We’re not certain how Ana Mara is managing to spread her legs but not quite spread her pussy. We think it has something to do with her luscious thighs, or the ability to tease right up to the moment to the moment of the big reveal. It’s an impressive talent, but frankly we’re pleased that not everyone is as good at it as Ana Mara.

Oh sure, there are things you have to do with your clothes on and/or out in the world, but we see those as detours–little pathways you get chased down on the way to another bed. Who chases you? Better question: who doesn’t?

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always look down at your chest! At least, some of us can, namely Elsa Hosk. All she has to do is tilt her head and marvel at the breasts that are so near perfection that must’ve been made from a magic mannequin, and her troubles all melt away.

Why did this Brazilian artist film a woman grinding on lettuce and jackfruit in a paint-covered car? What’s up with the mask? Are we supposed to be horrified or horny? Sometimes, like right now, we don’t want an explanation. “Just ’cause” is just cause enough for us, especially when everything’s so aesthetically pleasing!

Don’t worry, nothing bad happened to them! They assumed that it was fine to take their tops off in Copacabana, but this is not so. Teensy bikinis with barely-there G-strings? Yes. Boobs? No. Hey, we all make mistakes!

At no point in the fine film “Miss Big Ass Brazil 10″ does Cibelle Mancinni actually back up. When the records are unsealed 50 years from now, I think we will learn that she prevented the world from being destroyed.

Took something interesting? Getting freaked out in the desert? Tired of talking to God? We’ve all been there before. Everybody has their own special way for gently ending a trip, but we think the best way to come down is to come–preferably from oral sex in a tent in the desert by a woman wearing many powerful rings and necklaces.

She may not be famous, she may not work it like an American pornstress, but in that sweltering Rio hotel room, Monique Carvalho is a one-woman Brazilian Chamber of Commerce campaign.

Bruna Surfistinha (which means “Little Surfer Bruna”) is the pen name of a Brazilian sex worker who became crazy famous by blogging about her experiences with clients. At the height of her popularity, she was appearing on television, in magazines, in porn, and she even wrote a book called “The Scorpion’s Sweet Venom,” which became a movie starring Deborah Secco. Here’s some sexiness from that movie!

That’s a lover, y’all. And we can think of no finer way to express your love than by hitching on your biggest strapon and ramming it into your boyfriend’s ass. They’ve got some serious face going on here, and we think it’s from feeling the love. And the ass-ramming.

We don’t understand Portuguese, but we like that this voyeuristic videographer is directing his friends in a multifaceted fuck session. Imagine having this beautifully stacked Brazilian babe and her willing partner in front of you, ready to act out all the things you could dream!

Getting an exuberant bout of anal action can make one feel many things: champ, king, boss, wizard. And now we add to the list — “god of metal”.

You see, there was this sketch comedy show in Brazil called “Pânico na TV” that had a team of super cute dancers called the Panicats. If you were watching good TV in the early ’90s, you probably remember “In Living Color” and their team of Fly Girls (including Rosie Perez and Jennifer Lopez); these shows are parallel so far. Unfortunately, our Fly Girls never stripped down to strike sexy poses around a ranch, so that’s where the comparison ends.

But as long as we get to catch a glimpse of Brazilian actress Leandra Leal’s perfect dark nipples, it can’t have been all that bad.

Egotastic predicts that Juliana Ninin will be part of the next wave of Brazilian supermodels to become household names. We agree with them on that point, but we’re trying to focus on the here and now, and right now, Juliana Ninin is in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue that gets published every single day in our nasty brains.

It looks like in Brazil the magazines don’t shy away from boobiness like we often do. They even embrace a little snatch-action without batting an eyelash!

Listen, we’re not saying you specifically deserve to have a bunch of juicy Brazilian asses lining the halls of your castle, because maybe that’s not your thing. What we mean is every single person should have something in his or her life that is as glorious as a “Big Ass Anal Brazilian Orgy.” Look at those five beautiful words. Don’t you wish you had five words that defined your whole existence, too?

Damn, Gracyanne Barbosa. You oughta back that ass up…into the loading dock of a well-equipped genetic research lab so we can figure out how exactly you got this bodacious backside. We call dibs on whatever gene sequence produces an ass with its own anti-gravity generator. Is it safe for Gracyanne

“Assalto ao Banco Central” is based on the story of the largest robbery ever in Brazil (and one of the top ten largest robberies in world history) that took place in 2005. Apparently, being a successful bank robber involves having sex often, to death metal, during lightning storms. As if

Look at how little furniture she has to work with, and what creative poses she’s come up with. Oh, you didn’t think we meant her boobs, did you? Well, now that you mention it, she is making the most of those too. Monique is added to our list of millions