We finished going through the alphabet with our Encyclopedia of Smut, but we’ve been having a lot of fun waxing erotic about various aspects of the porn world, and we don’t feel like stopping just because the stupid English alphabet only has twenty-six characters (if only we were a Russian site). Today, we feel like thinking out loud about babes wearing glasses in porn, but you get to decide what we write about next week!
They form a sprawling four-legged fuck machine that leaves no dry panty in its wake. ‘Tis a majestic creature, a legendary being along the likes of Sasquatch or the Abominable Snowman. But the good thing about this creature is it doesn’t shy away from camera lenses… It revels in them.
What are you locked up for this time, Miss? Get mixed up in some petty theft? Maybe vandalism or disorderly conduct? Or is it a lesser crime, like being too damn sexy? That can be a crime, right? Either way, you’re locked up now and the world is safe again. But… look at your pretty pussy getting stuffed, and the exquisitely erotic expression spreading across your babely face. We’re confused. What are you in for again? Well, whatever you’ve done, that’s all in the past. Now there is only the present: you in bondage, and those pillowy lips we want to dive right into. That makes you a regular good samaritan in our book, lady.
You will forgive us feeling dubious, at first, upon viewing a title like “I Wanna B A Porn Star.” After all, how many times can you see some coached, dead-eyed 19-year-old say “I’m a very sexual person”? But Cindy Starfall? She is going to B a porn star.
If you’re the kind of person who spends a lot of time thumbing through smut on your Android device, then I highly recommend you download Planet Pron. It’s elegant, easy to use, and gives you quick access to a huge variety of porn. Sure, there are a few kinks to work out here and there, but how nitpicky can you get about a free app that connects you to loads of naughty pics and vids?
The Pocket Toyfriend is the best kind of friend because it always goes where you want to go, is adorable, and also gets you off whenever you like. This faithful sidekick is indeed diminutive, but packs a pretty solid punch where it matters. We may have a new BFF. Sorry, Brandon!
It’s a celebratory gesture usually employed after a nice save or sweet slam dunk… But no one deserves a hearty congratulations more than teammates who “score” through a massively soaking, squirting orgasm.
We don’t think of Francesca Le, Vicki Chase, or Bridgette B. as bitches, and they could’ve grown up in Beverly Hills for all we know, but we suppose the beauty of porn is that it allows you to reinvent yourself–and your anus–for any title that you want. We guess Evil Angel could’ve used “Latina Ladies” in place of “Barrio Bitches,” but we can’t think of a single word for ass that starts with L.
What does Luana have planned for today? Oh, she’s going to hang out with photographer Viktor Vauthier for a while, but that’s all she has on her table. Her hours are spent wandering around, swaying her limbs this way and that, occasionally resting her hands on pine needles or her hips. There’s really nothing to it, but we could watch her do this all day.
Amy Markham is an internationally known model who has shoots coming out next month in both FHM and Maxim, and even though she’s sure to put on a good show for those magazines, we doubt she’ll be showing any nipple. Not so with these candid beach pictures: her nipple is out there, loud and proud.
We smoked a little weed, got a little too high at first, but with a bit of music and a bit of stroking and touching I began to come down and enjoy myself. Being able to enjoy the cock that was hardening between my ass cheeks as I did a slow bump and grind move.
Jo Yeo-jeong plays a young woman who escapes poverty by offering herself to the king as a concubine, but once she’s in the palace, she discovers that power, greed, and passion have made the environment dangerous. Worse, she’s caught in a love triangle with the Grand Prince and a lowly but kind member of the court! How will she survive? With lots of sex, of course.
Did Hofit Golan arrange for these Royal Marines to lift her in such a way that her panties were revealed to all? This answer is obviously yes, but why? We can imagine that Hofit gets something out of being handled by the hunks, and we know what we get out of this interaction, but how does the military benefit? Get your tinfoil hat on and figure it out.
Octomom Home Alone finally available in your home
NadyaSuleman’s(akaOctomom)debut porn movie Octomom: Home Alone is fianally available in stores for purchase. Brad Armstrong directs her self-pleasure scenes for the Wicked Pictures release.
Think of all the things you can stuff in there, and no one’s the wiser. You could do pens, pencils, crayons, small works of art. Or you could think bigger (and sexier). Like double anal beads and then giant dildo. We appreciate someone who goes all out.
Angela Figueroa is a Colombian steeplechase runner who didn’t do too well during the Olympics, but the Olympics are over and Angela is ready to move on with her life. She’s not letting some competition squash her love of track and field, certainly not; she’s taking her passion to SoHo Magazine, and she’s also taking off all of her clothes.
An author named Brand falls in love with his terminally ill wife’s nurse, Angela (played by Angela Gregovic), and it doesn’t take a marriage counselor to divine what a truly awful situation that is. But we’re not here to judge; the heart wants what it wants, and nobody can be blamed for wanting to snuggle up with Angela. That lady is so fine.
