And lo, Veruca James wandered for many days in the (San Fernando) Valley until the Lord delivered her unto Tim Von Swine, and her raiment and arousal was pleasing to his kin, and from their manhoods issued forth a sweet, sticky, white brine that nourished Veruca and possibly even helped tighten her pores. And the Lord saw that it was good.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the basic physiological requirements for human survival include water, food, sleep, and shelter. Sociologists at Jules Jordan University are now figuring out that you can supplant shelter with a bunch of facials. Apparently, your brain is as happy with a roof over your head as it is with someone’s load on your face!

When the Japanese Women’s Soccer Team won a match, or a game, or a tourney, or whatever gets won in that sport, Kelly Shibari decided to throw a blowbang.

Gosh, we remember back when Alexis Ford was a glamour model, and now look at her: she’s become a full-fledged hardcore pornstar, holding down three and a half hours of nonstop fucking. If we’re not mistaken, this fine film features her first anal, first interracial, first double penetration, and even her first blowbang. Behold the beast that has been hiding in Alexis Ford’s heart this whole time!

When porn references “Miss Saint,” we immediately think of the legendary Czech cutie Silvia Saint, but this movie is actually all about Samantha Saint. We don’t think she’s trying to unseat Silvia as the number one Miss Saint, but damn: this movie shows that Samantha is destined to become one of history’s pornographic titans.

So, as it turns out, when you look inside the Ark of the Covenant, you’ll find an extra five commandments that are all about the glory of blowbangs and being anointed by jizz. And the whole Nazi face-melting light you saw in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” well, let’s just say God has some mixed-up ideas about blowbangs.

We like facials, but we’d pay good money to watch a movie in which Katie St. Ives turns on the bullet time and barrel rolls away from the fat ropes of jizz that are flying through the air towards her face. Anyway, that’s not this movie. This is about women who face their facials with bravery, and we are about to conscientiously objectify them.

Maybe it’s just us and the non-stop porn watching we do, but every time we see someone conduct a press conference with eight to fifteen big microphones stiffly sitting on the podium, we imagine those microphones turning into a bunch of dicks and cramming themselves down the speaker’s throat–kind of like what happens here with Gracie Glam and the blowbang!

Upon first watching Veronique Vega swallow two thick cocks, we noted how happy she looked. But the more we watch, the more we wonder: would she be happier with another dick to play with? This is not to say anything bad about Alan Stafford or Stoney O’Neil and their large

You can’t forge a fuck buddy relationship with everyone you know, so when you find compatible cuties, be sure to treat them with care. Some day you might want to make a movie, and then who will you cast? This trio exemplies the loving dynamic that all friends-with-benefits should have:

In Hustler’s “Nikki Benz: Superstar” (the Nikki Benz version, not the Paul Thomas version with Ted Neeley), the Penthouse Pet and pornstress extraordinaire blows a bunch of dudes after a piano recital. Post-popshots, can we hear “My aim is true?” While I prefer the “Chasing Amy” idea of multiple blowjobs,

Clearly she’s more than passed the audition—her cock-handling dexterity is off the charts—so what’s the next time? Maybe it’s not porn at all, maybe she’s going to be a puppet master or an old timey phone operator. But gosh darnit, she’s so good at this blowbang business that it seems

It was not an optional request. One penis was not enough. The cameraman had a penis, so he was required to give it to her. The original male talent was forced to hold the camera and the scene continued. Simply phenomenal. Whether or not “spontaneous” moments like these are scripted,

Who doesn’t love a good poolside blowbang? Normally, Bree Olson finds this sort of behavior beneath her, but now that she’s let her Dark Side out, all kinds of group sex hell is breaking loose. Really, we have trouble telling Bree’s Light Side apart from her Dark Side. Supposedly, the

Elegant Angel and Sam No deliver a pore-cleansing, teeth-whitening, hair-styling treatment that will change the world of cosmetology (and flip the way you view blowbangs) forever. Massive Facials 2 Studio: Elegant Angel Director: Sam No Cast: Lisa Ann, Ashli Orion, Brooke Lee Adams, Katie St. Ives, Kristina Rose, Tory Lane

Director Mike John reconvenes his, uh, seminary as he preaches his gospel of love and natural protein in the second installment of “Praise The Load” for Jules Jordan. And as if having a congregation of devout damsels like Rucca Page, Darryl Hanah, Claire Dames, Cassandra Calogera, Carolyn Reese, Allie Foster,

Self-proclaimed “Popwhore” Tatum Reed is a woman who’s true to her words. On more than a few occasions, she’s publicly announced her love of sucking big cocks–she even says so in her bio on her official website! Lest you think that’s just a PR stunt, however, she’s putting her money

In their very thorough description of proper bukkake etiquette, the good folks over at The Naughty American forgot one very important detail: always make sure you have a comfortable place for the jizz recipient to sit–or even better, to lie down on. Performing a blowbang is hard work, and a