We’re quickly careening into summertime and with its sunny skies and warm breezes come a parade of picnics, pool parties, barbecues, patio drinking, and — for those adventurous friends among us — plenty of outdoor boning! So grab yourself a bratwurst and a keg beer and witness the beauty of nature in its full, full glory.

There exists a category of amateur-style professionalish porn that may be beautiful ladies’ and hottie dudes’ first foray into video smutdom. Or, hey, it just may be a dirty little hobby these folks like to indulge in on occasion. Whatever the case, we’re happy they’re into it — ’cause so are we.

Sometimes the trek from door to bedroom can feel like an insurmountable journey, especially with super-horniness as your vehicle. So, fuck that jazz. Just lay yourselves out wherever you can and go to town. The floor is ever so spacious, and just a tad bit dirty — which only adds to the fun, you filthy trollops, you. Beds are fluffy and boring. Bang it out on the ground! Maybe your downstairs neighbors will hear…

There are lots of things people say about blondes, but we can take or leave all that jazz. To us, flowing blonde tresses make us think of fairytale princesses with dragons for neighbors, beautiful and dainty as a butterfly, stuck up in their castle towers sighing out the window. We think it the happiest ending when Prince Charming comes — and then comes all over them. Now there’s a bedtime story!

It finally feels like springtime is here, and we just want to jizz on everything we see! So we’re not sure if that’s an appropriate response to the ebullient liveliness and joy bursting within us, but it seems as good an outlet as any. So, yes, we shall herald the spring in flowing freshets of skeet, veritable streamers of spooge, loving loads of… load. It’s a celebration!

They’re a breath of fresh, exciting air — rare and exotic babes that expand our horizons as well as our undies. We know this can tread into delicate territory, but hey, we think Asian babes are sexy, and celebrating their awesomeness by banging them works in our fantasy world. These chickies are so hot we think we need a glass of milk.

Missionary may well be the first warming, heralding embrace to slamming all us happy sluts ever encountered. Some may pooh-pooh the position as passé, but hey, we make new friends and keep the old. There’s an intimacy that comes with that full-frontal caress, the intense eye contact, the, well, comfort of it all. Missionary, we’d give you a hug if we could. And then we’d try to fuck you.

Blondes may be said to have all the fun, and redheads might be rare, exotic birds, but when it comes to the chicks you wanna know and love, chances are they’re of the raven-haired variety. Dark, mysterious and lovely, we can’t get enough of those auburn, sable, chestnut, and cocoa-colored locks. Especially juxtaposed with some cock.

Everyone (well, everyone after our own heart) has to take the plunge into internet sexvideodom somehow. Shall it be a BJ? A masturbatory wank? A bouncy and brilliant cowgirl? Or will you go ahead and leap out of the gate with a kickin’ anal bang? We say go big, or actually, go anywhere sexy, and we’ll cheer and wank and applaud your horny efforts with lust and gusto.

Ah, our old friend, the reverse cowgirl. We feel like this is sort of the second level of sex move — once you’ve mastered missionary and doggie style, dabbled in some forward-facing rides, this is the ticket. Throw your inhibitions out the window — they’re not wanted here! You’ve gotta be bold to bounce big-booty style, but oh, it’s worth it.

Ah, we remember when anal was an unexplored frontier for us, virginal territory that remained uncharted due to trepidation, uncertainty, and/or impatience. Ha! Those days are long gone. But as much as we relish some good back-end loving, we still don’t possess quite the acrobatics or sheer physicality required to pull off some of these feats. May we sit back in slackjawed, wet-pantied awe at these anal masters at work.

Ah, spanking — we look at it as sort of a gateway drug for BDSM. Before diving into your sensory-deprivation tank laden with masks and clamps, latex and gags, why not dip your toes in with a couple harmless (or not…) smacks? Because sometimes being naughty earns its just and walloping rewards. And sometimes those rewards make you want to cream yourself.

We’ve been singing a love song to boobs all day (or, we guess our whole life really) — and we figured we’d keep this going by flooding our world with giant, natural, luscious breasts by way of BBW. These babes are so sensual, so voluptuous, so perfectly womanly… We wish, at least for a day, the earth was populated by BBWs alone (and us, of course). Curves as far as the eye can see!

Ah, the bathroom — it provides respite from the world, at least for a moment of simple privacy amidst the hustle and haste of this modern life. Unless, of course, you drag some other hottie slut in there with you and proceed to get on with a different kind of hustle and flow. Yeah, you can have your simple privacy while you’re sleeping. Waking moments are better spent banging.

We felt the need to explicitly include “professional” in today’s Top Ten roundup because — well, we’re not saying amateurs can’t aspire to these moves, these consummate professional mannerisms, but… there’s a reason these ladies are the creamiest of the crop. Dexterous dick-wranglers, all, and we think everyone could stand to take a step back and watch the masters at work. Tori, Skin, Jasmine, Charley and pals — show us how it’s done.

Scoring is great, but you know, we believe that getting there’s half the fun! And though many of us may be rushing to hit some homers over the fence and do some real grand slamming, what’s the hurry? There are good times to be had in stopping to smell the roses. And by that, we mean tempting and teasing and fingerbanging the f outta some pussy.

You know what, go ahead and take all the Twinkies off the shelves. We have a million creamy fillings right here (or, ten). They’re just as sweet, a good deal sexier, and are also better for you. Also, they’re pipin’ hot. We’re sort of breaking a sweat here… just like when hardcore attacking a moist little snack cake.

Ah, Paris. It’s the city of lights, the city of love; its denizens effusive with the most beautiful language in the world. What is it that makes us romance the French so? It’s all these dreamy, fanciful perceptions, indeed, but we also can’t help but feel that these folks are known for getting down. So let’s slip on some stockings, pop open a bottle of wine, and get our asses in the air because the French are coming. And coming and coming.

Ah, teenhood. When everything is fresh and new, sex is a wild frontier to be explored, removed from any impending emotional baggage. It’s all about achieving unfamiliar sensations, bodily experiences that shoot one’s psyche into the stars. Oh, we can almost feel the first hot breath of another’s mouth upon our own, the rushing gasp of the first time one explored our formerly private spaces, the warming blush of our first facial…

While we’re busy waiting for spring to arrive, we can’t help but start dreamin’ of sultry summer weather and the revitalizing getaways that come along with it. Although, it’s not really about the miles you travel — so long as you go all the way.