Today, pleasantly surprise someone you love. If it happens to involve oral, all the better.

They say nothing feels quite as satisfying as accomplishing something great all on your own. Using just a few tools of the trade (say, a superpowered Magic Wand vibrator and sizeable dildo) this lady creates something she should be very proud of indeed. Surprise, surprise: it’s an incredible orgasm! That she has kindly shared with the world.

We’ve had a love of the suburban house party, well, ever since we were old enough to party. Drinks are cheap and free flowing, worries about the cops busting in are usually just the result of youthful stoners’ paranoia. Also, sneaking upstairs one usually finds some comfortably unoccupied bedrooms. That is, if one even makes it up the stairs. But the stairs are a fine destination in and of themselves, because getting pressed into the floor with all sorts of interesting angles at your disposal makes for an interesting makeout (or fuck, if you’re brazen enough). Exhibit A: this here GIF. We rest our case.

Balina, Via Kind Girls

You know, we were thinking how it is that stockings became such a fetishized piece of apparel. True, they’re often employed to complete a full-on lingerie look, but we think there’s more to the story. Maybe that they’re the slightest barrier between flesh on flesh contact, or that they maintain the tiniest bit of propriety when our whole being longs to be depraved.

We’d hope to see barefoot porn lesbians romp in a pillowy joyride of Sapphtastic bliss in “Wet Between Her Legs,” but we like our lesbians coy and vulnerable, not practiced and cold.

We knew the day would come when Katia Ivanova–the former “Big Brother” contestant and 23 year-old ex-girlfriend of guitarist Ronnie Wood–would have her pictures up in ZOO Magazine, but now that the day is here, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We guess we’ll sit here and ogle her blondeness, her boobs, and maybe Ronnie’s age will enter our thoughts as well.

Although it’s been around for a little while, we’ve just gotten caught up with the awesomely honest interviews Vice collected for their “People Who Just Had Sex” series. The most recent couple (well, the most recent straight couple; there are gays but this is the straight Fleshbot) is Meredith and Kevin, polyamorous newlyweds who discuss their feelings about fucking on new pieces of furniture!

What is the ass factor? How can you tell if someone has it? How can you tell if you have it and you’re sitting on it right now? Quick test: pull down your pants and wiggle it out the window. If Manuel Ferrara comes a-runnin’, that means you have it. Congratulations.

Lying head down, naked, my face in the mattress, I can’t see her expression, can’t read her thoughts, but I know she’s more soft than angry by the padding of her feet, light on hardwood. More soft than angry, but more driven than distracted, as her movements are deliberate and focused tonight. She’s been quiet though, through dinner, through the drive, and the not-knowing of her mood makes me nervous. She wouldn’t look anyone but me in the eye, not looking away, not looking down, but barely acknowledging anyone else.

Evelyn’s origin story is actually somewhat sad. She wanted to get back at a boyfriend by taking some racy photos with a professional photographer, and said “professional” convinced her that doing porn was a good way to become a model. Evelyn didn’t realize she had been tricked until after filming her first scene, but at that point, Evelyn shrugged it off because she enjoyed the process. Six years later, she’s still going strong and stealing hearts.

Recent reports show that necklines are rising, chin clefts are weakening, and whale tails are disappearing all over the world, and while we don’t like to go around blaming people for the planet’s ills, we’re pretty sure this is all Amanda Bynes’s fault. She knows there’s a finite amount of cleavage in the world, but she still chooses to roll up at CVS with her boobs like damn.

“If you fondle, he will come.” This scenario is almost like the 1989 fantasy-drama “Field of Dreams”, but instead of building a baseball diamond over cornfields, it’s setting out a lesbian fondle picnic across fallow ground. And instead of the ghost of Shoeless Joe Jackson appearing, it’s some creeper voyeur dude who likes to fap and watch. So, you know, basically the same.

You see, Dylan Forsberg is a professional model turned professional photographer, and his girlfriend is Kasia Struss, another professional model. You could view this photoshoot as strict business between two artists, or you could view it as the secret naughty photoshoot of two lovers! We love multiplicity!