It’s that time of year, when you can find a disgusting rusted metal boat floating in some isolated lake, tear off all the trappings of society, lay back, and make sure your inner labia is just the right shade of whatever.
Can’t nobody tell Rhana da Rocha how to dress. Yes, she is a model, and she has to wear fancy fashion items in order to make a living, but she’s free to wear things how she pleases. If she want to use a purse as a bra, she can; if she wants to wear her jacket backwards and show her ass off, then her buns shall be chilly. That shall be righteously chilly.
The time was right, Cara Delevingne. It’s nighttime, you’re with a posse, you’re moving through a crowd, the photographer has the sharp angle on your cleavage, and your nipple would be right there except for the pasties on your boob. Almost, Cara. Almost.
We were fans of the series as is, but if things had taken such sexy turns while we were reading we would have snuck out the flashlight and read all night. This blonde biddie has taken things to the next level, getting a friend involved to live out the plot in all its smutty detail. Awesomely, the tale revolves around a lot of cunnilingus and bangin’.
You want to take a shower with Meve, everybody wants to take a shower with Meve, but you have a long way to go before you get there. If you’re patient enough to wait for her to take off her various tops, if you can manage not to stare too hard at her tits, you still have to prevent yourself from being petrified by her eyes–them balls are aquamarine!
It’s a combination of which we’ll never tire. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, like Abbott and Costello, like dicks and cumsluts. Timeless, really. And all it takes to bring about the magic is a deft handie, kind of like the one this lusciously be-breasted lady is bestowing upon her lucky man. All these elements are so complementary, a jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces fall right into place. Then get covered in cum. You know the kind!
Miranda, honey, sweetie, we hate to break it to you like this, but we think you need to have a chat with your clothing about your future together. We get that you’re a model, and fashion is important to you and your career, but it’s starting to look like there’s some strife between you and whatever fabric is blocking your boobs at any given moment. Maybe it’s time to address the issue. Better yet, undress the issue!
We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking those clips of Pihla Viitala from “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre” were great, but they weren’t enough to quench your thirst for this foxy Finnish babe. You know how we know what you’re thinking? We’re thinking the same damn thing.
Oh no! Someone’s using the shower at the beach and Jennifer Nicole Lee can’t get her spray on! Not a problem. Jennifer has a backup plan: a gallon of water in a jug. It’s only gonna take a few quick splashes to get this show back on the road.
We know you have places to go and stuff to do, but if you could just slow it down for a moment, you’d feel right as rain. Instead of running around and scrubbing like a maniac in your shower, you should sit down and sensually pour water all over your bod. You’ll feel like a goddess!
Or at least they go a long way in helping! See, people who want to cause trouble and mess with other people’s good vibes should just take a step back, and think of this. Arabelle Raphael’s glorious double-F tatas bounding up and down — how could anyone want to do anything other than spread rainbows and unicorns and sparkles across this world of such beauty?
See Justine Joli and Heather Vandeven get wet at Stagg Street
Think about how far swimsuits have come over the years. They used to be full-body numbers you had to don in bathing machines before being pushed into the ocean, and now we have string bikinis so skimpy you’d swear they were made from guitar strings. What does the future hold? Look at Monika Jagaciak for the answer: tits out, suspenders up, sexual tension everywhere.
Right now, a lot of people are saying things like “Damn, Katharina Damm!” and that’s fine, but we’re not going to do that. No, instead, we’re going to say, “Hey, Katharina, your breasts are shaped like beautiful little zeppelins. Thanks for putting them out there! Also, are you still dating Jared Leto?”
It seems like an innocent enough question, especially when a whirring Magic Wand is being held to your clit, a dude is fucking you in the ass, and another is choking you out — under any normal circumstances (heh!) you’d come your little heart out a thousand times. But, Kaci Star, you’re within the walls of the Kink armory now, and things are a little different here. So… can you come? No.
You might think Michea Crawford is being silly, but ask yourself this: if you get invited to the funeral of a famous modern dance choreographer who was known for highly eroticized performances, how are you going to dress? Yeah, that’s right, you’re going to dress just like Michea and the veil over your face will be swirled around like soft serve on the sexy cone that is your body.
We know you don’t want to get out of bed, and neither does Marion, but when that alarm goes off she’ll be leaping out of those sheets like a lizard. So whether you’re looking for some subtle gropage beneath the covers or are hoping to see a flash of full frontal, you better prepare yourself and get it while it’s hot.
