We’re down! If by “tap” you mean “touch,” and “dance” you mean “ourselves”.

Remember this gal? It’s the babe we saw hanging out topless in the fridge at that Whores N’ Gold party! Her name is Xochitl (it means flower, but we immediately thought of that brand of tortilla chips) and Igor says she’s “beautiful and sort of nuts and really awesome.”

[See more at Sweet Amylee!]

‘Kay, we’re not sure how much luck a single penny can bring you. But a gaggle of babes? That shit’s quantified.

Jodie Marsh is an undeniable bombshell, and we’ve been familiar with her work for quite some time, but we’ve never felt closer to her than we do now. “I’ve been celibate for the best part of two years now,” she tells Zoo, adding with no shame, “and my dildo is totally worn out.” Girl, tell us all about it.

It feels like only yesterday we were hearing about this newcomer Beth Humphreys and ogling her huge tits alongside other fresh faces. Now look at her! She’s introducing new name into the lad’s mag circuit–better yet, she’s licking the new talent to see how they taste.

We may not all be shareholders of Tumblr (drat!), but these babes have us feelin’ pretty rich.

We’re having some intense deja vu with these pictures of a braless Maria Fowler (we call it deja boob), but we definitely haven’t ever posted them before. Could it be that all seethrough pictures have the same look? Did we dream of Maria’s illuminated tits last night and are feeling the collapse of prophecy and reality into this dimension?

What’s the difference between a lad’s mag model and a topless fashion model? Nothing! If you were looking for a punchline, there isn’t one; there’s nothing but gorgeous lad’s mag regulars strutting their stuff with a different style for i-D magazine. It’s a refreshing way to ogle Rosie Jones, Lacey Banghard, Sabine Jemeljanova, and others!

So Karlie Kloss is just wearing normal relaxed outfit like the rest of us mortals until she strips her mom jeans off to reveal the lingerie-clad vixen beneath and then dons a pretty pretty sundress, becoming a feminine ladyface again. Because gender is just a performance, or so we overheard at a party last night.

We’re sure we’ve got plenty to help pick you up here.

So… hop to it!

Think about how far swimsuits have come over the years. They used to be full-body numbers you had to don in bathing machines before being pushed into the ocean, and now we have string bikinis so skimpy you’d swear they were made from guitar strings. What does the future hold? Look at Monika Jagaciak for the answer: tits out, suspenders up, sexual tension everywhere.

Well this sure is refreshing. Instead of being interviewed about holidays and sports and that nonsense, Zoo lets Melissa and Daisy duke it out with a series of their raunchiest sex stories! Sex in a tent, while driving, in a field, and even in a sand bunker on a golf course: these girls are dirty and willing to dish them deets.

It’s strange how sensitive we’ve become to things like this. Lad’s mag girls never show their bottom halves naked, so the minute we get so much as a hint of bare crotch, we’re all over it. Case in point, this outtake of Seren Gibson puts us on the road to perdition pussy, and we’re staring at it so damn hard.

There’s much to feast upon here… Diets be damned!

Seren is going to be on the cover of Front’s next issue, The Music Issue, and to celebrate, she’s decided to slip her fingers into the great loom of existence and disturb the warp and woof of our universe until it shakes and quakes like our loins do whenever we see Seren. It’s an appropriate tribute to music, we suppose.