I never met anyone like Riley Reid when I had to take a summer typing class at a junior college.

Perfect Secretary III

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Nick Orleans
Starring: Chanel Preston, Riley Reid, Michael Vegas, Dana Dearmond, Richie Calhoun, Katie St. Ives, Cameron Canada, Staci Silverstone, Hally Taylor, Jessy Jones, Bailey Blue, Chad Alva, Alice Frost, Chad Diamond, Prince Yahshua

Review by: Gram Ponante

Reid, as Vanessa, is told via a video on a jumpdrive that she needs to come to the BaukRiver Institute.

“There’s a lot of cock you need to suck, and pussy to lick,” says Katie St. Ives.

And that is where “Perfect Secretary III” loss me in terms of a movie about women in the clerical profession. Because Vanessa arrives, gets fucked and passed around, and doesn’t type a damn thing. She files nothing. She faxes nothing. She gets no one coffee. There is nothing remotely like office work in her daily duties.

What there is, though, is a lot of bondage lite from the busty Chanel Preston and the fierce Dana DeArmond. There are the beautiful eyes of St. Ives and the franklu fleshy labia of Reid. There is a lot of stylized sex playing out in front of director Nick Orleans’ camera, and the movie looks like a throwback to a 1980s/1990s Adrian Lyne film with all the story taken out.

While the premise and title disappear almost immediately, “Perfect Secretary III” is still beautiful to watch, especially if WPM means Wonderful Penetration Methods to you.

· Follow Riley Reid on Twitter
·< a href="http://twitter.com/gramponante">Follow Gram Ponante on Twitter
· Adam & Eve (adamandeve.com)
· Buy “Perfect Secretary 3r” (tlavideo.com)

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Great, now we’re scared that Danny Wylde and Chad Alva are going to pluck out our eyeballs and draw our intestines out through our mouths and savor our blood spattered screams for all eternity. Awesome. Don’t get us wrong, the song is exquisite, this music video is awesome, and we totally think you should watch this, but please, steel yourself.

In all seriousness, we’re proud of Chiildren! This is the second video off their album, “The Other People,” and it’s as if they’ve taken elements from the “Girl in the Dirt” video–the blood, the menace, the occult artifacts–and honed them to a razor-sharp edge of terror. And people think porn is hardcore! Ha! Derisive laughs in their direction. We can imagine Danny Wylde getting sucked off in a bisexual threeway for work, all the while thinking, “Man, I can’t wait to go perform some dark submission rituals in a decrepit shack.”

· Chiildren (chiildren.com)
· Chiildren – “My Gods” (Official Music Video) (youtube.com)

And lo, Veruca James wandered for many days in the (San Fernando) Valley until the Lord delivered her unto Tim Von Swine, and her raiment and arousal was pleasing to his kin, and from their manhoods issued forth a sweet, sticky, white brine that nourished Veruca and possibly even helped tighten her pores. And the Lord saw that it was good.

Hey, don’t get made at us for this Biblical stuff. If you have a problem, take it up with the King James Version. Besides, this is tame when compared to the Song of Solomon (that section is hot).

That Veruca James gets us hot and bothered in the best of ways, and even though we’re bummed that this scene doesn’t involve any fucking for the fine lass, we appreciate this chance to focus on her top half. This is quality time from the torso up (although she does give us a little peek at what’s beneath her tights, generous as she is). With those four cocks around her, Veruca looks like a compass rose, and her mouth always points towards the turgid member that needs her most. That’s what we call animal magnetism.

Is it our imagination, or has Tara Lynn Foxx been a stealthy seductress lately? Perhaps we aren’t watching the right films–her IAFD page says she was a little less active in 2012 than previous years, but she keeps on a-truckin’ with the fuckin’. Regardless, she’s in top form here, hands and mouth all working their hardest to drain her co-stars of their come, and she even takes a little tea bagging while she’s at it. Yes, tea bagging! We know the act has a bad reputation thanks to immature online gamers, but we defy you to find a more efficient way to connect balls with mouths.

Lea Lexis looks cool no matter what she’s doing. We think this has something to do with her eyes: those deep, calm, heavy-lidded bulbs under dark eyebrows. It’s not that she’s sleepy or nonchalant about sucking four dudes off at once–we all know you have to be awake, engaged, and hyperaware when running a blowbang–she’s just confident. Lea is like Neo towards the end of “The Matrix,” amazed at her own skills as she single-mouthedly beats back (er, off) her foes. And if you think Lea can’t get any cuter than she already is, look at her with a glob of jizz on her nose.

We’re not trying to force some new spirituality on you, but if your soul needs a little pick-me-up, “Praise the Load 8″ will get you back on your feet shouting “Amen!” with every come blast. (We true believers like to say “Four-men-and-possibly-Tim-if-he-feels-like-it.”)

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy “Praise the Load 8″ (adultdvdempire.com)

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We’ve been experimenting in pitting pornstars against — well, themselves, as colored through the varied lenses that span the wide, wild pornosphere. (Last time was Nina Hartley for Brazzers and Crash Pad Series). This time we’re taking a look at our favorite punky darling, Skin Diamond, who can alt it up with the badass clan at Burning Angel, while showcasing her submissive streak over with the pervs at Kink. Let’s get into some Skin, shall we?

Exhibit A:

Here Ms. Diamond partakes in a threesome with Joanna Angel and Ramon for JoannaAngel.com, and it appears that she doesn’t mind getting all kinds of positive attention directed toward her and her indulged pussy. This is just a wholesome excursion into group sex that’s all in good working order, with Skin basically getting pampered by her two very friendly consorts.
[See Skin and friends tag-team up a storm in "Anti V-Day Threesome" at Burning Angel]

Exhibit B:

Why, over at Burning Angel it looks like Skin isn’t afraid to take the reins, either. Chad Alva’s cock is as good as hers while she cowgirl slams it into oblivion. She’s so free, easy, and hella in charge. She looks good upon her throne!
[See Skin pound Mr. Alva in "Masturbating Saves Relationships" at Burning Angel]

But, you see, Skin is a multifaceted lady who’s got a penchant for delving deep into the darker side of depravity. And what better outlet for those sorts of impulses than Kink, where they’re celebrated to grand effect?

Exhibit C:

Look how handily she can gag on a cock as part of a forceful spitroast, arms yanked behind her back, spanked and smanged all to hell. She doesn’t even look fazed! Though this group is lacking the friendly hand and feminine touch of Joanna Angel, it’s all part of a day’s fuck for Skin, a versatile young thing.
[Sit back as Mr. Pete and Mark Davis have their way with Ms. Diamond in "The Loan Sharks" at Sex & Submission]

Exhibit D:

The above gives an indication of Skin’s propensity for bangin’ to the extreme, but look how she and Gia DiMarco like to get their kicks! Skin looks lovely and placid as ever whilst suspended from the ceiling in a sideways leather hoist — then Gia breaks out her electrified strapon. Only then does Ms. Diamond break into a sweat, but… we’re sure she likes it. Because she’s a dirty girl, that Skin.
[Witness Gia give Skin an electrifying fuck to remember in "Electro-Fucked in Side Suspension" at ElectroSluts]

She may have a good deal of nasty side, but she’s a lady after our own heart. We’d tickle her puss or slap her face, whatever she wanted. So, yeah, we basically enjoy getting an eyeful of Skin no matter who, how, or where she chooses to bone.

Danny and Chad aren’t just handsome and talented slingers of penis, they’re also bandmates in a dark, minimalist metal/electronica group called Chiildren, and they just released their first digital EP. We’re so proud of them! They found the time to be edgy and freaky in a whole different arena than the one they’re usually edgy and freaky in, and the result is music that feels like being massaged by precise squirts of liquid mercury at the base of your skull.

To get you excited for the release of “The Other People,” we offer the video for their first single, “Girl in the Dirt,” starring Lily LaBeau. It’s demonic and haunting yet terribly charming; you get the sense that there’s some evil math involved in the electronic jams but it’s smoothed over with a smear of grunginess, and then the guitars and the screaming come out.

You can stream the full album (or, you know, buy it because it’s only five bucks) at Chiildren’s Bandcamp page, and it’s available at Amazon as well. And if you won’t buy it unless it’s on iTunes, well, it’s going to be there soon, you big weirdo.

Many cheers to Chiildren for the birth of “The Other People”!

· Follow Chiildren on Facebook and Twitter

By the end of New Sensations’ superb “Torn,” you, too, will risk your marriage for a chance to cheat with Remy La Croix. But you will also want to work it out with India Summer. And you’ll probably get some action on the side from Raylene, who is free-spirited.

Torn

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Eddie Powell, Jacky St. James
Starring: Steven St. Croix, Remy LaCroix, India Summer, Raylene,Tom Byron, Samantha Ryan, Chad Alva

Review by: Gram Ponante

Opening this very adult adult movie (to be released on September 3 after the kids are in school) are the words “Based On A True Story.” Writer/Co-director Jacky St. James is friends with the couple who inspired characters played by Steven St. Croix and Remy La Croix (no relation).

Drew (St. Croix) is unhappily married to Christine (India Summer). Christine is not an ice queen but is by no means a rosy-cheeked stoker of home fires, either. And prudish? Perhaps. While Christine is filled with judgment at the “phony” open marriage enjoyed by Vicky and Roy (Raylene and Tom Byron), Drew wishes he had what they have.

Into Vicky and Roy’s anniversary party steps Vicky’s niece, Mimi (Remy La Croix, captivating without being precious), a young photographer who chooses Drew for a subject. Their affair is the story of “Torn.”

Ten years ago, when porn was invented, pornographers hoping to be taken seriously created ponderous couples’ dramas featuring our favorite adult actors but now wearing business suits, conducting one-sided phone conversations about “deals,” and play-acting a version of real life that was less credible than were the adventures of the pool guy or the pizza delivery man. And the actors had the same sex that they did in every other movie, but with different lighting.

That model persists. Why are the characters often so unbelievable? I think because porn has a fantasy of real life the way real life has a fantasy of porn, like Pinocchio dreaming of being real but everyone else dreaming of animated wood.

But what St. Croix, La Croix, Summer, and Raylene do with “Torn” is such a relief from all that. Summer is cold, but not unapproachable. Raylene is an entertaining straight shooter, but neither a caricature nor comic relief. And St. Croix delivers yet another confident and unselfconscious performance in a career that has been intriguing even for porn (he’s also great with Kelli McCraty in Vivid’s “Faithless“).

It is Remy La Croix that has to be the lynchpin here, and she plays her part with subtlety, sweetness, and no sign of porny finger-biting or vocal fry.

St. James and Eddie Powell take their time with the movie, and it’s the choices they make with this simple story that set it apart. Christina spots Roy with another woman (Samantha Ryan) and is all ready to cluck triumphantly about his sham sentiments when Raylene joins the pair for a threeway.

That Vicky and Roy play an “older” couple celebrating their 17th anniversary is sweet. Numbers that high are usually only used for installments of “Gang Bang Squad.”

And while there is a narrative inevitability about an affair between Drew and Mimi, we aren’t at all sure what’s going to happen with Drew and Christina.

Ditto other flourishes of reality.

In a montage sequence of Drew’s attempts at wooing his wife, he presents her with a piece of red lingerie which she rejects, saying “I hate that color.” He is also wearing a red shirt. He lies with such facility when Christina suspects something is up; it’s chilling because it’s true. The couple has a go with reconciliation while Mimi’s roommate (Chad Alva) tries to ease her pain, like you know he always wanted to.

St. James is aiming at the couples’ market (“I don’t think it’ll be a hit with raincoaters,” she says), and “Torn” really does have something to say about infidelity that will fly in the face of porn’s often-puzzling prudishness.

I recommend this movie; it’s one you should own legally. You will want to have an affair with Remy LaCroix, and possibly even Steven St. Croix. Oddly enough, St. Croix is returning to the business after some time off and La Croix just announced her departure. We’re all glad they had this time together.

· New sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy “Torn” (adultdvdempire.com)

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When we got a CD full of stills from Bobbi Starr’s latest movie, we said to ourselves, “Oh wow, ‘Spit’ looks like it’s going to be great! We enjoy some saliva now and then, let’s take a look.” No joke, some of these photos made us gag. We consider that a good thing.

Leave it to Bobbi to direct a 246 minute-long tribute to a common body fluid, schooling us on what we do and don’t like about gagging, and completely ruining any hopes we had of eating congee ever again.

First and foremost, let’s give it up for the ladies who push themselves and their esophagi to the absolute limit in this film. These females turn themselves inside out for the camera, and that just shows what kind of mastery their possess over their own bodies. Mazel tov!

Bobbi wouldn’t ask for spit without giving up some herself, and she even does it for two gentlemen–Nat Turnher and Karlo Karrera–on a rooftop in Los Angeles. Not only does she have to satisfy two huge cocks at once, but she has to deal with the sun drying up her saliva! Oh no! Eh, it’s not actually a problem for her; she drains them of their juices before hers run out and her makeup doesn’t even run.

The same cannot be said of Chastity Lynn, who starts with a ball gag and ends up gagging on balls until her eye shadow follows the river of spit down her chest. Mr. Pete goes extremely rough on Chastity, and even uses her mucus-covered mouth to mop the floor a bit. We think these pictures were the first to make us gag.

But worry not, for whenever we gag, we also go gaga for the girl we watch. Such is the case with Kimberly Kane, who allows Tommy Pistol to put a speculum to her mouth and shove his cock inside. She hangs her head off the side of the examination table, takes a furious throat fucking, lets him long-distance jizz in her mouth, and ends the scene with her face entirely coated in spit. You can barely discern her pretty features under that mask of mucus! (We gagged a bit just writing that!)

“Spit” is honestly an extremely impressive, well-made, and beautiful piece of oral sex-based cinema, but dear God, do not watch this thing if you have a weak stomach.

· “Evil Angel” (evilangel.com)
· Buy “Spit” (store.fleshbot.com)

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Mopey teen Lisa (Lily Labeau) is none-too-enthused that her cash-strapped parents (Julia Ann and Evan Stone) have invited French exchange student Bridgette (Angell Summers) into their home. Will it help if she fucks her host family?

Exchange Student 3

Studio: Mile High Media
Director: James Avalon
Starring: Angell Summers, Julia Ann, Lily Labeau, Chad Alva, Evan Stone

Review by Gram Ponante

Predatory Bridgette wastes no time inflaming the tissues of Evan Stone and Lisa’s boyfriend (Chad Alva) with her slatternly French ways.

“The next time you make love to Lisa,” she says, “you think of me, OK?”

Can the marriage of Lisa’s parents sustain this temptation, especially with discord superstar Money Issues already in the picture? Will Lisa’s jealousy unravel her relationship? Will her boyfriend heed Bridgette’s siren call to get into some French Strange?

Surpassing the beautiful photography is the title character herself. Angell Summers is lovely to behold, and she even says “Oui” instead of the American Porn Standard “Shit!” or “Fuck!” when she is being mounted atop a bathtub or kitchen table.

Summers is destined for greatness here, as she has a ripeness and vulnerability reminiscent of “Betty Blue”‘s Béatrice Dalle. Let’s just hope she doesn’t go insane like Betty Blue did.

But with all the promise of a great and photogenic cast, we wonder why the movie ends without real consequences or resolution. Evan Stone’s glimpse of the provocative Summers showering suggests the rest of the movie will be as nuanced; instead, each of the established couples has one loving sex scene apiece. Hot as Bridgette is, why stray if you’ve already got a ready-and-willing Julia Ann or Lily Labeau?

And if we’re going to make Lisa’s boyfriend a craven adulterer, why doesn’t he also fuck Julia Ann, his girlfriend’s mom? This is porn, right? Or why don’t Lisa and Bridgette resolve their differences by going at it themselves?

(Probably because that would be two more sex scenes than most porn budgets allow.)

“Exchange Student 3″ is as fun to watch as a movie as Angell Summers is alone, but it seems like it could have been even better—tying up some narrative loose ends—with little difficulty.

Worse, actual exchange students will watch this movie and think they can just come here and fuck us and wreck our homes.

· Mile High Media (sweetsinner.com)
· Buy “Exchange Student 3″ (tlavideo.com)

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This time of year, you can’t move an inch through the smutosphere without running into some sort of XXXmas celebration. But finding a filthy way to commemorate the eight nights of Chanuka? Well, that’s a little bit trickier.

Thankfully, our beloved Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel has finally seen fit to create some appropriately themed holiday smut for her Jewish brethren and sistren, in the form of an eight man gang bang (well, seven and a half, anyway—cameraman James Deen was forced to make do with just a blowjob). Even better: a short preview of this fantastic scene is available for free on Joanna’s blog.

Fantastic stuff, yes—but somehow, that’s not even really amazing part. No, the true miracle is that when Joanna filmed this scene, she only had enough lube for one cock…but somehow, it managed to last long enough for each and every man on set. Chag sameach, everybody!

· See more at XOXO Joanna Angel (xoxojoannaangel.com)

Though it hurts us to say it, porn isn’t everything. Sometimes pornstars need a break from the endless routine of fucking, getting paid, and getting awards for fucking for cash! When they get weary of that world, they do some soul-searching, and they come up with awesome side projects like these.

Pornstars have been showing up more and more often in mainstream movies—just as Andy San Dimas recently did in “Drive”—and though we’re always stoked for pornstars who are working on their acting chops, today we’re giving props to a handful of folk who have pursuits outside the normal skill set of the adult entertainer.

Music
There are many pornstars who will hop behind the turntables and get things spinning at a club, and some—like Niki Belucci, a nominee for AVN’s 2005 Female Foreign Performer of the Year—who turn it into a post-porn career.

However, we really have a soft spot for pornstars who put together musical personae, cut a record, go on tour, and do all those other struggling artists things. Danny Wylde and Chad Alva are in this category, and they have a group called Children (way to veer off from your day job as much as possible, guys!). They even have a music video for their song, “Other People” and while the visuals aren’t very fresh, the jams are like nothing we’ve ever heard. OK, they’re slightly New Wave with a healthy dose of screamo, but it grabs us emotionally and that’s what counts! Children has officially replaced Pajamaband—the Jayme Langford/Jana Jordan group that seems to have disappeared as of 2010—as the porn band to watch.

· Children (soundcloud.com)
· See the video for “Other People” at Vimeo (vimeo.com)

Booze
Savanna Samson got interested in wine when she was a little girl, and she would help her parents make it in the cellar of their home. “I don’t claim to be an expert,” she writes, “but I started to dream of one day having my own wine.” While on vacation in Tuscany in 2005, she decided that she wanted to leave her mark on the world with winemaking, so she teamed up with Roberto Cipresso and came out with a 70% Cesanese, 20% Sangiovese and 10% Montepulciano blend named Sogno Uno. The wine received high praise from critics and lots of attention from the press (“Saturday Night Live” even joked about it). At the moment, Savanna has three more wines on the market and plans for sparkling additions to her catalog. Oh, and she also has a recording contract with E1 Music, a radio show, a sex advice column, and she’s a trained ballerina. And she’s an AVN Hall of Famer. So there.

But hey, she’s not the only pornstar who’s getting into the luxury alcohol game. Everybody’s favorite little blonde thing, Jesse Jane, recently came out with Diosa Tequila, a line of blue agave silver tequilas flavored with apple, mango, almond, and whatever “cafe caramel” is. Jesse—who uses her real name, Cindy Taylor, for all Diosa business—says that she loves going out drinking with her friends, but they find most tequilas too strong. She notes, “I thought ‘vodka has a lot of different flavors’ so I wanted to make a tequila that’s sweet.” She’s had an easy time getting her stuff promoted, too; adult industry people generally have relationships with club owners, and Jesse says she had many requests to hold Diosa parties around LA.

Oh, and we can’t forget about Ron Jeremy’s rum: Ron de Jeremy. He doesn’t want to own his rum though, he just wants to pull a Sammy Hagar: get royalty checks and booze until someone purchases his brand.

· Savanna Samson Wine (savannasamsonwine.com)
· Diosa Tequila: An Orgy of Flavors (diosatequila.com)

Writing
Lots of adult performers write, but we usually only get to see their porn scripts. Tyler Knight (seen above as Tiger Woods in “Tyler’s Wood”), however, does short stories, a monthly magazine column, and he recently completed his first novel! Oddly, Tyler got into writing after catching Tucker Max’s attention on a MMA forum; Tucker created a thread for critiquing Tyler’s writing, and his unique brand of “dirty realism” flourished. His first short story, “Happy Fucking Birthday,” was published two years ago in Thieves Jargon magazine, and he’s since had work appear in various online and published literary magazines.

His most famous work—discussed during his appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast show—is “Bukkake,” a first-person account of working as a mope, waiting to come on a pornstar’s face. So maybe some of Tyler’s stuff is porn-centric, so what? He’s taking his daily world and repackaging it with a grimy, gritty, and yet still sweetly honest voice that goes down smooth. Tyler is a huge fan of Charles Bukowski, and we bet Bukowski would feel the same about Tyler.

· Tyler Knight (tylerknight.com)

Heaven protect Zoey Kush, she’s walking through the valley of the shadow of dick, beset on all sides by men who want to make her “Angel Face” an O-face and anoint it with pearly beads of jizz.

Zoey takes some substantial measures to prevent losing her precious “Angel Face” to Danny Mountain. She braids a ponytail, brings out her most colorful duvet cover, and puts on a fluffy, pink tutu with matching low top Converse—there’s no way Danny can possibly corrupt Zoey with all these symbols of youth hanging around. But what’s this? Thigh high fishnet socks? Oh, Zoey, everybody knows that fishnets are the devil’s strainer. It’s no wonder Danny has such an easy time slipping his thick, British cock in Zoey’s tight pussy; she practically put arrows on her thighs.

Elaina Raye thought that her best defense against the sleazy, tattooed Chad Alva would be to get completely naked (as opposed to Zoey’s accented nudity) and demonstrate the purity of her tight body, with its blonde hair and blue eyes. But what’s this? A belly button piercing? With a silver Revolver charm dangling out? That’s all the invitation Chad needs to stick his pistol where he pleases. Incidentally, Elaina finds it pleasurable as well, and she can’t help running her tongue over every inch of Chad’s stiff dick.

As you can tell, it’s not the “Angel Face” itself that falls to the fearsome phalluses, it’s the little things. Like the way Anthony Rosano makes Veronica Rodriguez suck his thumb as he pushes his cock inside her. The symbolism does the work for him, and he can even cup her chin and gaze in her eyes as he humps. Take it from us, folks: if you’re trying to retain your innocence and chastity, don’t go slurping on any fingers. Not even your own fingers, baby back ribs be damned!

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy “Angel Face” (store.fleshbot.com)

Zoey Kush and Danny Mountain
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Zoey Kush and Danny Mountain
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Zoey Kush and Danny Mountain
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Zoey Kush and Danny Mountain
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Elaina Raye and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Elaina Raye and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Elaina Raye and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Elaina Raye and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Sasha Hall and Richie
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Sasha Hall and Richie
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Sasha Hall and Richie
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Sasha Hall and Richie
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Sasha Hall and Richie
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Veronica Rodriguez and Anthony Rosano
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Veronica Rodriguez and Anthony Rosano
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Veronica Rodriguez and Anthony Rosano
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Veronica Rodriguez and Anthony Rosano
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Veronica Rodriguez and Anthony Rosano
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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The year is 2069 (of course it is), and anybody with a fantasy and a fistful of yuan can visit Sex World to have customizable robots fulfill every last desire. Unless the robots go berserk and kill everyone, but that, like, almost never happens.

Sex World

Studio: Goodnight Media
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Kimberly Kane, Zoe Voss, Alexa Nicole, Ashli Orion, Briana Blair, Coco Velvett, Tara Lynn Foxx, Brian Street Team, Chad Alva, Marcus London, Rocco Reed, Seth Gamble

“Sex World” was originally a 1977 parody of “Westworld,” a Yul Brynner film about a spaghetti western theme park where an animatronic cowboy malfunctions and starts killing people. Lee Roy Myers decided to give “Sex World” a healthy little update for our modern, extra-perverted times. Take that, 1977!

The concept of a user-controlled android prostitution service is so damn brilliant that we can’t help but sense some deeper meaning in this movie. Every human participant treats his or her sexbot (er, fleshbot?) differently, but even though certain clients are nicer to the robots than others, everyone is essentially using a sex toy. On another trippy level, we interpret “Sex World” as a look at the various roles pornography fulfills for people.

Take Chad Alva, for example: when the movie opens, he’s in the middle of chastising Ashli Orion for accidentally imitating his wife in bed. “I’m not mad at you!” he screams at Ashli, turning his head to the camera. “I’m mad at them!” With a few quick keyboard strokes, the programmers change Ashli’s behavior and turn her from a redhead to a brunette. Once he’s found his ideal partner, he proceeds to mercilessly slam his cock down her throat. Now be honest: haven’t you spent hours looking for the perfect piece of porn just so you could masturbate for a few quick minutes? We certainly have, and when you think about it, it’s not that different than sitting around, working on the perfect robot girlfriend.

Ashli’s oral skills are spectacular, and even though they never pass beyond throatfucking in this scene, we don’t even remotely pine for penetration. She has the hellish determination of a robot mixed with the empathetic sluttiness of a pornstar. All the while, Chad keeps referring to her as a robot: “Suck my balls like you were made to do.” Normally, if we were see a man encouraging his lady friend to blow him by saying, “it’s the only fucking reason you exist,” we would be taken aback, but Chad can get away with anything in this context! He hangs Ashli’s head off the edge of the bed, mouthfucks her, chokes her, and slaps his sack against her nose—and he seemed like such a sweet young man, too.

What about couples who enjoy porn? Do they have a place at Sex World, too? Of course. First, there’s Seth Gamble and Zoe Voss who visit Sex World, explain their respective fantasies to the technicians, and end up in the same room with the same female android! Oh no! Seth frantically explains that the only reason Tara Lynn Foxx is there is because she’s the nightly news anchor and he sees her all the time, but before he can fully panic about having his cover blown, Zoe explains that she too has been dying to fuck Tara. The mutual knowledge of their fantasy brings them closer together than ever before. That’s when Tara walks up and starts rubbing Zoe’s ass.

Threesomes are nothing special usually, even couple-plus-one threesomes, but this scene is outrageously hot. It takes Seth and Zoe a little while to figure out how to incorporate a third person, but with time and a few, firm, open-palmed spanks to get the blood flowing, these three form a perpetual motion machine that has Tara and Zoe coming over and over. Even the most jaded viewer will get hot under the collar watching orgasmic waves breaking on Zoe, arching her back, and making her go limp. These three seem to have limitless energy, and since the scene resists any formula for escalation (that is, teasing, oral sex, and penetration don’t follow any pattern and switch at random), every moment unfolds feeling as fresh as the one before it.

Meanwhile, Rocco Reed and Alexa Nicole have been having serious marital issues. The sweet, sheepish Rocco can’t get it up, and his wife Alexa would rather say tyrannical and humiliating things than help him. So what kind of androids do they design? Alexa gets fucked to bits by a ruthless, misogynistic, pompadoured Brian Street Team, and—after he gets a little peek at Alexa being treated like garbage—Rocco bones a bright-eyed Briana Blair. Both of these scenes are great, but we must commend Alexa and Brian for starting off rough and somehow getting even more hardcore by the end. Brian flings her around the bed, pushes her face into the pillow, and although he makes her come a dozen times, he does it his way. For those interested, his way is basically to pound her pussy as hard as possible until she’s about to burst and then suddenly stop, buried inside her, and gingerly pull out. Everyone write that technique down.

We almost forgot about Kimberly Kane! How could we? She wants a lover who talks like a romance novel and screws twice as hard. Marcus London shows up, says some sweet things to her, and promptly gets to eating her out. Only after they’ve both finished—after her eyes have made multiple trips to the back of her skull—does Kimberly realize that her lover was a real man and not the customized fuckbot! A tad creepy, yes, but gosh darnit Marcus is a charmer.

Maybe our theories about “Sex World” fizzle out, but we don’t care; this movie is a joy from start to finish, and we don’t know whether to credit Lee Roy Myers’s directing or his writing. He gives us enough information about this not-too-distant future (e.g., America is on the yuan, the military bombs foreign targets for sport, MMA fighters and surgeons desperately need work) to get us excited and set the scene, but he never overexplains or wastes time with background. This is a man who knows his audience well, and he can displace us without being boring or alienating.

So far, Goodnight Media has given us nothing but buckets of awesomeness, and we’re happy to say that “Sex World” continues this streak.

· Goodnight Media (goodnightmovies.com)
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Zoe Voss
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Is it June already? Gosh, how time flies. Barely legal high school babes are graduating at this very moment, and Digital Sin representatives are sitting in the auditoriums of America waiting to offer these young women a job. Summer is going to be marvelous.

The way we see it, college can wait. Unless these young women are hoping to be physicians or something dreadfully serious like that, there’ll be plenty of time for them to be sexy co-eds when they’ve moved into that awkward territory between barely legal teens and cougars. For now, Sophia Sutra, Chloe Starn, Ava Jay, and Tia Cyrus are free, fresh, and still fit into their schoolgirl outfits.

Actually, we’re somewhat surprised that Tia Cyrus still has her uniform, given the fact that her butt is too curvy and delicious to be hidden by her skirt. Ramon Nomar barely has to left a finger to get the plaid off of Ava’s ass, and once she feels the breeze against her butt, she goes crazy. She has Ramon fuck her in every position they can think of, and she never wants to stop—we guess that uniform was really holding her back!

That’s the whole point of the uniform, right? Keeping kids in line, removing their individuality, preventing anyone from flashing gang colors, etc. In fact, Chloe Starn was just discussing this with Chad Alva, her Marxist boyfriend who runs a farm share co-op/tattoo parlor. As a final act of defiance against the police state that was her high school, Chloe asks Chad to bone her savagely while she wears her full uniform and the two of them debate the Labor Theory of Value. Economics keeps Chad Alva hard.

Are we seeing things, or does Anthony Rosano have an extra goofy hairdo in his scene with Sophia Sutra? His dark, swoopy bangs cast a shadow over the wholesome environment that Sophia is trying to create. Perhaps Sophia’s tired of the wholesome thing and she wants to be an emo delinquent! That’s why we have photos that combine Sophia’s headband and sweater vest with Anthony’s stiff cock and spiritual/ethnic tattoos. This is a woman who is moving on in life, and nothing says “I’m done with school” like being too lazy to take off your panties for sex.

“Fresh Outta High School 21″ streets today thanks to Digital Sin. Get it now while it’s still fresh!

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With summer a scant few weeks away, most of the world’s students are preparing to wrap things up in the classroom. But not Joanna Angel: no, as everyone else readies themselves for summer vacation, our Supreme Commandress is getting ready to go back to school (she’s just that punk rock).

Of course, since this is Joanna Angel we’re talking about, the school day is a little different than we remember. Sure, there’s chemistry class and a goofy mascot (played by Keni Styles), but there’s, well, a whole lot more extracurricular activity than we remember having in high school. Then again, if this is what high school had been like for us, we probably never would have graduated.

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You’ve seen the YouTube trailer—but what good is a promo for “SexWorld” that doesn’t show you a hint of the adult antics the complex is famous for?

Well, never fear: your pervy friend Fleshbot has got its hands on the hardcore trailer for “SexWorld”—straight from the hands of Lee Roy Myers himself. So take a peek at what those androids can do…the future is grand, ain’t it?

· Good Night Media (goodnightmovies.com)

First there was “Westworld,” a 1973 scifi thriller about a Western-themed adult amusement park populated by highly realistic androids there to fulfill the fantasies of the park’s high paying patrons. Then there was “SexWorld,” a 1978 parody porn about a very adult amusement park, where high paying patrons pay to have their naughtiest fantasies fulfilled by androids. Now, thirtysome years later, we’ve got an updated version of “SexWorld,” directed by the talented Lee Roy Myers—and starring the impressive team of Alexa Nicole, Ashli Orion, Briana Blair, Coco Velvett, Kimberly Kane, Tara Lynn Foxx, Zoe Voss, Brian Street Team, Chad Alva, Marcus London, Ryan McClane, Rocco Reed, and Seth Gamble. If you’ve ever wondered what sex will be like in 2069…well, it probably won’t be like this. (But the movie still looks awesome.)

· Good Night Media (goodnightmovies.com)

The way we see it, the whole “death and taxes” shtick is played out. The only things we can count on in this world are breasts, butts, and the occasional bit of body modification.

“Tits, Tats, N’ Ass” seems a bit like Bluebird’s answer to the Burning Angel hegemony, but that doesn’t mean they’re going for formulaic nonsense. At heart, this is a movie with hardcore sentiments everyone can enjoy!

Unless you’re squeamish, that is. We know inner-lip tattoos are pretty common, but when we see Juelz Ventura pull her lip down and reveal hers, we can’t help but imagine the needle going over the soft, always wet flesh. “Lips are for sucking, not skewering!” says the button-down, conservative perv inside us. We must suppress our squeamishness; it’s not polite to stare as Danny Scott busts his load all over Juelz’s gums.

And besides, the sex is steamy enough to make us forget our hang-ups. Danny makes Juelz grit her teeth and spread her cheeks as his thick, throbbing cock slowly slides inside her. Andy San Dimas gives Danny Wylde dinner and a show: she shows off her tats while he rims he deeply. Paris Kennedy ups the bad-girl ante for her scene, riding Chad Alva with a studded belt and thigh-high leather boots. Ooh, studded belt…

We like bodies, we like art, we think bodies are art, and we appreciate well-done body art. If you concur with any part of that sentence, and you feel like you might want to see some jizz on a tattoo or two, you’ll love “Tits, Tats, N’ Ass.”

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We gushed about “Lost and Found” when the trailer came out, but now that it’s finally in stores, we get to celebrate all over again: Allie Haze! Romance! A cute puppy! Hardcore action with a heart!

Xander Corvus has a huge crush on his cute neighbor, Allie Haze, but he doesn’t know how to connect with her. One day her dog ends up in Xander’s backyard and she thinks it’s gone missing. Based on the stony advice of Chad Alva and Kimberly Kane, Xander takes this opportunity to hide the dog and spend all of his time fruitlessly searching for the puppy with Allie. Hilarity, love, remorse, and sex all ensue

Ok, so as floyd-fan already pointed out, this is remarkably close to the 1999 David Spade/Sophie Marceau movie “Lost & Found,” but we don’t really want to call it a parody. Maybe this is the birth of homage porn? That has a nice ring to it.

Anyhow, we’re focusing too much on the adorable and not enough on the arousing. Xander doesn’t spend the whole movie pining after Allie; he also has a one night stand with Zoe Voss that’s as sexually thrilling as it is emotionally unfulfilling. All he really wants is to roll around in Allie’s soft sheets, nibble her ear lobes, spoon her, and kiss up and down her neck. Of course, there’s raucous, headboard-banging sex that keeps to the usual New Sensations standard of smut, but it’s tempered with smiles and smooches.

Chad and Kimberly get busy as well, even though they never seem to leave the couch, put on clothing, or stop playing PlayStation. We’d call them potheads, but potheads can’t tear up the living room with the passion that these two possess. In fact, it seems like Lexi Belle and Tony de Sergio have a slower, stonier screw than their co-stars. Maybe it’s just their droopy eyes and the way Lexi wraps her feet around Tony’s back, but these two seem almost too chill.

But it’s cool by us! “Lost and Found” streets today thanks to New Sensations and director Eddie Powell, and there’s a copy of it sitting in our office this very moment. We never thought we’d have to say this, but no animals were harmed in the making of this porn.

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New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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Allie Haze and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Allie Haze and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Kimberly Kane, Chad Alva, and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Zoe Voss and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Kimberly Kane and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Kimberly Kane and Chad Alva
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Zoe Voss and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Allie Haze and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Allie Haze and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)
Allie Haze and Xander Corvus
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Buy “Lost and Found” (store.fleshbot.com)

If there’s one good thing that’s come out of Porn Valley’s financial woes, it’s that the people who are still making smut have stepped up their game, making seriously good smut that’s worth laying down the dollars for.

Case in point: the latest release from New Sensations’ Romance Series, “Lost and Found.” We’ve only seen the trailer, but we’re completely blown away. Good lighting, good acting, good production values—if you told us this was a romantic comedy coming soon to a theater near us, we would totally believe you. And to find it out it has sex, too? Amazing! We seriously can’t wait to see it. (Why must we wait??)

· The Romance Series (theromanceseries.com)

New Sensations just came out with “Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody,” and we finally get to see those meddling kids (er, young adults) meddle with each other without dealing with that annoying talking Great Dane.

Because Scooby is missing! Jinkies! Luckily he’s got Daphne (Bree Olson), Fred (Michael Vegas), Shaggy (Chad Alva), and Velma (Bobbi Starr, who said that Velma was her favorite character she’s ever had the honor of playing). In addition, Lily LaBeau shows up looking all foxy, and we’re pretty sure that Evan Stone is the evil guy. We wish we had a team of retro-outfitted pornstars looking for us. Some dogs have all the luck.

Anyway, we thought we’d post these photos because, well, everyone looks so good! There are few things we love more than perfectly-executed parody pornos, and “Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody” has everything down to the neckerchiefs (we think Daphne’s should be a little more lime green, but close enough).

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy “Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody” (store.fleshbot.com)