We are seriously feeling the need to pour almond milk all over a bowl of sugary symbols and call it all part of a balanced breakfast, but we’re sure our wires are crossed with our fantasy of pouring almond milk all over Adriana Lima, and it makes us feel violated by capitalism when we were just planning on being violated by Adriana Lima…

It happens to all of us, and it’s certainly understandable when you’re backstage at an event that requires you to slip in and out of lingerie for hours. Nipples go flying, it’s a way of life.

We’d like to post a ban on the use of the headline “Naked Ambition” for pictures of nude girls. We’re trying with the creative headlines here, fellow journalists of nudity. You should be too. You’re lowering the bar and pretty soon there will be no need for puns or clever plays on words in the discussion of sex in the media. So step up your game already!

We’re happy that V Magazine has a sports issue–it’s sort of the ironic cousin of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue–but we have no idea what sport Adriana Lima are Doutzen Kroes are portraying her. It’s one part rugby, one part Murder Ball, three parts the “Bad Romance” music video, and a bunch of makeup and seethrough clothing. It’s cool, but we don’t know what it’s called.

V Magazine circumvents the issue of magazine cover censoring with nearly every issue by placing their favorite letter strategically over any naughty bits. Luckily, though, there also exist uncovered versions of these images, for your viewing pleasure. The latest series of covers runs down our list of women we like

What’s this? Is this the first Adriana Lima post of 2011? Well, good thing it’s an unbearably hot one, then. We wouldn’t want to 2011 to get rolling with anything less. (hollywoodtuna.com)

We know all about come hither stares (especially sly ones)…but come hither cleavage? It seems Adriana Lima has perfected that art form all on her own. (hollywoodtuna.com)

Hmmm…do you think Adriana Lima is aware that her dress has shifted to reveal her entire bra? You do? Well, okay then. We’ll just keep sitting here, politely leering at her cleavage. (Egotastic)

Okay, people: new plan. First, we need to get access to a time machine (one of you readers has one, right?). Next, we need to figure out when/where this picture was taken. Then, we point the time machine there. And then we do it again. And again. And again. And

Anyone know what the V stands for in V Spain? Based on this cover shot of Adriana Lima, we’re guess it’s “Very Sexy”…but, you know, we could be wrong. (fashioncopious.typepad.com)

Call us narcissistic, call us delusional, call us whatever you want: you won’t shake our conviction that Adriana Lima’s nipple has a crush on us, and struggling to break free so we can run off to the Riviera together. How else would you explain all her nip slips? Wardrobe malfunctions?

Oh, Adriana Lima: are you a good witch or a bad witch? Or just a neutral witch who has no objections to stripping down to nothing but her pointy hat and sassy attitude? (That’s our favorite kind of witch.) Whichever witch you are, you’ve certainly put a spell on us;

For every sport out there, there’s a whole slew of wonderful WAGs here to turn up the heat. The MLB’s got Kate Hudson, the NBA’s got Adriana Lima…and we’ve got a reason to care about sports. · WAGs of the 2009 MLB League Championship Series (coedmagazine.com) · Top 10 NBA

Hello again, Adriana Lima! It’s so good to see you looking so happy and perky…or, well, it’s nice to see your nipple looking that way, in any case. (taxidrivermovie.com)

Another day, another list of the world’s sexiest women–this one from E!, who gave top honors to Czech lingerie model Karolina Kurkova. While we were surprised by some of the list’s inclusions (and exclusions–no Keeley Hazell??), we were pleased to note that many of the world’s most beautiful ladies are

No doubt someone at GQ sees the irony in having self-proclaimed virgin Adriana Lima on the cover of their “Love and Sex” issue. Having her on the cover of their upcoming “Love and Sex and Masturbation to Victoria’s Secret Catalogs” issue, however, is going to be a perfect choice. (areaticino.com)

Everyone loves celebrity sex stories; we probably wouldn’t be in business if they didn’t. But one problem with amateur handheld night-vision camera phone pornography is that it’s often difficult to identify the participants. Of course, that also makes it easy to dupe a public eager for juicy gossip into thinking

If you’re one of those people who never really believed Adriana Lima’s claim that she was ignorant in the ways of lovemaking, perhaps you’ll believe it when you hear that her (alleged) former fiancé, Lenny Kravitz, says that he himself hasn’t had sex in three years. And he calls himself

· Brazilian bombshells Adriana Lima and Ana Beatriz Barros together again at last for the first time like you’ve always seen them before. Or something. (latenightpictures.com) · Ladies, buy a solar powered swimsuit and use your hotness to make this nation energy independent. (shakewellbeforeuse.com) · Men, do not buy these

· Let’s check in with virgin supermodel Adriana Lima. Yep, she’s still hot. (dailypoa.blogspot.com + publicnipslips.blogspot.com) · How is it possible to have a bikini catfight where no one loses their bikini? What a rip off! (Seriously, rip it off!) (attuworld.com) · Who knew Jane Austen was such a big