Skis Gone Wild

Jul 03, 13 Skis Gone Wild

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We’ve always loved the thrill of the slope, icy wind whipping through our hair as we whizz down the mountainside in what we’ve always thought of as adult sledding. Well, there’s a way to take the “adultness” of it all up to eleven, and we should have known the pervs over at Mofos would get us there. Check out this beautiful snowbabe all geared up and — oh, my! We’ve never thought to use our pole that way. Looks like we’ve been missing out…

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Putting Sunny Leone In Time Out

Jul 02, 13 Putting Sunny Leone In Time Out

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Huh. Maybe we should have taken a cue from Sunny. Why, the ol’ time out can become a fun event if you just use a healthy blend of imagination and lust. The bathroom can be transformed from a boring punishment room into your own personal fap-den! It’s all in how you look at things, see. It’s simple: when life hands you lemons, you shove them up your vagina. Think positive!

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Just Going Shopping With Ash Hollywood

Jul 01, 13 Just Going Shopping With Ash Hollywood

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We’ll be honest — combing the shelves for gifts or even buying clothes for ourselves often bores us to tears. That’s when a shopping buddy like Ash Hollywood comes in handy. Afraid you can’t pass another Thomas Kinkade mug without wanting to scream? Vent your frustrations on Ash’s ass!

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Another Peep Of Abella In Action

Jun 28, 13 Another Peep Of Abella In Action

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We kind of didn’t realize that the megasultry Abella Anderson had retired by way of modeldom, according to Mofos. But she’s certainly left behind a hefty body of work, and it’s full of things that we get a little worked up over. She’s definitely one of the most body-talented ladies we’ve seen — just watch her work this cock! We’re sure she has enough sexual prowess in her left little pinky to make us cream our undies with just a stroke. Um… Hey, Abella, care to try?

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Inside The Ambrosial World Of Yurizan

Jun 27, 13 Inside The Ambrosial World Of Yurizan

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Every time we think of the dear Ms. Beltran, we heart bursts with love in a confetti-pop of rose petals and bubbles. So, you can imagine our delight at finding just that scenario, ideally juxtaposed with her tremendous tits. It almost makes us want to break out the honey and pour that sticky-sweet goodness right down her throat. Oh, it’s a decadent world we live in, at least when Yurizan’s tits are around. Let’s indulge, shall we?

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Who Needs Liquor To Bang?

Jun 26, 13 Who Needs Liquor To Bang?

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We know that’s often the sequence of events — head to the liquor store, pick your poison, head to crazy party, find the love of your life, get all freaky on each other all night long. But these folks have no problem with subverting the status quo. They don’t even need to pop open their liquor, or leave the store, to reach their endgame. Maybe we should be hanging out with Elaina Raye and John Strong a little more… these guys don’t need substances to have a good time! Just a hefty slutty streak. And hey, that’s our drug.

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The Visage Of A Vintage Cowgirl, Ridden

Jun 25, 13 The Visage Of A Vintage Cowgirl, Ridden

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This redheaded vixen can ride our vintage wang all day long. What? We got it at the Brooklyn Flea! But we’d dig through the deepest trunks of records and lace doilies and silk scarves to find something to make Betty Lou happy, to see that perfect face as we pounded her soundly from behind. We just want to make you smile, Betty Lou! Or find you in open-mouthed ecstasy or with pretty lips pursed, depending on what we have in store. We’d make a great team; we promise!

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(Mouth On) Pole Dancing

Jun 24, 13 (Mouth On) Pole Dancing

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This is the kind of pole dancing we really like! Okay, we obviously like actual dancer-upon-stripper-pole dancing, too, but fleshpole into some jivin’ babe-mouth really gets our endorphins flowing, you know? And Miss Genocide has brought out some of her most exceptional moves for Anthony Rosano. Look at her cheek caper and cavort upon that cock! This is sort of like riding sidesaddle, but, you know, with your face. She’s a regular circus-star, that Miss Genocide. We’d certainly like to get thrown in the ring with her!

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Design Your Porn Set Properly With “Just Another Ikea Catalog”

Jun 24, 13 Design Your Porn Set Properly With “Just Another Ikea Catalog”

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Maybe this is a sign that we’ve been working in porn for too long, but we absolutely love analyzing the backgrounds of amateur and professional sex scenes; everything tells a story! Fortunately, we’re not alone in this passion. There’s a whole website where hardcore porn is captured and GIF form and all of the IKEA items are identified and labeled! Check this out.

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Ready For You To Pounce

Jun 21, 13 Ready For You To Pounce

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The gaze this gorgeous lady gives as she’s rubbing her pretty puss has something foxy about it — something foxy and catlike. It’s like she’s just hangin’ back, knowing you want to reach out and touch, but you don’t know if she’ll react with a scratch to your face or if she’ll open her pretty self up to your probing parts. When it comes down to it, though, either course of action would be really damn hot to us. We’re easy to please. So do what you want, you foxy kitten, you. We’re not afraid.

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Ass-Clapping Along With Brooklyn Lee

Jun 20, 13 Ass-Clapping Along With Brooklyn Lee

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Just when we thought we couldn’t love Brooklyn Lee any more, we go and find this GIF-form evidence of her asstastic capabilities. We know she herself is plenty skilled, so it should come as no surprise that her ass has its own talents to throw into the ring. And, oh, it’s a ring where we wish to be. How do we go about finding this fabled nook? We guess we’ll follow the vibrations of Brooklyn’s lively ass as one would the North Star.

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When Hazing Gets Sexy

Jun 19, 13 When Hazing Gets Sexy

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We were the “new kid” at school once, and all we wanted was to encounter some friendly folks and have some pleasant conversation to make us feel at home. But getting our face smashed into some of the other students’ crotches might have been just as nice. What a welcome! Yeah, we think this trumps a thoughtful greeting card or even freshly baked cookies as far as congeniality goes. A welcome wagon full of naked vaginas — that’s more our style. We feel so comfortable now.

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Suck My Toes!

Jun 18, 13 Suck My Toes!

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That Aiden Starr sure knows what she wants — and then she gets it. She may be bossing around that pretty little Coral Aorta here, but it doesn’t look like she minds too much. And besides, Aiden’s got such cutie li’l tootsies we think even getting kicked in the face by her would be sorta pleasant. Maybe while she’s doing that, Coral could lick on our toes? It’s kind of like a circle jerk but way better.

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A Tender, Dick-Lovin’ Mouth Hug

Jun 17, 13 A Tender, Dick-Lovin’ Mouth Hug

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Avril Hall has such a gentle way with this schlong. She’s like a cock-caressing angel, alighting from the heavens to bless this wang with an ethereal embrace that’s all floating bubbles and drifting feathers in the afternoon sunshine. Dang, we’re about ready to float up into the cosmos just watching — so we can only imagine what this dick is feelin’. We’re sure it’s on the verge of blowing gossamer jizz-streams across the sky. What a glorious sight!

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The Nice Kind Of Lesbian Vampire

Jun 14, 13 The Nice Kind Of Lesbian Vampire

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We mean the nice, non-bloodletting kind of vampire, too. Some of them can be such a bore — all that night walking, hunting, and (unpleasant, deathly) flesh-sucking. The ones above are more our style. They’re hot babes who only attack other hot babes, and the strike only encompasses a little neck nuzzle. No garlic, crosses, or other apotropaics necessary! Just a little sweet love, some toplessness wouldn’t hurt, and a spread of beautiful, tender neck skin that looks ripe for the nipping. Shoo, we’re sorta starting to sound like the bad vampires again…

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Everybody’s Getting Dome On TV (Celebrate With GIFs!)

Jun 14, 13 Everybody’s Getting Dome On TV (Celebrate With GIFs!)

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Have you noticed how much oral sex is on TV lately? Vulture has, and they sweetly compiled a bunch of GIFs to commemorate the 2012-2013 season of facefucking. Of course, you never see the actual genital action, but there are lots and lots of appreciative faces to admire!

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Skrillex Makes Us Wanna Squeeze Tits

Jun 13, 13 Skrillex Makes Us Wanna Squeeze Tits

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Well, actually everything does. And if anything, dubstep makes us want to squeeze things, out of a deep-seated disturbance we find unsettling (what, you don’t do that?). But for Lilyanne, and her lovely lady parts, we’d abide, and be the gentlest little kitty — or maybe we’d be a tiny bit rough, but that’s it. We mean, look at them! They evoke in us the desire to purr and bite all at once. How can we reconcile these conflicting urges? What can be done? We’re sure she actually wouldn’t mind. A little bit of this + a little bit of that = a lot of boob-love.

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We’re Calling Up Christy Mack

Jun 12, 13 We’re Calling Up Christy Mack

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We have a sneaking suspicion she’s the kinda gal who will casually masturbate no matter who’s on the other end of the line. Boring conversation with your cousin about her hubby dramz? Time to wank! Arguing with Time Warner over the crappiness of your internet connection? May as well rub one out to pass the time. So, yeah. We’d call her up to discuss the weather, or the latest book we read and we wouldn’t feel guilty about it because she’s surely having a darn good time across the way. And so would we, just imagining her over there.

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This Is The Way We Spank Our Babes

Jun 11, 13 This Is The Way We Spank Our Babes

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That is, with a sizeable flogger and a gaggle of our best friends by our side. Because what’s the fun in babes gettin’ spanked without anyone else to enjoy it? It’s like the tree falling in the forest thing — did it ever really happen at all, if a bunch of kinksters didn’t witness it together, observing and fapping all the while? We guess the welts upon Penny Pax’s cute little bum would serve as evidence, but we think it’s best if a bunch of people see it firsthand. Yeah, it’s just best.

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We’d Like To Fall Down The (Rabbit) Hole With These Two

Jun 10, 13 We’d Like To Fall Down The (Rabbit) Hole With These Two

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Although we suppose we wouldn’t mind falling down any kind of hole with Lexi Belle and Gia DeMarco. It could be a well, an underwater cave, hell — even a shallow ditch would work. Because these chickies be sexy as hell. And in such impractical shoes one could imagine falling is a real threat. So we suppose it’s best for them to sit where it’s safe and languidly lick up each other’s high heels. Hey, that’s plenty wonderland for us.

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