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Poor Sammy Smalls (Cristin Milioti) has a crush on a boy who thinks she’s too immature and sexually inexperienced to date. Sammy, don’t listen to that nonsense. You just take your grandma, hit the nearest pool, and go for a naked swim. The water finds you wise, womanly, and sexy as hell. We are inclined to agree with it.

It’s that time of year, when you can find a disgusting rusted metal boat floating in some isolated lake, tear off all the trappings of society, lay back, and make sure your inner labia is just the right shade of whatever.

We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking those clips of Pihla Viitala from “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre” were great, but they weren’t enough to quench your thirst for this foxy Finnish babe. You know how we know what you’re thinking? We’re thinking the same damn thing.

We’re not entirely sure why this Remi Rebillard gallery is called “The Philosophy Student,” although we think the model might actually be one, but we’ve known a few philosophy majors in our time and this sums them up perfectly. Humans naked in a strange light, trying to fit themselves into uncomfortable concepts as best they can, looking through windows that are also doors that are possibly locked and show us more about them (and their pubes) than anything cosmic or existential.

Photographer Jimmy De Sana passed away over thirty years ago, but his work is absolutely timeless. William S. Burroughs was a big fan of his, and they even collaborated on a project together called “Submission,” about which Burroughs exclaimed, “My dear, its all so Christian and medieval and gloomy.”

We know you don’t want to get out of bed, and neither does Marion, but when that alarm goes off she’ll be leaping out of those sheets like a lizard. So whether you’re looking for some subtle gropage beneath the covers or are hoping to see a flash of full frontal, you better prepare yourself and get it while it’s hot.

Did you catch “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”? Perhaps you didn’t want to watch a story about a badass Hansel who has diabetes after being force fed candy as a child (we think it makes him a uniquely interesting hero). Anyhow, you missed a young witch getting buck ass naked in a pool in the woods and hooking up with Hansel.

Somebody is finally standing up to the sun and treating it like the continuous explosion of a massive fusion device that it is, and we’re glad that somebody is Cora Keegan with no clothes on. Nothing says, “Screw you and your sunspots and your helium” quite like the agonized arches of a naked model.

It’s strange how sensitive we’ve become to things like this. Lad’s mag girls never show their bottom halves naked, so the minute we get so much as a hint of bare crotch, we’re all over it. Case in point, this outtake of Seren Gibson puts us on the road to perdition pussy, and we’re staring at it so damn hard.

Florence Dolce is gazing longingly at something out across the sea. What could it be? Is her ship going to come in? Someone to give her the solid pounding she so clearly deserves and yearns for? Perhaps she’s a narcissist and what she really wants is another babe who looks just like her to sail up on the horizon and make all her dreams come true. Someone with tweakable nipples and flawless skin and legs to get all tangled up in and a very very kissable cunt? Ok, we’ll just leave you with that image.

You know when you have a projector screen and you are trying to pull it down from the ceiling and you already have to balance a stack of hardcover rare comics on top of a kitchen chair and still stand on your tip-toes because you’re sooo short and all of your friends that came over to watch Drag Race on your fancy projector are also all really short and you can’t quite figure out how to pull the screen down just right to keep it from catching or collapsing completely and you stand there like an awkward ballerina getting more and more frustrated? Maybe you should have just invited naked models over to project onto instead. Problem solved.

No STDs! Then again, you could consider insanity an STD in this case, so maybe we won’t count that one. At least ghosts are always creative in their sexual encounters. Take this young (appearing) lady for example: she appeared once in a nightclub, again tied up on the side of the road, and when she screws you, you have visions of Rene Magritte’s paintings!