Way to go, Cesare! Charlotte d’Albret (Stephanie Caillard) is fine like wine, and though history books tell us this marriage was a political arrangement made in order to strengthen Cesare’s bonds with France and King Louis XII, “Borgia” shows us just how truly happy the young couple is in each other’s arms. We believe whichever source has more boobs and sex.

It’s been a while since we’ve taken a look at what Giulia Farnese (Marta Gastini) has been up to, but fortunately, she’s still banging that old sack of bones named Pope Alexander VI. Say what you will about the Borgia clan, but they put the “sin” in “consistency.”

Given what we know about the Borgia clan, how do you think they make friends? Intimidation and the threat of physical violence? Good guess! But not in this case. Try nudity: it’ll make a whole crowd of cudgel-holding weirdos raise their arms with joy.

Our love of Lucrezia Borgia (Isolda Dychauk’s portrayal, specifically) goes back a long way, but we think we’ve found a clip that tops all the others. If Lucrezia has to bang her man Alfonso under the prying eyes and pointless commentary of two church officials, she’s going to do it her way: on top.

Perhaps a better title for this would be “Cesare Borgia Doesn’t Know How to Appreciate Naked Women,” because it’s true: first the guy couldn’t stop looking at his maps long enough to have sex, and now he’s thrown a poor woman’s nightgown in the fire. We’re not saying he has to sleep with every lady in the Vatican, but he should at least be nice to them.

If it were you or us in that situation, the path would be clear: ignore work, have sex with Maria Diaz Garlon (Daisy Lewis), and repeat until dinner. But we’re not Borgias, we don’t know what power is, what it tastes like, how uniquely arousing it can be. Cesare here has a bad case of blue balls, and he won’t feel release until he’s conquered something big and strategic.

We’ve had a lot of fun watching Canal Plus’s interpretation of the poisonous and somewhat pornographic history of the Borgia family, but we’ve really only been watching Isolda Dychauk, Marta Gastini, and a few other names. Meanwhile, there are countless topless babes running around this show and they don’t even

It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve seen “History’s Hottest Femme Fatale” (debatably) grace our small screens/the European small screen. We missed her! She might be in deep trouble this time, though. Guess all that “discovering your sexuality” stuff doesn’t go down well if you’re the daughter of a

Admittedly, our naughty nun fantasies don’t include anything about incest, but you have to take the good with the bad when it comes to Lucrezia. If she’s going to give us the gift of her hot naked body escaping out of her habit, there’s going to be some sketchiness with

It’s not too surprising, really. We saw Giulia Farnese get choked briefly, and then we saw Lucrezia Borgia get her nipples chomped on (before waking up under a pile of rocks, whatever that was), but now we get to see this male Borgia getting slapped around! And the lady slapper

You might not agree with our declaration that Lucrezia Borgia is history’s hottest femme fatale, but we can’t think of anyone else more deserving of that title. She allegedly walked around with a hollow ring so she could randomly poison people. We dare you to tell us that’s not oddly

We all know and love Showtime’s nudity- and scandal-filled look at that naughty papal family, “The Borgias.” Well, now there’s a European version simply called “Borgia,” which looks pretty much the same as its American cousin. Does this mean we thought of something cool first? Awesome! Usually it’s the other