Sex in the back of a car? Check. Steamed up windows? Check (way to complete your “Titanic” fantasies, too). Interrupted by friends? You betcha. Only one person orgasms? Yes! You did it! You’re officially ready to be an adult now; stress about auto insurance will prevent you from ever again fucking in the backseat.
True story: we were once at a wedding where a relative of the groom owned a car service company. Upon reception’s end, why, what kaleidoscopically-lighted, karaoke-capable limousine pulled up to pick us up than something auspiciously called “The Fun Mobile”. And, yes, it was a rollicking, lung-bursting, euphoric good time. But… if the Fun Mobile pulled up again, and Danny Wylde’s rockin’ ride rolled up beside it, we’d have to go with Danny. Look what’s in his backseat! There may not be flashing lights and a bevy of pop song delights, but there is his awesome schlong. Yeah, we’ll drop the mic for this one.
If you’re worried that there’s not enough nudity on TV right now, worry no more! Netflix just premiered a surreal and sexy horror series called “Hemlock Grove,” and the first episode alone is kinked out the pink. Here’s Bill Skarsgard (yes, Alexander’s brother) getting banged in a car while playing with his own blood.
And we were all atwitter when these folks were on their in-car BJ! Little did we know that was just the beginning. We’re pretty sure those two dudes chillin’ outside caught a glimpse of this babe’s bobbing head — greater than a dashboard bobblehead, that’s for sure — yet they still go about their business of sitting. We’d at least do a double take. And then furtively try to see as much as we could within the realm of only slightly pervy taste.
Girls and motorcycles. What is it about them that goes together like bagels and lox? Perhaps it’s the enormous macho vibrating machine between the elegant legs of a fashion queen. Throw in some leather and satin and killer heels and devil horns and you’ve got yourself the perfect date to a “Bad Music for Bad People” listening party.
We were so caught up thinking about the intricacies of the confrontation between Emma Greenwell and the female sex offender (translation: we were distracted by Emma’s boobs and vaguely Zooey Deschanel haircut) that we totally forgot about Stephanie Fantauzzi’s forced mutual masturbation scene. Tsk on us!
Whether Bentley, Honda, SUV or jalopy, our cars are little rolling adventure domes where the
sky’s road’s the limit. They can take us across county, state, and international borders — so why not have them take us to orgasm-town on the way? There ain’t nothin’ wrong with the scenic route.
We love car-enthusiast babes! Way to buck trends and shirk norms. Even if that means, erm, fucking your favorite gondola’s gearstick. Hey, auto-amorous dudes get to bang the tailpipe, so why not? Although we’re not sure who’s enjoying this ride more — the lady or the car. Or us… teehee.
They go together like chicken and biscuits. Certain cars are outfitted with a special rear-view camera to enable you to more safely operate the vehicle in reverse. We really appreciate Jada Stevens’ extreme punnistry here, because she’s truly made this into a rear-view camera. And what a rear! Basically all lenses should hone in on that fine ass as she walks by — surveillance cameras, sweet old tourists’ drugstore disposables, news helicopters, you name it. It’s a booty that just begs to be captured. And if it’s captured in sweet, sweet motion? Even better.
Oh, yes — you must be one of those sprightly, purposely-panty-baring pixies. Otherwise why would you choose underthings that so carefully complement your overthings? Don’t get us wrong, we see nothing wrong with that, in fact we think it’s quite a virtue, but we’re onto your tricks, you mischievous little minx. We just wish more people would follow suit.
When in the throes of an hours-long road trip, we’ve been known to fall victim to a certain highway hypnosis that saps our consciousness as we put mile after grey mile behind us. If there’s anything that could snap us out of our travel stupor, though, it would certainly be a run-in with those rare sirens of the streets — a highway hoe.
Forget about the Sham Wow. The most effective (or at least the sexiest) way of getting that windshield sparkling clean is through the supreme buffing power of babe-ass. As an added bonus, they don’t leave any smudges, scratches, or streaks! Er, that is unless streaks of cum go flying as a result of passenger-wanking. But our carwash only handles the exterior territory. Whatever messes happen inside the vehicle — that’s up to you.
We’re into topless handies by sullen-faced starlets, don’t get us wrong. But we’re also very much into cramming enormous black cock into our mouth and up our wet pussy. They’re both cool.
For years, we’ve been teased by rumors of “Twilight” star Kristen Stewart maybe doing a nude scene, only to be disappointed when various her films contained zero nudity. But at last the wait is over: as The New York Post reported last month, “On The Road” contains actual, factual Kristen Stewart nudity–and we managed to get a peek at it.
There are a few rules that make a good candidate for riding shotgun. 1: Wear your seatbelt. 2: Be the musical navigator, choosing songs that match the mood and journey of the evening. 3: Don’t distract the driver. Unless it’s by finger-fucking your wet vagina with your legs up in the air.
Are you hard? A little?
I’m very hard. Very fucking hard.
I’m glad. Wish I was just around the corner. You’d get a text message from me. “Come down, bring condoms”
Rob Guimaraes, a.k.a. Nihilus Zero has a brilliant idea for a photoseries: he gets girls in the backseat of his car, he drives around, he photographs them masturbating, and then he makes a collage out of the images. Their bodies, the light pouring through the windows, and the positions they discover in the cramped dimensions of the car combine to make something really beautiful and innocent. Plus: tons of female masturbation!
Ladies: rare treat for you today. Richardson Magazine concocted an insane video that gives you a taste of what the inside of a TV-and-hormone-blasted teenage boy’s head looks like. Gentleman: remember that dark part of you that you’ve tried to suppress? Well, it’s back to visit, and now it’s set to the musical stylings of Die Antwoord!
She meets me at the hotel bar. I ask her to wear a short cotton skirt and thigh-highs, heels, and a tight top. As always, she complies with my request.
We kiss gently hello on the cheeks. I pull her toward me by her waist as we kiss. She strains to reach me, standing on tip-toes.