Earlier today, a porn director texted us with a picture of a pretty young lass with short black hair, piercings, tats, and a sweet expression on her face. “Any idea who this is?” he asked us. We indeed had an idea. It was Nikki Hearts! We met her in Las Vegas during AEE, and there’s no way we’re forgetting a babe like this.
Here we were just expecting to be treated to a beautiful handie; we were getting into the rhythm and enjoying the position of dick on hand on vag, when — what do you know? We’re thrown for a loop when that hand suddenly gives way to a vagina that starts jobbing all over this uncut cock. We guess it’s kind of like when an opening act plays before the headliner or something like that. We enjoy it; it gets us in the mood — but there’s nothing like the main event.
As far as office accoutrements go, sure, maybe an amber-encrusted butterfly thing is pretty cool. But we’d sweep that shit off the desk in an instant if proposed with the (better) option of Lexi Belle’s booty. Those papers are hella secure under the heft of her sweet, sweet ass. It’s even better if that ass is anchored by a stud banging away at it. Now, we’re not saying those docs will be fresh and crisp, or even that they won’t get doused in some kind of body juices. But, uh, it’s Lexi Belle. If she wants to sign off some deals with her pussy we think that’s totally accepted in the business world.
What I like about “Evil BBW Gold 2″ is that it is not a self-conscious celebration of ubercurvy women. It takes for granted that BBWs can be porny, too, and suggests that porn needn’t trip over itself to say that heavier performers are also attractive.
When you hear the phrase “Precious Muir,” what do you think of? Muir Woods, the crown jewel of Marin County, right? Exactly, so do we. We’re all wrong though; there’s a gorgeous British model currently working for Jenni “JWoww” Farley named Precious Muir, and word on the street is that someone leaked pictures of her in various states of undress.
It’s hard to imagine a world without Last Night’s Party, the nightlife photography blog that’s spawned dozens upon dozens of imitators, but it really hasn’t been around that long. If you’ve ever wondered how Merlin Bronques first pushed himself out into the scary dark world of pulsing beats and throbbing bodies, take a look at the first episode of this documentary.
Showing up on the cover of Loaded with crosses all over the place, in the air, between your boobs, on the papal sash falling from your shoulders, busting out of your cassock, looking up to the heavens for guidance: what are you doing, Lucy Pinder? “It’s been quite a giggle,” she says, “I hope Catholics take it as an homage and do not get offended, after all, it’s just a pair of boobs!” Oh, is it, now?
‘Tis a sweeter sound to us than a Debussy prelude or Ravel melody. Although this isn’t too far removed, is it? Just replace the conductor’s baton twirling through the air with a colorful buttplug and writhing ass. Chromatic chords are replaced by the fevered gasps and adorable moans of a babe in ecstasy. And our reaction? Hell, it’s the same. We’ll stand and applaud amongst cheers of, “Bravo! Bravo!” We’ll even put on our fancy clothes.
We know what you’re thinking: “Didn’t we just see a Digital Playground movie about people trading significant others in order to satisfy some twisted bet last week?” You’re absolutely right, we did. Maybe somebody at Digital Playground is really itching to screw his best friend’s girlfriend. (Maybe everybody on Earth feels that way.)
Keith Lemon gave Kelly and Holly Willoughby a simple challenge: find and slurp upon a delicious fruit cocktail while blindfolded using only your mouth. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. First of all, it’s not easy to search for a straw with your face. Second, it’s hard as hell to find the straw when there’s only a big dildo on the table.
Perhaps it’s the mystique of being amongst the most rarefied of the haircolor rainbow that lends redheads their unique appeal. Whether they be naturally rosy-locked or be it from a box or beautician, everyone loves getting their Jessica Rabbit on. And everyone loves getting it on with her, as it turns out.
I’m so wet it’s dripped down my thighs. As if he’d been a tease, playing my edge, keeping me overwhelmed and eager.
We sometimes forget that Kore (Jenna Lind) is Marcus Crassus’s “loyal body slave” and not, you know, someone that he had to court and date and smooth talk. He never had to meet her parents and discuss Roman politics and sports, he never gets in trouble for forgetting their anniversary, he doesn’t know what her birthstone is. Their relationship is “Here I am, there you are, these are our bodies.” Seems kinda nice, you know?
Look at Audrey Tautou (whom you might remember as Amelie from “Amelie”) with her translucent dress and that expression on her face. It appears that her nipples are every bit as curious as she is, and while Audrey listens to the questions of her interviewer, her nipples shuffle around and try to hear as well. Silly nipples, you don’t have ears!
Apparently these big-boobied babysitters have things other than kiddie funtimes on their minds… It seems they prefer hunting down DILFs and coercing them into getting their cocks out. Hey, that sounds fun! But we doubt this cheeky teen expected a gargantuan monster cock to be lurking beneath the jeans of this dorky dad. Imagine her surprise, she can barely get her mouth around the tip alone!
In the aptly titled “Girls, Girls,” Francois Rotger offers up a bushel of models in various states of undress around (what looks like) a charming French abode. Some people might say that there are too many topless women, that they overwhelm the senses and prevent full appreciation of any one body. We call those people “narcs.”
Lucas and Carrie (Ivana Milicevic) certainly have a complicated relationship. She was all set to hand him over to her mob boss daddy last episode, but then he saved her daughter’s life and she was forced to recognize her feelings for him, thus leading to some stony-faced fucking. Additional bouts of banging continue in this episode, but where are they going? What happens when the sex stops?