Hey hey, all you Peeping Toms and Tammys, today we’re going to be talking about one of the cornerstones of pornography: voyeurism. It’s much more than the other half of exhibitionism! It’s a way of pushing desire through your eyeballs and splashing it against a screen; it’s vicarious living and secret thrills! It can be pretty negative at times, but as far as porn is concerned, we think of it as a neutral-to-positive force.
Oh, wait. Actually, you’re on your side. Getting plunged with a big, black cock. A pretty delightful position, in our opinion! Why do missionary and doggystyle get all the love? We’ve each got two sides that are just waiting to be sexually employed.
Babes and beaches go hand in hand. But motorboating babes on beaches? That goes, well… dick in hand? But what a fabulous idea these ladies have. After all, in a little bikini those beautiful breasts are accessible with the tiniest of yank-downs. Why not indulge in the most joyous appreciation of them — an enthusiastic motorboating? Plus there’s no need to wear a lifejacket for this voyage.
With names like “Gift” and “Ploy,” underhung Thai ladyboys might be the next big thing. If not, the title “Teeny Tiny Thai Twigs” at least deserves some recognition.
We know you loved that old leather couch–even though it keeps eating your keys, your change, and any of your friends that crash on it–but we’re sorry to say that’s it’s no longer yours. Arabella claimed it when you weren’t looking, and she looks great upon it, and recent polls show that people are overwhelmingly in favor of her administration, especially in regards to her stripping policies.
How To Get Laid Without Getting Screwed — that’s the premise of The Girl’s Guide To Depravity. As a freshly minted single gal navigating the now foreign 20-something meat market, as much as a “handbook” isn’t really my thing, I decided to keep an open mind to the suggestions held within. And despite any initial misgivings (number one: author Heather Rutman touted as the “female Tucker Max”), I’d always fancied myself a bit depraved. And getting laid? Well, I certainly could use some of that right about now. So, I began the search for bookish tidbits that might actually benefit me in the pursuit of real, live boning.
We don’t know where the nearest habitable planet it, or when we’ll get there, but once someone sets up some sweet beachfront resorts and tiki huts and umbrellas and whatnot, everybody’s going to be there wearing SPF 1,000,000 and this nipple-emphasizing outfit that Marlena Szoka is showing off.
It seems insatiable — dicks and dildos forward and back, but it still wants more! This is a pretty slight girl, but she must have some brobdingnagian blood in her because she’s got the asshole of a giant.
A few years ago, linguists discovered a language spoken in remote parts of Brazil that has no numbers besides “one,” “two,” and “more.” Who would’ve thought that the same language would suddenly surface in Porn Valley? The girls have stopped counting the guys who show up to group sex scenes because they’re satisfied that at least two dicks will be inside them.
Though her porn has given us an inkling of what it might be like to have sex with Joanna Angel, we must admit we’re still curious to know what it would be like to sext our Supreme Commandress. Luckily, she’s willing to dish: at left, one of the many photos you might receive if you sext with the punk rock porn princess.
We spend all day inside with the air conditioning on and the lights turned off, hunched over in front of our computers, looking at boobs, so we sometimes forget that summer is right outside. Fortunately, just as we were getting to the height of hermitude, Ellen Stagg published a little video she made of Lily LaBeau walking naked into an empty pool, licking her patent leather heels, and walking away. That is what summer looks like.
He and I were texting about our plans for our small vacation and the subject came up that he wanted to eat me out while I was having phone sex with another guy. If you recall my deviant readers, I am an aural girl. I like to hear things and I easily get off to sounds and words.
We understand the desire to have some noise going on while you’re having sex, but the leaving the television on has always seemed weird to us. Music: that’s sensible. Movies: they’re long and have a history of providing dark places to screw around in. If you must have noise during sex, we insist you fall back on moaning louder because having news reporters or obnoxious commercials accompany your thrusts can’t be good for your psyche.
Brooke Vincent is an actor best known for playing Sophie Webster on the long-running British series “Coronation Street,” but there are lots of other interesting things about her as well. Did you know that she recently opened up a Domino’s pizza branch in Lancashire? And did you know that her boobs are quite perky, so she has one of the top five most triumphant sideboob displays in the history of the world?
We’re fans of a neatly trimmed bush around these parts, and Francesca Le’s rockin’ quite a nice down-there ‘do. But, knowing her, she can’t keep it neat for too long. Out comes a liberal slathering of oil that turns a tidy bush into a slick, glistening mess.
Actually, that only seems to be the case for non-American reality TV (Joanna Krupa was the exception). But seriously, reality shows from other countries that involve dancing are like gateway drugs for showing up naked in lads’ mags.
Honestly, this season of American TV has been a little less than fulfilling on the nakedness front–we’re not upset about it, it’s simply what happens sometimes. It seems like whenever we worry about the future of television, a foreign TV show suddenly pops up, and it has everything: semi-accurate historical drama, religious figures being naughty, and frocks that can hardly hold the overflowing jugs within. “Inquisitio” is one of those shows.