So apparently Katrina Darling is the second cousin twice removed of Kate Middleton, which doesn’t really impress us as much as her sleek little bod and the way she rocks the Betty Paige bangs (not an easy task, as a quick search of many lame imitators will confirm). Aren’t all British people related anyway as a result of royal intermarrying and Empire-creating and blurry pub hook-ups?

You know that joke from “Chasing Amy” where Ben Affleck asks Joey Lauren Adams if lesbians can just look at themselves in the mirror to get turned on? We sort of have to wonder about that when we look at these pictures. If we looked like Dasha we would never stop gazing at our own reflection and furiously masturbating. We would cancel all our porn subscriptions and spend the money on fancy mirrors instead!

The funny thing about this clip is that we’re not certain if it’s supposed to be retro or not. In our minds, glowsticks, candy-colored wigs, and Sailor Moon hair screams 1993 with much the same enthusiasm that these sluts moan as they get banged in the bathroom of this so-called rave. But maybe the kids are actually partying like this these days?! How fast does nostalgia cycle through in this day and age?

You know, a big fuss is made over English royalty as if they’re gods on Earth or something, but in the meantime Old Blighty politics gives us the Prime Minister David Cameron and his totally bangin’ First Bird, or whatever they call her. And when they go to Spain on post-Olympics holiday, Samantha Cameron has no problem letting it all hang out in a bikini. And when she bends over, the world gets a glimpse of her sweet Limey nips!