any residual flight-time anger can be released through BDSM-therapy — one of the most effective means of positive relaxation there is. So, next time your stewardess passes you your thrice-warmed-over chicken dinner, have a little appreciation. Just don’t let her see…

Why, just look at the little smile on that Hitachi Magic Wang! Everyone’s having a ball at this get-together. And we’re invited, too! Somebody better break out the popcorn and beer, because it’s a real party now. The sexy orgasm kind of party.

Hmm, crack jokes on a post about butt sex. Poor taste? Welcome to Fleshbot! Give us your conspiracy theories and we’ll give you a pun about gaping anuses. Act now and we’ll throw in a joke about Rick Ross for free! (If we can think of one before this post goes up.)

Sometimes the trek from door to bedroom can feel like an insurmountable journey, especially with super-horniness as your vehicle. So, fuck that jazz. Just lay yourselves out wherever you can and go to town. The floor is ever so spacious, and just a tad bit dirty — which only adds to the fun, you filthy trollops, you. Beds are fluffy and boring. Bang it out on the ground! Maybe your downstairs neighbors will hear…