Naked Kaci Starr stumbles around a college campus, only to be fucked by campus security. We are not saying it’s CSUN-Northridge; we’re just saying that school is every bit as good and way less expensive than USC.

Sometimes we wish that Noot Seear had grown up to be a professional soccer player so whenever she scored a goal, we could blast confetti in the air and yell, “Noooooooooot!” In this reality, she’s a model–and a damn attractive one, too–and if we are to show appreciation for her, it is by sharing pictures of her and not screaming.

These days, people like to support each other by saying stuff like, “Hey, you just keep on doing you.” We think that’s a nice statement, but it’s not always applicable; sometimes you have to emulate others in order to get by. The only person who should hear “you do you” on a daily basis is Pamela Anderson. Pam should always do Pam.

We’re not saying naked people in the city are any better or worse than naked folk in the middle of nowhere; we’re just saying that there’s something special about Naveed Thomas’s website. It’s all about bodies in cities being curvy amongst sharp angles and soft amongst concrete. We like it a lot!

Sometimes fucking is down and dirty,  filthy and depraved. Other times, though, it’s soft and lovely, beautiful and sweet. We like seeing (and experiencing) both, but the latter can be quite elevating for the spirit. That’s nice, too.

We’re stoked that we finally have a name for New Sensations’s sensational new lighting style, but don’t you wish that “Glam-Core” was about Kendall Karson teasing her hair out like Nikki Sixx’s and getting fucked by Mick Blue? You know you do. And what does that say about you?

Emma Blank is a rich old lady who’s been making increasingly difficult and insane demands of her household staff–without paying them–as she waits to die. One day she figures out that her inheritance has been lost due to some bad investments, and mutiny starts brewing. Her daughter doesn’t sweat it though; she simply hits the lake for some quality time with her boobs out.

Look how happy Kate Moss is! What could be filling her heart with such splendor and ecstasy? The sun on her skin? A symphony coming from her stereo? No, it’s really just the yacht. Kate Moss and yachts go together like Hi-C and turkey.

We met for a drink, outside of the building where the sex party was to be held. She was wearing the skirt and tight top I had requested. She looked exquisite, and I couldn’t wait to feel my hands slide up under her skirt, to cup her delicious little ass, to pull her against my cock. Even on the street, I grabbed a preview, kissing her hard, pulling her against me by her ass with my left hand, by her head with my right. “I miss the taste of cigarettes on your breath,” she said.

She pulls her bra off, pushes her man down, and that’s that. Sure, she’s already on his lap by the time this routine starts, but we don’t consider that part of the seduction ceremony; Diana Gomez can find her way onto any lap she pleases, and there’s nothing anyone can do to anticipate or prevent it. (Not that you would want to stop her for any reason.)

Why is it that when we look between Carmen Electra’s legs, we feel the need to squint to see better? If anything, we need to open our eyes as wide as possible and dilate our pupils to suck in the maximum amount of light, and only then will we be able to determine whether or not Carmen is wearing panties.

Oh, you’re not familiar with Creig’s list? It’s a classifieds style site similar to one you may have some experience with, but instead of busted dressers you get sexy redheaded babes and instead of data entry jobs you get deep throated blowjobs. Now this is the kind of rideshare we can get onboard with.

What’s your favorite form of punctuation? You may have noticed we’re partial to semi-colons. So versatile. But our all-time-favorite punctuation is the INTERROBANG. Look it up, it’s real. The Interrobang is the question mark exclationmation point–?!–indicating quixotic excitement. And we really think Hannah Glasby could use an exclamation to add to the question mark on her ass, cuz anything having to do with that booty requires enthusiasm.

Another Sunday, another episode of “True Blood,” and another chance to see Jessica Clark dress her naked body with bright, sticky blood and a merkin. She keeps telling Bill that he’s the chosen one and he needs to drink her–all of her–but she’s also doing the same with a couple others. Will next week bring us to a erotically-charged fourway Lilith chugging contest?