Wanna know what the best way to combat loneliness is? Bathtime with a babe.

If we were a dick faced with the prospect of getting caressed and fondled, we think the ideal situation would be having two big, beautiful breasts looking on as voyeurs. We’d feel encouraged to blow our top in a blaze of glory, such that even those bold, naked boobies would blush.

A sultry night. A wet pussy. An enthusiastic young fellow. These ingredients combined and thrown into gif soup make for euphoria that never ends! Though we’re feeling a bit hot and sweaty ourselves, we can’t look away. But we think that’s okay… May ultra-sultriness be propagated onward and outward, like the radiating warmth of a breathtaking fingerbang.

Vika (sexyandfunny.com)

There is such a comfortable sameness about each scene in “Teen Japan 9″ that we were inspired to take a tiny wooden rake and drag it through our tiny patch of sand to compose a haiku about it.

Three years ago, Lovehoney debuted the Sqweel, a sex toy that reframed notions of what a marital aid could do. It wasn’t a vibrator, it wasn’t a dildo–it was a wheel of ten rubber tongues, which flicked the clitoris as they spun on their axle. It was a fascinatingly different experience…and now, with the Sqweel 2, Lovehoney aims to improve on the original. Have they?

During the rest of the year, sure, naked jello wrestling is a fun thing to do when you’re hanging out with your friends, you have a kiddy pool, and you feel like seeing some gelatin-covered titties. But when the weather gets hot and “Bikini Spring Break” is in full effect, naked jello wrestling is war; no matter how much lime goop your opponent throws in your eyes, you still see red.

All right, fair enough — basically any finger looks pretty great stuck into an asshole. But a cute little pop of orange on the nails just screams of summer fun, and we all know nothing’s merrier than a summer fling. Especially one involving some ass-play.

There are a lot of steps you can take to improve your chances of having a successful orgy, but when you get down to what really matters, it’s all about how experienced the participants are. That’s why these “Orgy Masters” can decide to form a pile of bodies without warning: they know what goes where and when, and nobody has to remind them to lube up or scoot over or form a daisy chain.

What is wrong with us? Why do we keep forgetting about how huge and amazing Susan Sarandon’s boobs are? It’s not like one day they were tiny and the next they were enormous–we even have photographic and video evidence that her titties have always been terrific. We need to remind ourselves of this fact more often. Maybe we’ll get a tattoo.

I waited for you to discover the jewel hidden between my cheeks- laying across your lap my ass swaying to tease you, my tits gazing your lap as your hands begin their examination of my panties, my ass, and my hidden treasure.

She’s from the future–her name is actually Future–and she was sent by the United Nations to have a bunch of sex, get pregnant, and help repopulate a world in which all the men have become infertile. Oh, and also, she’s arrived in the dorm room of a horny college student. Really, this “33D Invader” doesn’t sound all that invasive or terrifying. The title made us think she was going to be hundreds of feet tall or something.

We haven’t been following the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise divorce story because we try not to stick our noses in other people’s business (you know, unless there’s nudity involved), so all we’re going to say here is, “Hey, isn’t it nice to see Katie Holmes and her small yet oh so shapely and alluring boob? Yes, it sure is.”

Cheerleaders — gotta love ‘em. With their teeny skirts and boundless enthusiasm, they made mandatory pep rallies bearable. Now, imagine cheerleaders who are into hard bondage. That really gives us something to be peppy about…

Another photographer to obsess over? Why, yes, they never stop coming. Today we’ve fallen in lust with Jls Birdy, a French photographer whose online portfolio contains crazy sexy scenes with babes, boobs, blindfolds, guns, and a bunch of naked celebrities as well!

Did you know that the average New Yorker sees at least three times the amount of bare and/or sexy body parts that any other city dweller does? It’s true,* and no one can figure out if it’s a product of the weather, the local attitude, or some subtle rebellion against the fashion-friendly environment. Anyhow, we commend Alexia Landeau for spending only “2 Days in New York” and flashing more than her share of tits and ass.