This clip goes in a way different direction than we expect it to: Katharina Bohm steps out of the shower with a look of shock on her face and… her husband’s friend is there, and it’s fine that he’s seeing her completely naked because he’s a doctor, we guess. It’s situations like these that explain why the government only sells white lab coats to certain people.

The only thing we love more than a man in uniform is a woman with no uniform. By which we mean a naked woman. Especially if they are as fine as Lisa Marie Fix in this clip. So if a man in uniform inspires a woman to take off her uniform (by which we mean all of her clothing), then more men should be issued military drag. Not to get political or nuthin’, but what if we just skipped the whole war thing and went straight to passionate reunion sex? It could be epic. Peace on Earth, and a naked girl in every apartment.

Oh, we mean to be a fly babe on the wall. Like this one. But we guess the concept of passive observation the term usually denotes doesn’t quite work if said fly/babe is blindfolded. Well, either way it’s fun for us to see. And, hell, we’re sure it’s fun for her, too. To sense.

We know it can be difficult to concentrate on much of anything when in the midst of a juicy, handy BJ. But by God, if a pair of massive hanging tits floats into your ken, grab them. Grab one, even. It simply must be done. Imagine the pleasures of orgasm — then imagine that with tit in hand. It’s enhanced like, threefold.

It may seem strange to have a Coca-Cola sanctioned sex dungeon, but while one’s getting hardcore spanked and fisted deep within its recesses, it’s nice to know a refreshing, icy cola is just a vending machine away!

It’s not that she’s having bad sex–clearly her cowgirl riding is so good that it deserves to be seen from above–it’s just that technology gets in the way of real human connections. At one point she’s shtupping a guy who only wants to see her through his cell phone, at another, she’s dealing with a gent who has too many vibrators. Life is hard for Lara.

So this is what happens when you take your favorite fuzzy-assed boyfriend, throw him in a gimp mask, bend him over and give him the reaming of a lifetime. Oh, and don’t forget your best gal strapping on a massive dildo to get him in the facehole.

Could make for a sticky situation. But if the teacher in question is a sassy redheaded German one who’s into S&M, then you’re in luck.

No, really, we’re not kidding. This is a television show about tax collectors. Apprentice tax collectors, in fact. Either television really exaggerates more than we knew, or tax collectors in Germany experience tons of toplessness, moody lighting, and (according to the internet) run-ins with gangsters. Of course, they also have

What’s going on here, German film industry? Have you decided to recreate amateur porn videos for the professional big screen? Because that is very, very meta. And we love it. If that’s not what’s happening, can you actually try and do that? Yeah, we can’t find out anything about this

Oh, are we going to have a sort of intense, maybe even serious conversation? Hold that thought while I go get some ice…whatever. It’s not ice cream, it’s not Italian ice, but clearly it’s a goodie and goes well with your glorious breasts. We’re not sure what they’re eating, or

Since we’re not German, we haven’t really heard of Jeanette before..and looking at her professional bio, we’re starting to feel a little ashamed. Here’s a woman with 7 albums, numerous award wins and nominations, and one hell of a sweet ass. How has she not been on our radar until

You know what this country is lacking? Enthusiasm. We’re perpetually sleepy and drenched in irony. If we could only take a cue from Germany and staff our offices with men and women who are dying to orally please each other, everything would be perfect. For a while. And then we

For a movie whose title translates to “innocence” or, occasionally, “virginity,” there are a lot of debauched things going on. Some polyamorous sex followed by what appears, in our inexpert opinion, to be opium smoking. We guess it’s supposed to be ironic? Given that this is one of three nude

This couple seems insane but we love them. The gentlemen clearly enjoys having his dick sucked, but not as much as he enjoys watching his woman use jizz like Listerine. Also, the tip of his penis turns red as a beet—what is she doing to him? And don’t even get

Well, actually, the cumshot occurs in the middle of this video. We’re just happy that the cameras keep rolling and the girl keeps rubbing—both her lucky boyfriend and herself! Although it might not always seem like it, we want amateur porn to uncouple itself from the traditional fetters of pacing

Maybe that’s too crass of a motto to take away from “Wanna Be,” a film about a handicapped woman and her boyfriend, but we are really quite impressed by how steamy these two keep it. This clip made us realize that we really don’t know a damn thing about the

Yes, it turns out that the man who brought you “The Sorrows of Young Werther” was far sexier than he usually gets credit for. Like any hot-blooded man, he knows that hot babe + rain = romp in the moss. We thought, “Oh, maybe they’ll grope each other in the

By now you’ve realized A) we’re obsessed with German culture, B) we’re obsessed with German TV and movies (especially cop dramas), and C) our German is very poor. Nonetheless, please enjoy more German cop drama nudity. We know we will! (On a completely separate note, that dude needs to stay

We know this is culturally insensitive, but anytime we think of Germans and leather pants, we automatically think of Mike Myers playing Dieter on “Saturday Night Live.” Now that there’s a blowjob in the mix, it just gets more complicated. But at least all those “touch my monkey” jokes can