Sure, it’s okay to tie people up and beat them with hard rubbery things (and have them pay you for it!), but try to have sex with an undercover cop at your S&M club and suddenly it’s like a crime or something. Is nothing sacred anymore? (nypost.com)

The founder of the company that makes the fake penis enlargement pill Enzyte has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for fraud (!). That’s what you get for making people feel bad about their small penises … and defrauding the public of about $400 million. Now will people stop

If you’re a police officer working undercover on a prostitution sting, it’s probably best if you don’t have sex with a suspect multiple times before busting her. It just confuses everyone and makes your next massage really awkward. (beaumontenterprise.com; thumb via femdom-orgasm.com, via)

A judge has ordered the maker of Enzyte to pay a $500 million fine for defrauding people with their fake penis pills, which would pretty much put the company out of business. Maybe then they’ll finally stop running those idiotic commercials on TV. (xbiz.com)

Nine women and twelve men have been arrested in Greece for participating in an unsanctioned blowjob competition on a beach in Greece. That’s why these things should always happen in Madison Square Garden like every other important sporting event. (livenews.com.au)

We’ve got to admit that operating a mobile brothel out of a rented limousine bus is a pretty brilliant idea. (Even if it is a little derivative.) Parking the bus a block from the Miami Beach Police Department? Not quite as brilliant. (local10.com – thanks, Rick)

A man in Singapore who was unable to control his armpit fetish was sentenced to 14 years in prison for attacking women to get his sniff on; he was also caned 18 times just to make sure he got the message. Moral: if you want to get up in someone’s

What happens in Thailand really stays in Thailand–because if you try to film it for a porn movie, you are definitely going to jail (and you might be considered a “gang member” too.) See, the best thing about filming in the Valley is that your odds of ending up in

Two genius gas station holdup men pulled off the perfect crime by disguising their faces with thong underwear. (Although maybe they should have put tighty whities on their arms to cover up those distinctive tattoos.) These kids today just show way too much skin, don’t they? (yahoo.com; also spotted @

A group of male strippers from Australia have had to cancel their US tour because all their clothes were stolen, which apparently wasn’t just part of the act. (news.com.au)

Hiring a nude maid to clean your house while the wife is on vacation sounds like the perfect plan, until she makes off with $40,000 worth of your wife’s jewels. That must have been a fun explanation. (myfoxtampabay.com; thumb of the very trustworthy Shay Laren)

For the first time ever, Japanese police shut down a “panty flashing cafe”–yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. That’s what they get for not opening a regular strip club, like everyone else does. (mdn.mainichi.jp, via candycrash.com)

We’ve had plenty of occasions here over the years to complain about own government’s various attempts to curb our pornographic liberties. But all things considered, we’ve got it pretty good–especially compared to the UK, where a new law passed by the British Parliament and going into effect next week will

It’s true that porn does cause violence–especially if you watch it when you should be paying attention to your girlfriend who likes to stab things when she’s angry. Why do you make porn hurt you like that? (bostonherald.com)

Best police blotter item ever?: “A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The

Eliot Spitzer became of the Governor of New York by running as a hard-nosed former prosecutor who cleaned up Wall Street and organized crime and was now going to clean up his state capital. Now, involvement with organized crime may end his political career. The New York Times is reporting

Japanese A/V model Serena Kozakura had a conviction for property destruction overturned when the court decided she could not have kicked a hole in a man’s door and then squeezed through it … because her giant breasts would have made it physically impossible. The prosecution later asked for another chance

Putting troubled teens of different sexes in the same detention center isn’t necessarily a bad idea, except when you leave the doors open so they can have late night orgies together. Trust us when we say that locking someone up is much more effective when the doors are actually locked.

Committing armed robbery makes you a tough customer. Committing armed robbery to steal only eight porn magazines makes you a little bit crazy. Committing armed robbery, stealing eight porno mags, and then riding away on a bicycle? Maybe you should rethink your career choices. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

Spending New Year’s Eve in jail is kind of a sucky proposition—unless you know, one of the female guards decides to suck you off in your cell. Makes that whole Times Square thing seem pretty lame, huh? (thesmokinggun.com)