There are two kinds of people in this world: people who go to the gym to work out, and people go to the gym to check out. And by check out we mean cruise and be cruised. The gym is way better than a bar to see what people are like when they’re scantily clad, soaked in sweat, and breathing heavy from exertion. We can’t think of any way that would apply to their bone-ability … can you?

Ok. We give up. How do lingerie models keep their skivvies and teddies so damn white and clean? We swear to god, our lingerie is forever getting tattered and frayed from being stuffed into bags and tossed on strange floors, not to mention sweaty and creamy and stained with red wine and oysters and candle wax….

These are wintry economic times. And just as women had to learn to play baseball and other manly jobs during WWII, the ladies of the current recession are learning to play traditional male porn roles. And the men are just passive receptionist of their cum. Women using their bodies as their means of production never looked so good.

Gaga trades in obscure subliminal messages, so we’re trying to figure out what exactly is going on in this ad for her new perfume. Gulliver… gullible? Jonathan Swift… fast? This perfume makes others quickly susceptible to suggestion! Or maybe it smells like seminal ’70′s female punk rockers LiLiPUT?