These are some of the pleasanter things we can think of on the earth — and both are as winning as can be when they’re coming from the über-babely Brooklyn Lee. We almost can’t decide which we like more… On the one hand, imagining Brooklyn’s boobs plunging over us like a body-waterfall kind of makes us shiver from the inside out. On the other, that adorable grin makes our whole being smile. Can one ever quantitatively measure which brings the most joy into the world? Can one?!! Oh. Well, looks like we don’t even have to bother because this GIF totally has it all. Phew.

Horny European vampires. This porn writes itself. All of a sudden intense nipple clamp torture and clothespins on the face and choking and fishnets and public fucking and blacklight paint and lines like “you need to learn to control yourself” all make a little more sense in the context of eternal vampire hedonistic orgies. Of course, a Rocco Siffred flick would have all those things even if there were no vampires, but this puts a nice new twist on some time-worn material.

Sometimes we feel like we’re forcing you to look at things you don’t want, but you know what? If you don’t want to watch a behind the scenes video of the gorgeous Brooklyn Lee being adorned with heavy iron shackles and chains while Dave Naz snaps pictures of her, then the loss is yours.

Perhaps it’s the mystique of being amongst the most rarefied of the haircolor rainbow that lends redheads their unique appeal. Whether they be naturally rosy-locked or be it from a box or beautician, everyone loves getting their Jessica Rabbit on. And everyone loves getting it on with her, as it turns out.

We know these people are good at fucking, but what other nifty talents are they hiding? We worked up the gumption to ask them right in their pretty faces when we went to AEE, and we got some fascinating responses. For example, Skin Diamond likes to sing, but she won’t do it in public: “My asshole’s all over the internet but I’m too shy to sing in front of people.”

Babes, guns, drugs, crime, cartels, kidnappers, and explosions: that’s what we need right about now, and Digital Playground is giving us precisely that with their latest film. Every year, they drop a big budget booty-shaking movie on us, and this time we’re getting a tale of foxy military mamas going to rescue a friend in need. You’ll be on the edge of your seat with your hands on your meat!

When you ask pornstars about sex, you don’t just get a handful of neat tricks to try in the bedroom, you get to hear their philosophies about what it means to be sexy, to give and receive pleasure, and how to give yourself the best emotional, physical, and mental opportunities for experiencing unbridled sexual ecstasy. You also get a sweet bunch of one-liners and goofy quotes. God, we love pornstars so fucking much!

For the beautiful ladies of porntopia, one can only imagine daily life involving a slight barrage of hopeful fellows throwing their best lines out, hoping for a bite. We inquired of the babes of AEE as to some of the standouts or standbys they’ve encountered — and the real zingers may induce a groan, giggle, or grimace, but for the most part it’s pretty much a womp womp sort of situation. Nevertheless, we can all giggle together.

Sir Deen has basically reached guru level when it comes to matters of the butt, and we could all stand to gather ’round and learn a thing or two. Namely, the art of making someone “our filthy whore” through a solid dicking. That seems like a good place to start.

So at AEE, Fleshbot decided to do some serious investigating with our favorite pornstar paramours and proposed a question — out of all the folks in the biz, past and present, whether you’ve already stuck it to ‘em on set or just wish to — who brings a smile to your face and a fire to your loins? Like, who you mega-crushin’ on? Some answers were straightforward, others more a surprise, but one thing’s for sure: Porntopia is one big, beautiful, sleazy fucking family.

I have always been confused by Elegant Angel’s choice to release its “Performers of the Year” for the current year in January. It’s not like the 2013 Honda CR-V, in which the aerodynamic and sporty XUV is new for that model year; “Performers of the Year” implies that the rest of the year is cake, and these ladies have already won.

This year’s Dirty Dozen reflects wise and difficult choices in the Pornographic Arts.

For real, we just don’t know what to do with a title like “Black Owned 4.” What does “Black Owned” mean? Is that like when a pre-owned car was in the possession of a black person? That’s a weird distinction to make. Is Jules Jordan using “owned” like gamers use it? Like pwned? Does Mandingo pwn females with his wang?

Yes! Yes people! This is just how it is in real life! (We um, have some lesbian friends. We check our facts here at Fleshbot. We dot our t’s and cross our i’d and… wait, is that… oh hey, is that girls making out over there?) All the soft butch in the red flannel has to do is smarmily* introduce the idea of Truth or Dare and then everyone’s inner lesbian is revealed!

While a wild-eyed and committed Kimberly Kane holds the pornographically well-made but otherwise narratively flawed “Expendables XXX” together, this 3-D parody really does add a dimension missing from the original.

Alexis
Texas is my Platonic Ideal of porn stars; her weight is refreshing, and her knees are dirty.

Oh dear, she is, isn’t she? And BiBi Jones is doing it, too? What happened? They used to be such nice girls–such pleasant, sweet, endlessly horny girls–and now they’ve started using their gifted vaginas for evil. Really, what kind of person uses sex to get money?

Has there ever been a porn film about pals who like screwing each other but have no romantic aims or feelings? This is not that porn. Brooklyn Lee and Tommy Pistol are friends, they fuck, and they will discover a spark of love between. Heartwarming, yes, but the fuck buddies of the world feel underrepresented.