No, this isn’t your run of the mill sleight-of-hand with cards, quarters, or bunnies in hats. These ladies don’t even need a magic wand to make our head spin. Although we guess a magic dildo sort of counts. But we suppose any dildo would become a little enchanted if placed between Nikki and Veruca. When their powers combine, they could probably part the sea of traffic in LA, flatten the Hollywood Hills, or expunge the city of real housewives. They could do this, sure. But turning their faculties to lascivious lesbian sex likely makes the greatest good. At least we think so.

True story: we were once at a wedding where a relative of the groom owned a car service company. Upon reception’s end, why, what kaleidoscopically-lighted, karaoke-capable limousine pulled up to pick us up than something auspiciously called “The Fun Mobile”. And, yes, it was a rollicking, lung-bursting, euphoric good time. But… if the Fun Mobile pulled up again, and Danny Wylde’s rockin’ ride rolled up beside it, we’d have to go with Danny. Look what’s in his backseat! There may not be flashing lights and a bevy of pop song delights, but there is his awesome schlong. Yeah, we’ll drop the mic for this one.

Huh, in Joanna Angel’s strip club VIP room it looks like there are no holds barred. So there Zarrah was, wandering in, perhaps hoping for a glass of some bubbly and some lap dances (no touching!). Little did she expect she’d get Joanna’s hands up her puss, making her do her own sort of bunny hop. Jeeze, that Joanna Angel really knows how to treat her guests right! We have a feeling Zarrah will be a repeat customer…

This lovely set of labia belongs to Eidiya, a brand new Burning Angel who apparently celebrated her first scene with one of the loudest orgasms that Joanna Angel has ever heard (and we are pretty sure that Joanna has heard a lot of loud orgasms over her many years of watching–and making–people come).

Check out Jessie’s front over at Stagg Street

So we’ve hopefully all made it through holiday go-time, emerging with a few more useful (or not) items and a few more pounds upon our frames. Well, Joanna Angel’s got the right idea — as always. There’s no better way to get back in ship-shape form for New Year’s bangin’ then getting stuffed three ways to Sunday in a rigorous group-sexercise experiment.

You may think you’ve heard a good story before, but we’re sure that’s nothing compared to the yarns being spun by Kleio, Draven Star, and Tommy Pistol. But we guess it’s different because they’re telling mad body-tales that involve pussy pounding and boob-touching and dick-banging and all those good things. We guess it’s difficult for a book to compare. Unless it were a pop-up… but still. We’d rather flip through this GIF.

If you’re gonna get fisted, you may as well put yourself in good hands (ha, ha). And who’s got some of the most experienced, best and cutest little hands in the biz but Joanna Angel? We’d let her do basically anything she wanted to us with them. Deliver a zealous spanking? Sure. Slap us across the face? Yeah, why the hell not. But fisting — ah, yes. For Joanna that’s a two-handed endeavor, as she really jams her mitts up in Taurus’s awesome snatch. That just might be the best use of hands as far as we’re concerned. Carry on, Ms. Angel. Carry on.

Boobs are fantastic, undeniably so, even. But when they’re all slicked up from shower-time and being fondled up a storm by some of the hottest babes we know? Then they become simply sublime. In fact, they can be so darn lovely that they make us feel a little dirty, deep down where it counts. We almost feel in need of a shower ourselves… If only we had a couple babe-buddies to join us.

It’s a true champion who can be stuffed chock full o’ dicks and take them all with a smile. We salute you, Joanna. We can see what there is to grin about when one of said dicks belongs to James Deen, but when one is attached to Frankenstein’s monster? Well, that could venture into spooky territory. Luckily Ms. Angel’s not easily frightened, and her gallant snatch can take down most any beast. Looks like you can give up the search for some cobbled wife, Mr. Monster. The best babe you could find is right at your finger dicktip.

Ooh, Sparky’s got the right moves. She and her sizeable friend are engaged in quite the tango, but we’re certain she’s taken the lead. But, hell, we’d be more than happy to let this lady be the boss of us. In a waltz, a salsa, a merengue, we’d let her swing us round and round, up and down — and she could even stuff us in her snatch if she wanted. Hey, we wouldn’t complain… It’s a regular rhumba down there.

Misti Dawn and Bella Vendetta. Find more of these gals and their babe friends over at Stagg Street.

Asphyxia Noir’s face is an adept multitasker, that’s for sure. And every part of it looks so cool, calculated, and consummately sexy. Now that’s some mad skillz! We’re sure someone could throw down a stack of tax deduction receipts for her to tabulate — her right hand could take care of that with ease. And she could also probably paint a miniature portrait with her left, while her feet were engaged in a friendly game of cat’s cradle with a neighbor. Meanwhile, we’re sure she would never break eye contact, never quit flicking that little tongue, and never stop making us feel bonafide horny to the core.

This is sort of like how, on those dark nights in the countryside, you would sneak out back, lie a blanket upon the grass, and stare into the night sky just thinking about the universe. It’s like that, except instead of taking in wandering constellations and nighttime zephyrs, it’s Indigo Augustine’s ass getting pumped full of turgid cock. That’s just about as moving a sight, though. Plus we’ve never masturbated to the night sky (…yet) and we all know masturbating’s the best, so perhaps we’ll save our pondering queries for the next clear night and stick with Indigo a bit.

Calamity, Via Stagg Street

When Jessie Lee needs someone to fuck, who’s there to step up to the plate but good old James Deen. And he does so with such aplomb, such grace, such… animalistic sensuality. No wonder Jessie’s tempted to eat him all up! We’d nip that sexy lower lip, but then we might not let go. Which could be problematic. But that’s why Jessie’s a patent professional. Plus she’s got those gorgeous titties that look so fantastic when hitching a ride with Mr. Deen. Yeah, she’s doing it right. You’re a regular pornographic dream team, you two.

There’s nothing that makes us feel cheerier than a good bout of cunnilingus, so as your puss is getting pleasured why wouldn’t you break into a full-on smile? When we first chose this gem of an oral treat, we didn’t even realize it featured the objectively sexy hunk of man that is Wolf Hudson. So, you know, if it were we who were being licked up and down by the guy, we’d surely be grinning from ear to ear. Although Wolf’s not in too bad a shape himself — Draven Star is a catch and a half. So, may all of our collective body be smiling from end to end at beholding this beautiful clash of the (cunnilingus-loving) titans.

Jessie Lee & Jasper Trash, Photo via Stagg Street

This is especially true when it comes to babes of Shay Ryan’s caliber. She’s pale as alabaster, like a naked porcelain doll. She should never be allowed to wear any kind of panties ever — the chance for any tanlines to show is too frightening.

Justine Joli & Marlo Marquise, Photo by Ellen Stagg