‘Kay, we’re not sure how much luck a single penny can bring you. But a gaggle of babes? That shit’s quantified.

Jodie Marsh is an undeniable bombshell, and we’ve been familiar with her work for quite some time, but we’ve never felt closer to her than we do now. “I’ve been celibate for the best part of two years now,” she tells Zoo, adding with no shame, “and my dildo is totally worn out.” Girl, tell us all about it.

If there’s one thing we like, it’s a saucy MILF. If there’s one thing we like even better, it’s two of them! This isn’t the first time we’ve seen these mega-MILFs together — but it looks like they’ve perfected their relationship by way of sexy makeouts, tasty fingerbangs, and lapping upon giant, MILFy tits. It’s a beautiful affair.

It feels like only yesterday we were hearing about this newcomer Beth Humphreys and ogling her huge tits alongside other fresh faces. Now look at her! She’s introducing new name into the lad’s mag circuit–better yet, she’s licking the new talent to see how they taste.

We may not all be shareholders of Tumblr (drat!), but these babes have us feelin’ pretty rich.

Sex in the back of a car? Check. Steamed up windows? Check (way to complete your “Titanic” fantasies, too). Interrupted by friends? You betcha. Only one person orgasms? Yes! You did it! You’re officially ready to be an adult now; stress about auto insurance will prevent you from ever again fucking in the backseat.

We normally turn to them as bastions of goodness and truth, gentle beacons lighting our path through the murky woods of life. But sometimes we turn to them for their MILFy tits and questionable taste in fuck-dudes, and hey, that’s cool too. Because a doggystyle MILF-bang is illuminating in its own right.

We’re sure we’ve got plenty to help pick you up here.

It’s a combination of which we’ll never tire. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, like Abbott and Costello, like dicks and cumsluts. Timeless, really. And all it takes to bring about the magic is a deft handie, kind of like the one this lusciously be-breasted lady is bestowing upon her lucky man. All these elements are so complementary, a jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces fall right into place. Then get covered in cum. You know the kind!

Oh no! Someone’s using the shower at the beach and Jennifer Nicole Lee can’t get her spray on! Not a problem. Jennifer has a backup plan: a gallon of water in a jug. It’s only gonna take a few quick splashes to get this show back on the road.

So… hop to it!

Or at least they go a long way in helping! See, people who want to cause trouble and mess with other people’s good vibes should just take a step back, and think of this. Arabelle Raphael’s glorious double-F tatas bounding up and down — how could anyone want to do anything other than spread rainbows and unicorns and sparkles across this world of such beauty?

Well this sure is refreshing. Instead of being interviewed about holidays and sports and that nonsense, Zoo lets Melissa and Daisy duke it out with a series of their raunchiest sex stories! Sex in a tent, while driving, in a field, and even in a sand bunker on a golf course: these girls are dirty and willing to dish them deets.

Right now, a lot of people are saying things like “Damn, Katharina Damm!” and that’s fine, but we’re not going to do that. No, instead, we’re going to say, “Hey, Katharina, your breasts are shaped like beautiful little zeppelins. Thanks for putting them out there! Also, are you still dating Jared Leto?”

There’s much to feast upon here… Diets be damned!

We were a little worried that last week’s topless blowjob from Dr. Carrie Roman (Betty Gilpin) was going to be a one-off kind of thing–a little raunchiness to inject fresh life into the show. Clearly, more injections are needed, because Carrie is back at it, controlling men with her amazing boobs and demanding flash cards.

There are many glorious incarnations of the camel toe, but none greater that we can think of off the tops of our heads than the gold lamé camel toe. Courtney Stodden is really just living up the Spice Girls brand of feminism isn’t she? Empowerment=wearing outlandish, sexually revealing outfits in public and always looking real cheery about it.

…But you might as well get it good and messy first.

Laura Miller is an Argentine pop star who’s been making music since the late ’80s, and by now she’s well aware that accidents can show up at any second and in front of any audience. Case in point, her tanktop couldn’t support her big breasts while simultaneously enduring the sweet motions of her microphone arm, and lo, a titty popped forth!