We were in the mood for some cute li’l lesbians this morning (well, when is anyone not), but then we found this. Which turns out to be the trailer for a six-and-a-half hour devil’s romp with the best and nastiest pornstresses in the world. Extreme? Yes. Extremely-fucking-hot? Also yes. So get out your clothespins, facemasks, spanking hands, and filthy mouths because we’re going in.

We’ve heard of real knee-slappers, you know, as far as funny jokes go, but we’d rather go with a tit slap. Because what better combination is there than hilarity and breasts? Although when it comes down to it we suppose breasts make everything better. And when they’re Dani Jensen and Shyla Jennings’ breasts all playing around together? Well, that’s just finer than a barrel of monkeys. Seriously; that seems like it’s asking for trouble.

After watching Woodrocket’s “Sex Toy Story” last week, we found ourselves wanting to know more about one of the stars. We’re familiar with Veruca James, everybody knows all about James Deen, but we’re definitely light on our Dani Jensen knowledge. Fortunately, she had an interview with Dave over at Orgasm.com, and we can easily drink the wine of their brain grapes! Let’s learn about this ravishing redhead.

The minute “Toy Story” came out, every other person tried to look clever and tack the word “sex” onto the front. We get it. Sex toys are funny. Fortunately, Lee Roy Myers made a hardcore porn parody of the film that instantly blasts every bad “Toy Story” joke from the last eighteen years out of the water. That’s just how he lives life.

What we like about Asa Akira is that she would push her own mother down a flight of stairs in order to get a big cock all to herself. We kid, of course; Asa is a lovely young woman who cares for her family and there is no way that London Keys is going to let her gobble up all of Mr. Pete’s dick without sharing.

You know the stuff that collects between your toes? We’re calling that “schmutz” now, “toe schmutz” if you want to be specific, because that gunk is nothing like jam, jelly, or marmalade. From now on, when you say “toe jam,” you will be referring to the act of jamming your toes in someone’s mouth while they fuck you. Somebody tell the dictionary people to note these changes.

We know we just looked at a movie with babysitters in it, but we feel like we’re getting closer to discovering the source of their powers. These diaries point to some complicated, pseudo-Freudian quagmire of erotic energies, and… oh, never mind. Dani Jensen looks cute. We should stop trying to

We’ve often wondered what it might be like if you took “Eyes Wide Shut,” cut out all the stuff about Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and made the elaborate party into an all girl foot worshiping affair. Well, Belladonna didn’t just wonder: she took that concept and made it into

Every scene is a POV threesome with hot stars like Andy San Dimas, Faye Reagan, Bobbi Starr, and more. Has there ever been a better concept for a porn series? We highly doubt it. Obviously, Erik Everhard didn’t choose any twins for his POV adventures—our apologies to the Russo sisters,

Multi-tasking isn’t for everyone, and we’re not trying to get everyone on the simultaneous sexual act wagon. Still, we love the way Dani Jensen pulls off her panties while sucking Rocco Reed’s cock. Impressive, no? Also, the polka dots really look good on Ms. Jensen. All in all, it’s a

Rabid “X-Files” fans that we are, it was hardly a surprise that we were overjoyed at the thought of not one, but two, XXX parodies. Especially with one of our favorite stars (that would be Kimberly Kane) as the star. Sam Hain, acclaimed sci-fi parody director, follows up his original

This year has seen some of the best (and most original) parodies ever imagined. With its attention to detail, costumes, special effects, and raw overload of sex, “BatFXXX: Dark Night Parody” shines like a crown jewel among them. Fans of the recent Batman series from “Inception” director Christopher Nolan will

If you’re looking for some kind of gimmick, you’re shit out of luck. Everything in legal teen porn has been done a million times already. “Brand New Faces” doesn’t even try—they just keep it simple and awesome. Alanah Rae opens “Brand New Faces 26″ by confessing to B.Skow that she’s

Ever since Jonny Depp’s star turn as Clyde, we’ve been waiting for a knock off. With 60 stars and 10 scenes–most of them orgies–we think “Bonny & Clide,” from Bluebird Films, may be just what we dreamed. With so many studios just struggling to get by, reusing old scenes, focusing

We know Dani Jensen is supposed to be the schoolgirl here, but if you ask us, it seems like she’s the one dishing out an education. How to Please a Lady 101, anyone? · Buy “Bree’s College Daze 3″ (tlavideo.com)

There’s nothing quite as amazing as seeing dainty dolls stretching themselves to the limit and coming their brains out on massive cock. That’s why it’s hard to ignore Third Degree’s sequel to “Too Small to Take it All.” Alexa Nicole, Amai Liu, Dani Jensen, Juliette Bardot, Nikki Rhodes, and Vanessa

Piles of magnificent pussy stacked on top of one another, with hungry, drooling mouths and wet pink tongues set into debauched faces of fallen angel supermodels who crave hard cock choke outs and luscious come surprises await you. It’s like the tag line on an advertisement for some futuristic wet

Cheerleaders. They’ve literally been a staple of our erotic imaginations for so long now we can’t imagine what our sex lives would be like without them. Zero Tolerance took a gaggle of teen cheerleaders and simply added cream. Rebecca Blue, Gracie Glam, Kiara Diane, Dani Jensen, and Breanne Benson make

The reign of gargantuan penis continues with the impending release of “Scary Big Dicks 3″ from Hustler. Young women who care about maintaining the elasticity of their vagina may very well view this material as a cautionary tale. The only problem being that once the sheer terror of having a

Matt Morningwood is back with his latest offering from Pink Visual, “Masters of Reality Porn 5,” a stunning cornucopia of mouthwatering fuck scenes guaranteed to delight even the most curmudgeonly stubborn never nude. Let the games begin! First up is a lip licking fiveway free for all starring Barry Scott,