– Is definitely one who will deliver some delightful cunnilingus as you languidly lounge beside the pool. Right? Because along with making sure chlorine levels are safe and everything’s pristine and sparkling, keeping the pool mistress satisfied comes along with the work. At least in our ideal world. Which is pretty well encapsulated by these idyllic scene. Damn, can you make room for us on that luxurious pool float of yours?

No, this isn’t your run of the mill sleight-of-hand with cards, quarters, or bunnies in hats. These ladies don’t even need a magic wand to make our head spin. Although we guess a magic dildo sort of counts. But we suppose any dildo would become a little enchanted if placed between Nikki and Veruca. When their powers combine, they could probably part the sea of traffic in LA, flatten the Hollywood Hills, or expunge the city of real housewives. They could do this, sure. But turning their faculties to lascivious lesbian sex likely makes the greatest good. At least we think so.

It’s almost like the girl next door, but, uh, way better. Because, sure, you might admire your favorite neighborhood babe, but it’s from afar. The chick on your dick, however, you can hold and watch and love and bang all right there. And that can feel so gratifying, you know? There’s definitely an exquisite beauty and pain in unrequited love, and we’ll swoon over it as much as the next bleeding-heart romantic. But sometimes whackin’ off is preferable to swooning — we’re gonna go ahead and say this is one of those times.

That Mandy! She really knows how to have a good time — yet also remain green and efficient. You see, once she drinks all the vodka from the bottle, she hops aboard the whole “Reuse, recycle, reduce” train and re-utilizes that thing as a stellar masturbator! She should probably be the spokesbabe for some nationwide campaign where everyone sends all their recyclables to her, to bang them. We think that makes sense as a plan. Who said environmental consciousness couldn’t be smoking hot?

We don’t even really have the space, but we’ll make it work for her. If she just stays perched up there on the couch like that, she doesn’t even have to pay rent. All we ask is that she let us sup upon her fantastic puss on occasion. Move over, Diane Deluna! Or on second thought, stay right there. We’ll make room for both of y’all. It’ll be fun! We’ll make family dinners, watch some great TV together, share some laughs and cunnilingus duties. This will work out mighty fine.

Or at least they go a long way in helping! See, people who want to cause trouble and mess with other people’s good vibes should just take a step back, and think of this. Arabelle Raphael’s glorious double-F tatas bounding up and down — how could anyone want to do anything other than spread rainbows and unicorns and sparkles across this world of such beauty?

We’ve sometimes wonder how those gals (and dudes) manage to maintain all those smiles miles up high, trapped in a flying can filled with a buncha jerks. Well, looks like it’s because, deep within the recesses of their top secret airport lounge, there’s plenty of ways to let loose. Any residual flight-time anger can be released through BDSM-therapy — one of the most effective means of positive relaxation there is. So, next time your stewardess passes you your thrice-warmed-over chicken dinner, have a little appreciation. Just don’t let her see…

The literal kind, that is. Although hey, in the right context the human kind of walking asshole jerk is kinda funny to have around too. But still, we prefer the type that can be licked and fucked and admired like a pretty gal in her Sunday best. So, like — this kind. But instead of it being all dolled up in ribbons and lace it’s clad in two spectacular asscheeks that we just want to nuzzle and squeeze. And then push the hell out of the way so we can fuck that ass. Sorry; it’s just how we feel.

That’s really quite lucky for us, because if they were, you know, just marching down to their local Duane Reade or to return books to the library that would be way less cool. Yeah, Katie seems like one of the lovelier things one could storm.

That Audrina Ashley. She’s the kind of gal you could really take home to mom. Not only is she an ace dinner hostess, but she’s efficient about it too. There’s no need for the hassle of placemats and tables and feeding oneself. A hot, naked dude suffices. And if naked eating time weren’t enough, she couples it all with a delectable BJ. If this were us, we’d probably forget to chew or something — then we’d be choking and cumming and that can just be sort of awkward for everyone. But we’re sure with her remarkable multitasking ability, Audrina could deliver the heimlich, blow us, and bake a cake all at once. She’s a magical unicorn, that one.

Sometimes it’s nice to get down to the basics — don’t nobody need nothin’ to have a good time but their own two hands (and a sweet-ass pussy). We’re not sure what things are like in your world, but over here in Fleshbot-land sometimes the consciousness can get clouded with pornstar tricks and high-tech toys — and that’s all well and good, believe us — but it’s also pleasant to reflect on what’s brought us to this place, taken us on our fantastic voyage into deep perversity. It was just straight-up wankin’ it that started it all. And… it’s always a welcome detour.

We’ve heard of real knee-slappers, you know, as far as funny jokes go, but we’d rather go with a tit slap. Because what better combination is there than hilarity and breasts? Although when it comes down to it we suppose breasts make everything better. And when they’re Dani Jensen and Shyla Jennings’ breasts all playing around together? Well, that’s just finer than a barrel of monkeys. Seriously; that seems like it’s asking for trouble.

What could Naja Irie possibly be clutching in her hot little hands? A charm bracelet with sparkling miniature carousel ponies and rainbows? Maybe a handful of Skittles to satisfy her sweet tooth? Oh, no — it’s her boobs. And hey, they’re better than either of these fanciful things! They’ve got enough whimsy to blow the door off an artisanal Brooklyn paperie. Everything about them is lovely and perfect, and we’re just as excited each time they’re revealed as a li’l baby is playing peekaboo. Look — there they are again! Squee!

Ha, no, we’re just kidding — this guy’s banging the shit out of her. But she looks like she rather enjoys it! Like the Queen of England might relish a cup of Earl Grey tea served in a delicate saucer with a side of artisanal biscotti, Ms. Rotten is refined in her fleshly tastes. And Bill Bailey is there to raise his hand to the lovely Bonnie, place his jacket atop a puddle, or carry her if she gets weary. Or slam the bejeezes out of her high-minded honeypot. Tut, tut! What a charming pair.

Well, boobs have a lot of things in our world: our respect, our enduring love, our admiration, our dirty daydreams. The gloriousness going on in this GIF is yet another example of why we feel the way we do about beautiful, beautiful baps. Titfucking: what a concept! This dick-in-tits gorgeousity makes us want to give all the world’s breasts an everlovin’ embrace. In a similar manner to the way this lovely pair is hardcore snuggling with this tight and turgid cock. Now if only we could get them in on a group hug…

We’ve been known to fall under the spell of a big-ass wang in our day. Like a charmer guiled by its snake,a magician enchanted by the wand, we can become a bit doe-eyed when faced with a megacock. Where it leads, we shall follow. And sometimes it takes you somewhere really cool, as in this case, to squirttown. One simply can’t defy it — when a schlong like this commands you to squirt, you do it. And how!

True story: we were once at a wedding where a relative of the groom owned a car service company. Upon reception’s end, why, what kaleidoscopically-lighted, karaoke-capable limousine pulled up to pick us up than something auspiciously called “The Fun Mobile”. And, yes, it was a rollicking, lung-bursting, euphoric good time. But… if the Fun Mobile pulled up again, and Danny Wylde’s rockin’ ride rolled up beside it, we’d have to go with Danny. Look what’s in his backseat! There may not be flashing lights and a bevy of pop song delights, but there is his awesome schlong. Yeah, we’ll drop the mic for this one.

Because that’s really the best way to bang them in what we’ll call a lovely modified doggy. But, you know, this Remy’s such a li’l sex rocket, hanging onto her by the arms is basically insurance against her shooting way up into the stratosphere. Yeah, there’s a lot of power within that petite little frame. It can be dangerous. But we’ll take our chances with that Remy LaCroix. It’s no surprise she was AVN’s 2013 Starlet of the Year! Now we just have to make sure to keep her here on earth — and it looks like a little consensual strongarming and a solid slam works wonders.

We might not be the most physical-fitness-inclined group on the earth, but if we were under the titful tutelage of Rachel Starr it might be a different story. We feel that the sight of those bangin’ bosoms would inspire us to do a hundred push-ups, two dozen burpees, run for miles. They’re the only reward we need! Well, that and the glow of wellness and health. But mostly the boobs!

Huh, in Joanna Angel’s strip club VIP room it looks like there are no holds barred. So there Zarrah was, wandering in, perhaps hoping for a glass of some bubbly and some lap dances (no touching!). Little did she expect she’d get Joanna’s hands up her puss, making her do her own sort of bunny hop. Jeeze, that Joanna Angel really knows how to treat her guests right! We have a feeling Zarrah will be a repeat customer…