In which we give thanks for the invention that revolutionized the way memories are shared. And the way naked babes are spread.

There’s nothing more refreshing on a sweltering summer night than a hot, sticky creampie. Although refreshing might be the wrong word. Well, if you can’t beat it, join it — may as well get extra hot and work yourself into a frothed-up, jizz-laden frenzy.

Be warned, if you try to sass her, she will bend you over her knee, pull her tits out of her bra, and spank you until you bite your lip in ecstasy. Lexi doesn’t play. Just look at the way Lexi makes her lady friend pulse with pain and pleasure; that could be your nervous system getting zapped. So, uh, we forgot what we were advising you to do here. Anger Lexi Belle more, we guess.

Vesna

Does possession of a hard hat and yellow safety vest and proximity to a backhoe make one a busty construction chick? No: you also need big boobs.

Have we talked about the geniuses over at Richardson Magazine lately? Those people do wonderful things with fairly simple resources. Look at this: it’s a tribute to beautiful moments in amateur pornography with “Marvin’s Room” by Lil Wayne. It brought tears to our eyes and blood to our loins!

Chanel Preston, Phoenix Marie, and Lea Lexis are all taking a nice, pleasant shower together (completely bound, naturally), kissing, rubbing their legs together (trying to untie each other with their teeth), the usual. That all changes when Bobbi Starr shows up and trains a high-powered hose on their defenseless bodies–then they start squealing and coming and oh damn this video looks hot.

That’s a lover, y’all. And we can think of no finer way to express your love than by hitching on your biggest strapon and ramming it into your boyfriend’s ass. They’ve got some serious face going on here, and we think it’s from feeling the love. And the ass-ramming.

If you’re not into the idea of characterizing ladies as cats, then you can pretend that “Meow!” is an acronym that stands for Munching Everything On Women, or Mouths Eat Orifices Well, or perhaps even Making Everybody Orgasm Whoa! The choice is yours.

Who’s got time for motion sickness when there’s some good fucking to be done out at sea? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the fish are curiously watching the erratic jerking movement of boats atop the water. Gather your sea legs (and sea dicks) because we’re diving in headfirst.

There was a crack in the drapes from me hastily closing them the night before. The morning light was peeking through, lighting up the room in a dim glow. The sheets were crisp and white, and the wet spot from last night had dried up. He rolled over to half play with my breast before drifting back to sleep. I was up and I wanted to play.

What can we say about Ashlynn Leigh that hasn’t already been said about an unripe blackberry? She’s young and nasty and we love her. She possesses all of the cuteness and eagerness of a teen performer, but she has the sexual interests of a MILFy demon. We’re scared of her, we want to hang out with her, and we pray that she stays in the adult industry for a long, long time.

We know that actors are not the same people as the characters they play, but gosh darnit, every time Sharon Stone shows some skin, we immediately feel like we’re watching “Basic Instinct.” Or maybe this is “Basic Instinct 14″ or something, and the leg swishing has become played out, so now it’s all about translucent fabrics covering boobs.

After all, what’s the trouble with doing a little hard time in exchange for some real hard time in an asshole that stretches like a rubber band? It seems like a pretty fair trade to us. Then again, we are hopelessly lost to the seedy underworld of hot anal action.

Here’s why this is funny to us: Tanit Phoenix is the host of “Femme Fatales”–a show that is pretty much dedicated to showing you boobs–and we’ve never ever seen her boobs before. We guess the host doesn’t have to flash any nudity because she’s the host (and her name is Lilith, and she might be the Lilith) but still, we feel oddly complete now that we’ve peeped her lady-pecs.

It might seem like an obvious point to make, given that all the sex from the 18th century helped create the 19th century, and so on, but we’re mostly talking about literature here. Whenever you read about intense and forbidden love that caused two people to leave their old lives behind, you can assume that some crazy-good sex was part of the equation.