We felt the need to explicitly include “professional” in today’s Top Ten roundup because — well, we’re not saying amateurs can’t aspire to these moves, these consummate professional mannerisms, but… there’s a reason these ladies are the creamiest of the crop. Dexterous dick-wranglers, all, and we think everyone could stand to take a step back and watch the masters at work. Tori, Skin, Jasmine, Charley and pals — show us how it’s done.
This year’s Dirty Dozen reflects wise and difficult choices in the Pornographic Arts.
Jesse Jane and Riley Steele may be on the side of the law in “Skip Trace 2,” but evil coke dealer Nacho Vidal has the most fun.
Jesse Jane and Riley Steele are bounty hunters. Unfortunately, all we know about bounty hunting is what we’ve learned from “Domino,” “One for the Money,” and “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” so unless we see nunchucks and big blonde wigs and Katherine Heigl, we’ll have no idea what’s going on.
The way we see it, installing a stripper pole in your home is a bit like bringing a Ouija board or tarot cards into the house. You’re going to have fun, maybe you’ll have a few laughs here and there, but eventually you’re going to open doors you never knew existed, and you may not like what’s on the other side. In this film, the mere presence of a stripper pole incites Riley Steele to bang everything in her path. See what we mean?
So you’re worried about your rent going up when you renew the lease, these things happen. All you need to do is put a little polite pressure on your landlord; have Jesse Jane press her breast against his thigh as she crawls across his lap, and not only will your rent stay the same, but you might even get free utilities!
We think it’s sweet that Digital Playground decided not to name the sequel to “Cola” something boring like “Cola II” and instead went with the charming request of “More Cola Please.” What good manners! We can hear BiBi Jones saying it in a coquettish tone or with a husky smolder; it would sound equally sexy being said around Erik Everhard’s cock, but Bibi knows better than to talk with her mouth full.
Does possession of a hard hat and yellow safety vest and proximity to a backhoe make one a busty construction chick? No: you also need big boobs.
“This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX” isn’t the first blue movie based on Saturday morning cartoons. It isn’t even the first blue blue movie (that would be “This Ain’t Avatar XXX”), but it is the first blue blue movie filmed in Larry Flynt’s office.
At least the girls are letting us watch! Just imagine how furious we’d be if we knew that Skin Diamond and Asa Akira were getting it on somewhere and they weren’t going to let us peep the action. Actually, don’t imagine that. It can’t be good for your blood pressure. (Fleshbot cares about you.)
At no point in the Stormy Daniels movie “Blow” is cocaine snorted off of Stormy Daniels. This is a shame. Isn’t that the first thing you’d do if you had Stormy Daniels and some cocaine?
In our eyes, BiBi Jones performed in her first POV scene back when she was with Hustler. In Digital Playground’s eyes, “Jack’s POV 19″ contains her first POV scene. Technically, they’re right, since this is her first POV movie as BiBi Jones and not Britney Beth. Anyway, who cares about semantics and hermeneutics? You can pretend to fuck pornstars!
Still, it’s nice of Digital Playground to tell us straight-up, “Yo, hope you’re prepared to see some titties.” How many times have you tried to buy smut only to bring it home and discover that it’s food porn? It happens to us, like, once a month. We’ll lament the abuse
I would just like to state, right away, that if you burn yourself to a crisp deep-frying your turkey on Thanksgiving, your nurses will probably not be as hot as the ones in “Big Breast Nurses 5.” So don’t go getting any ideas from this. “Big Breast Nurses 5″ is
We’ve figured it out, you guys: the cursed watch is a wedding gift that makes the wearer dream of fucking old flames, right? It’s a symbol for marriage. Get it? It’s a metal shackle on your wrist, it represents time ticking away, and the adultery is a symbol for, uh,
When a group of horny boys think they can get rich making porn, they discover that their pens aren’t as mighty as their penises. Fortunately, Raven Alexis has enough writing talent for everyone—and her ass isn’t half-bad either! “So when do I stick my cock in Lou Charmelle’s ass?” asks
What do the slasher movies of the 80′s promise but not deliver? Extended footage of boobs. The giddy “Wet Dream on Elm Street” compensates with enough senseless nudity so that you’ll never have to think of Englund again. A Wet Dream on Elm Street Director: Lee Roy Myers Starring: Anthony
Lee Roy Myers and Tom Byron, the dream team that brought you the critically-acclaimed “The Human Sexipede,” have put their heads together once more to bring us… Freddy Krueger with dildo fingers? Stick with us, folks, this movie is going to be spectacular (and we’re the only ones with the
