Evil Angel juxtaposes milk—that most American and wholesome of fluids—with dairy queef-inducing enemas in “Milk Nymphos 3,” a movie that I respected so much that I didn’t turn it off.

We’ve always been a bit averse to exercise (we know, we know). But when working out comes in the form of an extra vigorous fuck, even we’re inspired to get our asses in gear.

Especially when the group is comprised of babes who get a little messy together in the process. We’d never really though of drops of glopping toothpaste or soapy suds as analogous to sweeping spurts of cum, but that’s why we’re not Richard Kern.

A fit and lovely, basically flawless female form has been sprinkled across the pages of Elle Russia, but it’s so clean and perfect we’re not sure whether to fap to it or remark on its symmetry and geometry. Well, perhaps we can do both — we’ve always taken pride in our ability to multitask.

There’s nothing wrong with a little up close P and V, but when in the throes of passion there are other body parts worthy of a little attention. For example, how about breasts made rosy from being grabbed, and a face that shudders and gasps with every thrust?

Perhaps Ms. Reid descended on Cannes in support of that American Reunion pie movie, but whatever her reasons for being there, she looks pretty glum. Her nipples, though, are basically thrilled and are doing an ecstatic starlet’s wave for us.