As soon as some warm weather rolls around, we’re going to get a bunch of our friends together and have a good old fashioned water war. It’s been a while since we used any squirt guns, and our pumping muscles have atrophied from age, so we’re thinking of upgrading to “Squirt Machines 2.” Dani Daniels will make a formidable weapon on the battlefield (of the local park).

Oh sure, it seems like a lot of fun to watch Billy Castro strut his charming ass around town and make beautiful babes squirt like crazy, but wait until all of San Francisco has been flooded by a combination of bay water and lady come, and only Billy and his satisfied lovers are left floating on a raft above the mayhem. Does that sound fun to you?

These days, it’s seen as cool and progressive to de-emphasize the orgasm and reduce its power so that it’s not the goal of sexual activity but merely another facet of it. We’re totally down with that aim, and we’ve definitely done our fair share of praising the journey over the destination, but let’s be real for a moment: orgasms are the shit.

Finding a woman who can squirt is a rare and beautiful thing, like a parody porn with good dialogue or a perfect pair of handcuffs. There is nothing hotter than a woman coming all over herself. We could watch it for hours, and hopefully our readers agree. Here are ten

Honest to God, how many so called “female ejaculation experts” show up on set and find that the entire film crew is wearing rain ponchos? Follow up question: is Jada Fire’s vagina as powerful as a sledgehammer? Because if it is, we’re very very worried about Derrick Pierce’s penis. Gallagher

I flew all the way to New York to wrangle this DVD from Ottimo Massimo. No joke. I mean, I was coming to New York for other reasons too, but this was a big freaking deal. And whoa, Carol Queen totally surpassed my extremely high expectations. “Gush” is a guide

Flower Tucci’s female ejaculation tutorial teaches us everything about self-sufficiency and emotional independence that our parents never could. You can’t rely on other people to make you squirt! It has to come from within. Flower squirts a lot, and she often squirts with other people, but the g-spot in her

Maybe you have your own system, but we’re not satisfied with a squirting video unless the camera gets blasted with lady come. We literally fast forward through the entire DVD and stop whenever our vision is obscured by dew droplets. You’re welcome. We prefer these sorts of clips for a

When you watch those professional female ejaculation videos, you get the idea that any woman can press a few buttons and shoot jets of jizz across the room. Not always so! Some women have to get carpal tunnel syndrome before any squirting occurs. But gosh is it ever worth it.

You might think all this squirting and moaning has to do with Mr. Pete’s fingers curled around her g-spot, but experts can tell that this is a vehicular-ejaculation. You can tell by the way she’s draped over a truck; her ass hugs the chassis. We’re not trying to take Mr.

In this Pleasure-Ed video, Dr. Carol Queen and a bevy of sexy G-Spot go-getters teach you how to tap into the powers (somewhat) hidden inside every vagina. Here’s a hint: it involves a lot of lube and some come-hither fingers. Gush: The Official Guide to the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation

We think it’s incredibly romantic that the description for this video says “our squirt.” It’s like when couples say “we’re pregnant” to show how committed they are, except this is more about having powerful orgasms. But this squirt is truly shared between them, as her great gush across the tip

Meeting people is hard; right, porn fans? You have to say the right things, be funny, dance, and do other demeaning social activities. These girls, however, just demonstrate their squirting prowess and guys line up to buy them drinks. Ironically, it’s hard for these women to meet many men because

It’s a room designed to get wet and messy! It’s perfect for this girl who enjoys spending her time masturbating with a sizable dildo until she comes all over the place. (A classic pastime, no?) We wonder why she bothers with the towels. We understand if the floor is cold

If female ejaculation is a lie, and milves aren’t really milves, usually, and my whole concept of what is a “teen” is wrong, then all of porn is a fraud. But Charley Chase makes me want to believe. Covergirl Chase’s scene is my favorite in “Love Squirts 2,” as the

Well, when I suggested I profile this movie, the kinfolk said, “Move away from there.” Because the great Kaiser Soze conundrum of our time is how to classify the fluid that comes out of women on porn sets–and, you know, in life. Luckily, “Liquid Gold 16″ is not about “female

Sindee Jennings, as you know, is all the rage on the squirt circuit, but here on the set of “This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island XXX” she realized, like Chief Martin Brody, that it is only an island if you look at it from the water. So no squirting for her! Instead,

In our private correspondence, you have often told me that squirting has a certain “majesty.” “It seems like they’re giving back,” you said. In performer/director John E. Depth’s “I Make It Rain,” in which he plays a sex therapist to Charley Chase, the countertransference begins almost immediately–but one must look

Though one now works in sales and the other’s a mom, we can still learn something from retired pornstresses Cytherea and Tiana Lynn. In this scene from the compilation “I Love Tiana,” I was reminded of the spirit of teamwork that united these two women, despite the fact that Cytherea’s

I have it on good authority that, prior to being transported to Porn Valley’s Central Dissemination Facility beneath the Santa Susanna Pass, every adult film is called “Don’t Let Daddy Know”. Then they are renamed to “Barely Legal”, “Malabimba: The Malicious Whore“, or “Dirtpipe Milkshakes”. But let’s take a look