Oh, you remembered Mother’s Day, too? What’d you do, get your mom some flowers? Bouquets are scepters of apology. Lexington Steele didn’t just get a gift for one special lady, he made a movie called “Lex is a Motherfucker” so he can enchant horny MILFs and MILFs-to-be all over the world with his wonderful wand-like wang. You better step your game up for Father’s Day.

We love a gal who can multitask. Especially one who can multitask naked! And even more especially when the tasks at hand (and mouth) involve blowin’ some sexy dicks. Sure, we’re impressed by a person who can ride a unicycle over a tightrope while spinning plates on sticks and stuff, but there’s something to be said for skills with practical applications. And getting two dudes to blow mega loads onto your waiting chest? Yeah, mad practical. And also awesome.

Anal certainly has a reputation for being rough and raunchy, and with good reason. Just feast your eyes on Dana Dearmond with her legs bent back, getting her gaping asshole stuffed full of her panties, and you’ll have an idea of what we mean.

After the first “Black Anal Addiction” film hit stores, Mike Adriano’s family staged an intervention to address his addiction to eating black anuses. After that, a battalion of Mike’s fans staged an intervention on Mike’s family to ask them not to intervene with Mike’s way of life. Call us enablers if you must, we prefer to think of ourselves as conservationists and anthropologists (and black anal addicts by proxy).

We love Tom Byron. We understand why he’s not making movies all the time these days, and we respect him for whatever he wants to do, but damn do we miss that guy. So imagine our joy when we saw a familiar figure smashed beneath the beautiful butt of Julie Cash! It’s Tom, lover of ass, licker of anus, worm beneath the high heels of hotties!

Girls, boys, manticores, whatever you want to call these entities, they are fucking hot and horny and dying to take a dip in each other’s drawers. We suppose the main thing that make these babes into boys is the presence of a strap-on, but we prefer to think of them as unicorns. Because we can.

We know she’s popular at the Vatican, and obviously around these less holy parts, but what’s so gosh darn appealing about the lady? We happen to love her bubbly, laid-back and cutie-patootie personality, but… we also love her straight-up cutie patootie. Obviously. And what’s not to love? It’s patently perfect. So shapely; so smooth. We might even say it’s downright divine.

Recently we talked about Big Wet Asses and how incredibly hot and awesome it is when porn shows fountains of lube! Historically, for some fucking reason, wetness is undervalued in porn. It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to us, since as far as we’re concerned wetness is pretty much what sex is all about.

These are some of the pleasanter things we can think of on the earth — and both are as winning as can be when they’re coming from the über-babely Brooklyn Lee. We almost can’t decide which we like more… On the one hand, imagining Brooklyn’s boobs plunging over us like a body-waterfall kind of makes us shiver from the inside out. On the other, that adorable grin makes our whole being smile. Can one ever quantitatively measure which brings the most joy into the world? Can one?!! Oh. Well, looks like we don’t even have to bother because this GIF totally has it all. Phew.

We’ve always said there should be gyms where everyone just acknowledges that the reason we go to the gym is to look better naked. If John Stagliano opened a gym, he would take it one step further and give classes in how to walk in a way that is most appealing to butt fetishists, and how to deep throat a double dildo, and how to stretch your asshole to gape-ing proportions you never knew you were capable of!

This is porn at its most natural (note that we didn’t say “real”): two married swinger pornstars taking the Best New Starlet of 2013 for a weekend away with no real plans or demands other than nonstop fun. From now on, we don’t want to see anyone’s vacation movie unless it comes with a minimum of four anal orgasms.

You ever hear those stories about moms suddenly having the strength to lift huge cars in order to save their kids? That pretty much sums up the wonderful anus Skin Diamond was blessed with.

Yo. We love rough sex as much as the next guy. This trailer is hot – it’s got with girls with messed up make-up being led around by their pearl necklaces, and plowed deep, and dick slapped, and the like. But where’s the fetish? No leather, no rubber. There’s nary even a foot being shoved in someone’s pretty mouth in sight!