We really appreciate the perfectionism and drive of that Ash Hollywood. Like a ballerina practicing her pliés, she sits with Andy San Dimas in front of a mirror to make sure her form and positioning are all ideal. How could she know unless she sees it in the flesh? We think she’s doing a great job, though, as far as we can tell. We may not be professionals (wait, actually, we are!) but that handiwork, her moves, that embrace, her speed — and, okay, that adorable face, too — make this a pretty sight indeed.

If you’re like me (23 and ironically into TVLand), then you can’t encounter a title like “Blowjob Bonanza” without thinking about those hard-workin’, hard-fightin’ Cartwright boys on the Ponderosa Ranch. Getting blowjobs.

The thing that is funny to us about kinky movies and novels these days is they all seem to exist in a world in which people are shocked by blindfolds and threesomes and feather ticklers. No matter, it’s all stuff we love, so the characters can be shocked and we’ll just be turned on!

We think it’s funny that you can insert the words “Fifty,” “Shades,” and/or “Grey” anywhere you want to communicate fetishy sex to people. Somewhere, a manufacturer of Venetian blinds is rolling in dough because they started marketing their wares as “Fifty Pieces of Plastic That Throw Shades and Make Your Room All Grey.”

This loooong clip is heavy on the interviews but also features some clips from the scenes. Call us romantic, call us intellectuals, call us nerds: but we love watching people fuck waaay more when we’ve just heard their interviews. It’s like your inside their brains! Which is kinda like being inside their cunts. Think about it!

This year’s Dirty Dozen reflects wise and difficult choices in the Pornographic Arts.

Yes! Yes people! This is just how it is in real life! (We um, have some lesbian friends. We check our facts here at Fleshbot. We dot our t’s and cross our i’d and… wait, is that… oh hey, is that girls making out over there?) All the soft butch in the red flannel has to do is smarmily* introduce the idea of Truth or Dare and then everyone’s inner lesbian is revealed!

While a wild-eyed and committed Kimberly Kane holds the pornographically well-made but otherwise narratively flawed “Expendables XXX” together, this 3-D parody really does add a dimension missing from the original.

In this “Anything Goes” world where yesterday’s perversion is today’s wholesome, you’ve got to hand it to Jake Malone’s “Bitchcraft” series, in which Chanel Preston gets to say things like, “Wipe your ass with her face.”

Everyone’s happy about the new secretary in the office, Asa Akira, but everyone’s secretly wary of her as well. Mark Wood runs a big import/export business, and he only trusts his right hand man, Rocco Reed, but Rocco is cooking up plans with the old secretary (who happens to be his secret girlfriend)! The intrusion of a new player may ruin everything Rocco and his woman have worked for, or she may be the right girl to get the job done. All that is certain is that genitals will smash together.

What we like about Asa Akira is that she would push her own mother down a flight of stairs in order to get a big cock all to herself. We kid, of course; Asa is a lovely young woman who cares for her family and there is no way that London Keys is going to let her gobble up all of Mr. Pete’s dick without sharing.

L-I-C-K-I-N-G… pussy? Man, if that were really how the song goes our lives would all be vastly improved. Especially if it were always referring to Andy San Dimas and Casey Cumz. We don’t need love, marriage, or babies in a baby carriage. Just primo babes gettin’ all up on each other. Yeah.

In porn, as in life, Stoya has all of the answers, and she gives them long before we’re ready to ask questions. We’re wondering why the title of this movie is “unSEXpected,” and a month ago she answered, “because people have sex in it and some of the characters are surprised about it.” What’s with the SEX part? “Non-standard capitalization draws the eye, hammering the adult-oriented nature of the product home.” Oh, Stoya, you’re so good to us.

The lesson Jessie Andrews, Andy San Dimas, and Paul Thomas teach us in “Shared Wives” is that you can swing, but you’re probably not going to be happy you did.

We didn’t think it was possible, but after watching Vice’s interview with Andy San Dimas, we might love that lady even harder. For real: we could listen to her talk forever. If you’ve ever wondered how Andy first got interested in porn, how she feels about her peers and fans, or how she got revenge against some doppelganger during a throatfucking scene, then you absolutely have to watch this.

There are a lot of steps you can take to improve your chances of having a successful orgy, but when you get down to what really matters, it’s all about how experienced the participants are. That’s why these “Orgy Masters” can decide to form a pile of bodies without warning: they know what goes where and when, and nobody has to remind them to lube up or scoot over or form a daisy chain.

When you have that special something, that air of nastiness, that real dirty “Hardcore Allure,” it doesn’t matter if you have a fat dick in the back of your throat or a big chunk of broccoli stuck in your teeth. It’s deeper than that. It’s balls-deeper than that.