No, this isn’t a clip from a new iteration of the series. We just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and looking at the season that started it all. It’s funny to think how far this show has come–six series in total, each portraying a different place, time, and gang, and the only thing constant is the constant sex! Even then, we notice some difference in the screwing.
So there’s this world, right? It’s like ours, but it’s ruled by a big computer who divides everyone into the haves and the have-nots. Also, there’s a magazine that’s hired some photographer named Gerard to find the most stunning nude pictures for their special issue (and this is a life-or-death matter). Anyway, we lost track of what we’re talking about. Gerard can relate. Here he is getting distracted by random beach sex.
Whenever someone wants us to try CrossFit, they say, “Come on, join the herd!” We always picture them running naked and dirty through the woods and water, screaming at the sky, and then fucking like nasty animals–all of which sounds awesome, but that’s not CrossFit. Whatever, we’re starting our own exercise herd and it’s called CrossFuck.
How could we not side with the housos? They’re packed into government housing, trying to scrape by any way they can, finding love in hopeless places, and then the authorities show up with big ol’ machine guns! And for what? To stop their threesome? Oh, wait, the housos might be smuggling some drugs. We guess that changes things.
Do you have seven minutes to spare? Why not watch this short film? It’s a finalist in Australia’s Tropfest short festival, and it stars Emma Booth as a soap actor struggling to prepare for a big scene. Wait, you don’t have seven minutes? Fine, then how about watching the first minute when you can see her boobs and panties, and then a few additional minutes of serious stiff-nipple action?
Unless this Australian mob boss used to be a Chippendale’s dancer, we don’t think he should be barking orders at the lovely woman working the pole on stage. Even if he owns the club (as crime lords sometimes do), he’s got no business telling that nice young woman how and when you flash her tush to the crowd. She must strip by following her heart!
All we’re saying is that there’s no way you can film a sex scene with Kelly McGillis without “Take My Breath Away” getting stuck in your head. It doesn’t matter that she’s fourteen years older here than she was when she filmed “Top Gun,” she’s turned into a mega-MILF and she’s once again playing a teacher in this role; really, all that’s changed is that Tom Cruise has been replaced by Susie Porter. We doubt there will be any objections to the substitution.
Question: what do you do when you and your best friend enter your home and discover your parents and all of their friends laughing and jumping around with very, very little clothing on? Answer: be grateful that they’re not on ecstasy because then you’d be stuck there talking to them.
Embarrassingly, we know almost nothing about Australia during World War II, so we have to be educated by “15 Amore.” Sources tell us that during that time, young naked Jewish German women were chasing equally naked Italian prisoners of war around trees. Fascinating stuff!
The people behind Naked Me recently hopped on a scooter bare-ass naked (save for helmets) and rode it across Sydney Harbour Bridge in full view of dozens of cars and cops and God knows how many surveillance cameras. Why? Because they’re down with “body rights and sharing [their] naked selves.” That’s a good enough reason for us. We’re sure the wind felt great, too.
In the clip above, we see the sexy Kelly Paterniti (looking a bit like Belladonna with that haircut and the glasses), who plays a chronically unemployed woman who earns a bit of cash by stripping on her webcam. As she strips for a masked man, she starts getting creeped out by him, she stops, and then one of his henchmen jumps out and abducts her. We didn’t include any of that abduction nonsense in this clip, but still, it upsets us so.
And this is especially good cunnilingus: Marta Dusseldorp gets into some breathing moaning, she puts her man’s hands on her breasts, and even though she interrupts the action to discuss some crime business, she tells him to finish and even brings up his mother in the process. Ms. Dusseldorp, you’re a champion.
You didn’t order this? Oh, well, you don’t think you did, but as soon as you see Elke Neidhardt dance out of her clothing and seduce a roomful of boys while some funky acid synth plays in the background, you’ll realize that this is exactly what your day was missing. Sometimes old school softcore porn hits a spot that nothing else can.
We’ve been interested in bikies ever since we first learned that bikie was a term, thanks to the naked people over at “Underbelly” (more specifically, the people involved in “Bikie Wars: Brothers at Arms”), so we thought it’d be fun to take a look at a lovely bunch of nudity from one of the spiritual predecessors to “Bikie Wars,” this 1974 Australian film called “Stone.”
The newest iteration of the “Underbelly” franchise premiered yesterday, and it’s called “Underbelly: Badness.” If that doesn’t sound scary, it’s because you haven’t heard of the ruthless and powerful criminal named Anthony “Badness” Perish. He’s deadly! He’s dangerous! And fortunately for us, he hangs out with women who soap each other’s boobs and asses up for the camera!
We’ve never seen “Home and Away,” the super popular and extremely long-running Australian soap opera set in New South Wales, but perhaps we ought to start. Samara Weaving plays a woman named Indigo Walker (great name, right?) and she recently had quite the extended nip slip on set. Maybe this means accidental exposure will be woven into the show!
This Australian fashion model/socialite/businessperson/television personality recently got her very own reality show, so while she’s comfortable hanging in the public spotlight, she could use a little leg-up on how to deal with cameras being in her face 24/7. What better way to adjust than to jam a camera up against her bare breasts? Well played, Lara.
Poor Ben. He went back to his high school to participate in a panel about growing up and getting a serious job, but none of the kids cared about his boring brand manager life. So now he’s re-evaluating his place in the universe and trying to make something of himself. Actually, as far as we can tell, he’s trying to sleep with a woman who’s made something of herself. That’s just as good, right?
We don’t know much about Australian biker culture, but we’re trying to learn bits and pieces. For example, if you’re going to throw a huge party for all your bikie chums, you should make sure to have ample booze, many babes, and a strict No Shirt policy in place. Also, a bong and a trampoline seem to be useful, too!
The people who brought you the various iterations of “Underbelly” are back with another series about the seedy yet seductive lives of criminals: “Bikie Wars: Brothers at Arms.” The term “bikie” might not inspire much awe, but wait till you see how these people party! It’s all about boobs, beer, mud, and endless whooping.