Fleshbot | Pure Filth
School nurses taught us so much: the importance of brushing your teeth everyday, how to put a condom on a banana, the fact that a headache is not an acceptable reason to skip
Home Ec. School nurses of the world, we salute you the best way we know how: with babes!!
We think you’ll find it’s nearly an impossible feat. And when it comes down to it, why would you really want to? Especially when her pussy’s so smooth, her nipple pierced, her tits so perfectly squeezable…
Oh sure, you can walk and chew gum, or pat your head while you rub your tummy–and maybe even rub your head while you pat your tummy. But can you make your ass clap while you provide a man with oral pleasure? Because that, friends, is truly what it means to multitask.
If you are concerned about being anally penetrated, says the Surgeon General, don’t get winded.
Even though it’s a relatively simple term, we always get tripped up when we see a lad mag advertise “rude pictures,” as Nuts recently did for their “56 Very Rude Pics” photospread. We get even more confused when we see pictures of naked girls spanking each other or flipping the bird; then we’re looking at something that’s two types of rude and we can’t tell which is which!
We miss the sucking and the screwing, but we get all of the sass and ‘tude of a pornographic Alexis Texas scene as she bangs her sketchy boss and fights her evil, crazed, weaponized virus-stricken former co-workers. And yes, we get to see her legendary butt. It’s ok to admit that you only came here to see her booty.
If dishing decadent mouth-love onto our favorite parts is an ice cream sundae, the dip and twist of a little finger into a tight ass must be the cherry on top. Sounds delicious!
Did you know that masseuses and massage therapists destroy their hands after years of work? It’s sad but true; all that time spent healing injuries, releasing tension, and helping people results in a lot of damage to the delicate muscles, bones, and tendons in the hand. Fortunately, the pornstars you’re about to see don’t massage with their hands so much as with their mouths and genitals, so they should be fine.
Boobies: we all love them, sure; but have you ever wondered how they’d stack up in a rigorous testing environment? Well, it appears that at least one intrepid scientist has. Watch as a delightful pair of breasts are put to the test in a variety of conditions, proving their ability to stand up to heat, cold, opening a beer…and prove to the world that, as we’ve always suspected, boobs are pretty darn awesome.
Does something about today feel a little off to you? Don’t worry, we’ve got it figured out. We showed you a picture of Rihanna’s beautiful front side without providing you a glimpse of the back. Sorry about that! Fortunately, she took a few pictures with Terry Richardson recently, and she was more than happy to display and claw at the space beneath her shorts.
He keeps waking me with his tongue in my pussy. Sometimes I’m already stirring. Or his movement under the sheets to get into position wakes me just a little. But sometimes I don’t know what’s happening until he’s already barely traced the outline of my slit with the tip of his nose, already parted my lips with the tip of his tongue.
We know it’s the middle of May and there’s no reason for us to be thinking about vampires, but frankly, we’ve gone too long without a good (or even an enjoyable bad) piece of bloodsucking cinema. You can’t not be down with vampires: they live forever, they’re super sexual, and they solve problems by biting. We can totally relate to two out of three of those qualities.
It feels so unspeakably good to see her cleavage again. How long has it been? It’s been since January; we were ogling her chest when she was at TCA 2012. And the previous visit was back in May of 2011, when she was showing off her mighty orbs at the “Thor” premiere. Please, Kat, we really want to see you more often.
The eerie music and skewy angles of this stylized hardcore make us feel like we’re about to stumble into the Red Room of Twin Peaks. But instead of strangely dancing little people, you find a begloved temptress waiting to swallow your cock whole. How about that, Coop?!
We can never say no to near-nudity from Rihanna, especially when it comes from the bastion of sin and naughtiness that is her Instagram. Meanwhile, her Twitter account is far less fun, since she recently tweeted a photo of her with an IV in her arm.
What will it take to get you out of bed this morning? An exploding alarm clock? An IV drip of coffee? How about a bath in a cool, green lake with the one and only Sofia Vergara–and she’s not wearing any clothes? The idea alone gets us wide awake.
