Whether you’re blowin’ em, sitting in a tub with ‘em, or watching them float up a glass of champagne, may you, too, be bursting with joy.

Hark! What’s that we hear slap-slap-slappin’ down the hall? Is it a step team? A bad kid getting the switch? A raucous game of pat-a-cake? Oh, no — it’s far better than any of these (although step teams are pretty bad-ass). It’s a hard riding cowgirl with a penchant for peen and an amiable smile on her face. What a winning combination!

It looks like no one can get enough of Ms. Stoya — not even the lady herself! But that’s totally understandable. If we were her, we’d probably be licking on ourselves all day long, we’re so darn tasty. We’re okay with this situation, so long as she is generous with her goods (and it looks like she is, at least with Kayden Kross!). Oh, and also she mustn’t go overboard and lick herself away into nothingness. We just wouldn’t be able to take that! But it looks like there’s no need to worry. Stoya’s got things under control. She’s a master of the universe; don’t forget.

Adanna Royal, Via Sexy and Funny

With a title like “Ashley Loves Julie,” you’d expect a credits montage featuring a quasi-lesbian romp a la “Laverne & Shirley” rather than a stark cold open of one woman mercilessly slapping another’s “fat tits” around. But I don’t watch much television anymore.

These photos come to you by the photographer Maxwell Lander and her wonderful lover-due photo company MAX + GNA. We started out wanting to do an “Executive Portrait” of me (as the godfather of queer porn, I think? The smoke looks ominous!), but things got a little freaky… I particularly love the one where you can see my cock (a silicone packer by good vibes wholesale) and I also really love the picture of me naked with the dog. Becasue I am obviously a puppy. But I’ll let you decide which one you like the best…

We’ve had the pleasure of seeing some great photos and videos with Eniko Mihalik this summer–two things already this month–and at this point we’re asking ourselves, “What can Eniko possibly do next?” Clearly, she’s decided to go bio-cyber-punk and destroy us all. A classic route.

One minute they’re angrily clutching their hands to their breasts, and the next they’re letting the camera drink in every last inch of their curvy, sexy bodies. How’d that happen?

While your friends are chatting downstairs, we love that you decided to take a quick trip to the bathroom to remove every article from your smoking hot body as you shimmy and shake it for your internet friends. Hey, that’s us! We feel so special. If only all our friends were as kind as you are. No offense, pals, but how many times do we have to reiterate that a naked friend is the best kind?

Oh, cuteness, here we are again: you with your thigh-high socks and brightly colored bedspreads, us with our predatory instincts and a need to spread your thighs apart. What are we doing? Why do we play these games? We know you’re secretly nasty. It’s not much of a secret; this is porn.

We’ve been talking about “About Cherry” for months now…and we’re pleased to announce that we’re able to offer free admission to a screening of the film this Tuesday, 9/18, to 100 lucky readers!

If you could only hear the dirty thoughts running through our mind all day… They might actually sound something like this. In fact, there’s a riff on a saying: it’s nice to be thought of as a perv, but why not speak up and remove all doubt? When someone knows all the filthy things you want to do and have done to you, it just opens doors. And on the other side of that door — a spurting facial? Nipples made hard and pink at the request of a tug? A hot, wet pussy covered in fresh cum?

I stood laughing with a group of impeccably dressed ladies in the bar of our hotel. A designer had commented on a ridiculous request that one of the buyers had made for that night’s Fashion Night Out event, and I was so distracted with our laughter that I never saw him come in. He obviously saw me, because by the time I noticed him he was headed right in my direction.

Drew is on Courtney Trouble’s crush list, she’s one of our Crush Objects, she was named 2011′s Heartthrob of the Year at the Feminist Porn Awards, and every time the camera rests upon her fine ass, she changes the public perception of trans women in porn (while changing the way our underwear fits us).

What? For real? All this sideboob for us? There’s a saintly level of generosity at work and Miley Cyrus’s complete lack of giving a fuck is so insanely hot. And is she flexing her bicep in that picture on the right? She could destroy us at arm wrestling.

This is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book for us. Some crazy POV action puts us directly in the driver’s seat, and we’re super pleased to find ourselves wielding a giant uncut schlong in the presence of über-babely Asian hottie Marika Hase. Our ears are filled with the sound of her startled squeals as she first sucks us down then tries to squeeze our oversized organ inside her. Um… We’ll stay in this chapter for a while, please.

I am making this documentary public and free for the first time ever especially to release here on Fleshbot as part of my takeover week! Until today, this film has only been seen on the DVD for “Fuckstyles” and at film festivals around the world (the biggest ones being Berlin Porn Film Festival and Frameline.)