Tommy Pistol and Mike Quasar return with a second “How To Make A Cheap Porno,” their sad, cheesy, I’m-Going-To-Hell celebration of things funny because they’re true.
Tawny Tyler has been listlessly cleaning that caulking gun—and who cleans a caulking gun?—for ten minutes—wearing a goddamn hard hat, no less—before boss Anthony Rosano chastises her.
Even though she changed her name to Sara Sloane for a year or so, Sarah Vandella never went away.
“Big Tit Orgy” is the type of movie you watch if your ability to suspend disbelief is as shot out as the screen of that TV set on your front porch, and your expectations of catching porn performers exchanging legitimate feelings are as low as the helicopters buzzing your home.
Some may believe that humor and sex are mutually exclusive — but we think the two go hand in hand (or wherever the case may be) quite nicely. Parody porn may get us in a special way because at its outset, we’re taken into a world of lighthearted frivolity and jokes. But then it all gets subverted as perversity seeps in. Sometimes dipping your toes in the water first makes for a more sensual experience than diving right in!
Have you ever found yourself rushing late for a date and realizing you need to drop into Walgreens (insert your local mega-pharmacy store here) to procure an enema bottle? You walk in and you’re like, “OK, what do enemas go with? Do they go with other sort of embarrassing things like wart freezing kits and hemorrhoid cream and belly button lint removers and panty-liners and nose hair tweezers? Or would they be with other sexy items like the fifteen packs of Magnums and industrial strength KY Jelly bottles?”
Have you considered putting some pubes in your life? We know it’s a personal question, and everybody has had to do that thing where you stop giving oral to try and sexily remove a hair from your throat, but bushes can be beautiful! And whether your lover keeps it well-manicured or wild, it’s a lot of fun to dig in a lush garden.
Given that porn is a celebration of excess, it’s nice to see a film set its sights on the happy medium. Eddie Powell doesn’t want to go overboard with that dirty stuff, he just wants a thin layer of filthiness, like a piece of salty, fatty, carnally-charged prosciutto wrapped around the melon of innocence.
Lee Roy Myers is a director, a visionary, an entrepreneur, and now a demon that haunts your memories of beloved Nickelodeon cartoons. He cast Anthony Rosano as SpongeKnob, made Skin Diamond into Sandy, let the squirrel slobber all over those SquareNuts, and then put it on Woodrocket for free! He’s easily the friendliest and most generous demon we’ve ever met.
A year ago, New Sensations announced that it would be taking its smut in a new direction, and the original “Innocence of Youth” introduced us to the sleek, sensual style that Eddie Powell continued rocking all 2012 long. It’s a new year, does that mean New Sensations will pull out a new look? Heck naw; why would they mess with such predatory perfection?
The girls in my high school who were fucking 30-year-old guys didn’t make it to the prom, either, much less graduate.
This year’s Dirty Dozen reflects wise and difficult choices in the Pornographic Arts.
“I don’t do relationships,” says 24-year-old Aria Austin following her first (filmed) gangbang. “Which is probably best right now.”
For many, female ejaculation feels like the great white whale of female sexuality: rumored to be out there, but near impossible to actually experience firsthand. But according to Tristan Taormino, things needn’t be so fraught. After all, “Every woman has a gspot, so every woman has the potential to ejaculate.”
Instead of thinking about who is the target demographic for a porn parody of Japanimation source material aimed at pre-teens, let’s rather expand our gaze to those who want to fuck Asa Akira and Lexi Belle. See? Now we don’t feel creepy at all.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been watching a three-day marathon of electroshock bondage porn and you see Hitachi Magic Wand lightning rods whenever you close your eyes, you always have room for naughty cheerleaders. They’re the Jello of porn tropes: easy to make, fun to eat, and they jiggle in your mouth.
We don’t think of Francesca Le, Vicki Chase, or Bridgette B. as bitches, and they could’ve grown up in Beverly Hills for all we know, but we suppose the beauty of porn is that it allows you to reinvent yourself–and your anus–for any title that you want. We guess Evil Angel could’ve used “Latina Ladies” in place of “Barrio Bitches,” but we can’t think of a single word for ass that starts with L.
You’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen stills, and hopefully by now you’ve seen the actual film, so do you really need to see behind-the-scenes footage from “Godfather: A DreamZone Parody”? Yes, you do, because you know how porn sets are: hilarious, vibrant, sinister, and closed off to the public. But we have a man on the inside, we have Jeff Koga.
Lee Roy Myers’s latest parody is almost in stores, and while the SFW trailer has assured us that the mood of the movie matches the original, we have yet to see how hot and heavy the hardcore stuff is. That all changes now. We’ve got pictures, and we’re going to see just how steamy this piece of Puzo really is.
Though it’s not that unusual for us to be excited by a porn trailer (it’s part of why we, you know, run a porn blog), it’s pretty rare that we see something that blows us away quite like this trailer for Sam Hain’s “The Valley” just did.