When you handle a great deal of heterosexual pornography–as we on the straight side of Fleshbot do–you run into a lot of pictures and videos of women having sexual contact with women. You’re probably thinking “Duh” right about now, but hold your duhs for later, because we want to spend some time thinking about the X-rated X-chromosome world of lesbian porn.

What is Lesbian Porn?

This might seem like a silly question, but stick with us here. There is a definite disconnect between lesbian identity and lesbian sex acts depicted in pornography; that is, we call it “lesbian” porn, but the performers are not always lesbians, and in general, this kind of porn occupies a strange territory in the world of adult entertainment. For example, girl-on-girl sexual activity is generally viewed as “less hardcore” than boy-girl sex of any sort, and it’s common to see women who are new to the porn industry start off by only having sex with women, whether or not they have sex with women in their personal lives.

Of course, even the most seasoned female pornstar operates with some level of assumed bisexuality: in boy-girl-girl threesomes, you almost always see the girls engage each other, but in girl-boy-boy scenes, you never see two guys makeout while doubly penetrating one gal.

We’re not saying we should do away with the term “lesbian porn,” or that only pornography starring homosexual women deserves to be called lesbian porn (authenticity is a weird road to walk down), but it’s important to recognize that the phrase somewhat loaded. We think girl-on-girl is more accurate than lesbian, but perhaps vagina-on-vagina is the best of all. That way we can include genderqueer performers like Jiz Lee under this umbrella; for example, their scene with Papi Coxxx in “Fuckstyles” was certainly all-vagina, but not lesbian.

[Above: Skin Diamond and Asa Akira get down to some serious smooching in "Girls Kissing Girls 9"]

Why Do Guys Like It?

This question comes up all the time: why is so much vagina-on-vagina erotica aimed at men when it depicts body parts they don’t have and situations they’re not invited to? Common responses include, “I don’t know, it’s just hot to watch girls go at it,” “You don’t have to deal with male pornstars getting in the way of the action,” and even, “You can pretend that the girls are really horny and only having sex while they wait for a guy like you to show up.”

If you subscribe to the idea that a large part of enjoying pornography is projecting your feelings and desires onto the performers, then this quote from Linda Williams’s “Hard Core: Power, Pleasure, and the Frenzy of the Visible” should be illuminating:

If a “lesbian” number is constructed so that one woman gives pleasure to the other, then the woman giving the pleasure typically shows, and often also speaks, her knowledge of what pleases the other. Putting aside for the moment the question of how women might identify with and take pleasure in such action, it certainly seems possible that male viewers can identify with the active woman, with her superior knowledge of how the more passive woman feels. But perhaps we should not rule out less active forms of identification–that is, identification with the passive woman who is given pleasure and abandons herself to the control of the other. Spectatorial pleasure in such scenes may very well involve the ability to identify both ways.

[Above: Chayse Evans chokes Sasha Grey (and Sasha loves it) in "Boundaries 6"]

Our Favorite Performers

If you’re looking to watch some vagina-on-vagina porn, allow us to direct you to the following vagina-owners who we think excel at what they do. This list is certainly non-exhaustive, it’s just off the dome, and if any performers out there read this and get upset we didn’t mention you, we apologize.

· Bobbi Starr and Belladonna – These ladies really get excited by other people who have the same equipment as them, and it shows in their work. They’ve both recently made films for Evil Angel that showcase their respective passions for the vagina: Bobbi has the non-stop POV wonder known as “Vicarious,” and Belladonna has “Sexual Explorer,” in which she drives around Los Angeles banging girls she admires.
· Jiz Lee – Just look at the scene above! We love Jiz when they’re dominant, we love them when they’re submissive, we just generally enjoy watching Jiz having their way with whoever. For real though, when there’s a pussy in Jiz’s hands, they light up with pervy energy.
· Dylan Ryan – We’re not saying we like Dylan’s vagina-only scenes more than her straight stuff, not at all. Then again, when we think of Dylan, we start thinking about her going down on Bobbi Starr in “Vicarious,” her dominating Madison Young in “Rough Sex 2,” and her taking Sovereign Syre’s porn virginity in “My Sister Celine.” It’s just where our brains go.
· Nyomi Banxxx – Nyomi is a spectacular performer across the board, no matter who or what she’s doing. Even though it’s been a year since we saw “Kimberly Kane’s Been Blackmaled,” we can still see Nyomi’s domination of Lily LaBeau playing in our heads. It’s epic.

[Above: Jiz Lee getting pounded by April Flores in "Alpha Femmes"]

Our Favorite Companies

You know, it might actually be easier if we simply steer you in the direction of a few fine producers of vagina-centric cinema:

· Sweetheart Video – We often feature their stuff on Fleshbot so we won’t go into too much detail. The short version is this: Nica Noelle knows how to get women together and let them go crazy on each other.
· Triangle Films – This fine purveyor of all-vagina smut is run by two fabulous and adorable women, Kathy and Shoosh. Some of our favorite films come from them, including (but not limited to) “River Rock Women’s Prison” and “Intimate Pursuit.” Award-winning? You bet they are.
· Girlfriends Films – Their “Women Seeking Women” series has been named AVN’s Best All-Girl Series for five years in a now, and “Mother-Daughter Exchange Club 12″ was Best Older Woman/Younger Girl Release of 2011! Not only are they talented producers, but they have big hearts as well: they have a charity program through which they donate $1000 to deserving organizations every month!
· Pink & White Productions – They produce the “Crash Pad” movies, a long-running series about “a clandestine San Francisco apartment where a voyeuristic landlord supplies keys to the pad’s pleasure-seeking occupants so that she can observe their sexual escapades through hidden cameras.” In fact, they just revamped the “Crash Pad” website, so now is the perfect time to check them out.
· Trouble Films – Really, everything Courtney Trouble does is phenomenal. Her work isn’t purely vagina-on-vagina–she shoots cis- and transgendered folk, genderqueers, you name it–but we guarantee that she has what you’re looking for.

[Above: Nyomi Banxxx and Kelly Divine in another edition of Girlfriends Films' award winning series, "Women Seeking Women 72." All videos courtesy of AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network and Adult Video On Demand (theater.aebn.net)]

[At top: photo by John B. Root (galleries.rebootcash.com)]

Getting an exuberant bout of anal action can make one feel many things: champ, king, boss, wizard. And now we add to the list — “god of metal”.

At first we thought the soundtrack to this ass-plowing adventure reminded us of a video game, one where you race a car and beat all the rest to be number one. Number one! Then we let the sounds of Italian metal take us away (the band is called RHAPSODY OF FIRE, by the way), and we wanted to mosh and thrash our way into this fine babe’s butthole like a chief. That must be what this guy was thinking, too. So we salute you both with the sign of the horns, and may you assfuck on.

· Anal hard blond girl fuck – casal12br – movie 18 (xtube.com)

Not a day goes by that we don’t curse the fates for allowing Jenna Haze to retire from performing in hardcore porn. But then we remember her sizable catalogue of performances (and gifs like this!), and suddenly, well…it all just seems a little more bearable.

[Thanks to B for the submission! Have a gif you'd like to see us feature? Email us!]

Skin Diamond

It’s a war out there, what with those great Dove ads saying one thing, obesity watchdogs warning something different, naturally skinny women getting demonized, and me with this great new alfredo sauce recipe. But we don’t consider BMI when we look at someone like Siri; we just see Sexy.

The boxcover copy of “Big Girls Are Sexy” suggests that we not confuse these “women with a little meat on them” with BBWs. If that is true, then the term Middleweight probably doesn’t do these lovely in-betweeners like Siri, Alex Chance, Kenzie Karter, and the burlesquey Athena Pleasures justice.

So rather than “Big Girls,” I suggest “Pneumatic.”

This movie was lovingly shot and not gimmicky. There were no guttural cries of “Do you like my heavy tits?” or “I want bacon!” Instead, these Pneumatics behaved just like you would want someone you picked up at the Saddle Ranch to behave: confident and lusty.

But I found myself expecting these women to not be porny, so when, every so often, I heard one of those Porn-Standard vocally-fried whines, I was sad. “Leave the play-acting for the wraithy girls,” I said.

That is why Siri and Alex Chance were my favorites. There was nothing but frankness and self-confidence about them, and both sounded like real people in the sack.

Siri’s scene was especially lovingly shot, with soft light and soft cushions to roll around on.

If it is true that today’s overweight woman was yesterday’s average-sized woman, that is indeed a shame. But if what I like to imagine about Marilyn Monroe is correct, I bet she’d think these women were sexy, too.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy “Big Girls Are Sexy” (tlavideo.com)

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Who can explain our fascination with Diora Baird’s breasts? Actually, we can–and rather easily, too.

It’s partly that she’s got an amazing, bountiful, beautiful rack; but that’s not the sum total of why seeing her topless drives us wild. No, to fully appreciate that obsession, one has to go back almost two years to this leaked photo from “Night of the Demons”–a leaked photo which appeared to show Ms. Baird totally topless…but turned out to be Ms. Baird rocking prosthetic breasts. Anyway: since that moment of confusion, we’ve always gotten an added thrill when we know the breasts we’re seeing are the genuine Diora article…as we assume they are in these photos from Treats. (Treats wouldn’t use prosthetics, would they?)

· See more at In The Raw (itr2010.org)

You watch this clip and you think it’s too dark to see anything exciting and then BAM: Keira Knightley’s breast emerges from the shadows and hits you right in the eyeballs. We wouldn’t exactly call her boobs “hooters,” but they are rather owl-like, don’t you think?

Yes, these clips are from a while back, but we figured that since we were already honest about having missed a sexy scandal, there’d be no additional embarrassment in admitting that we missed Keira’s boobs, as well as those of Naoko Watanabe and Sei Ashina. (Naoko’s sex scene is our favorite, for the record.)

· “Silk” (imdb.com)

The iridescent glow of night vision takes us back… back to dusky alleyways, drawn blinds, smoke-filled offices of scattered files, nubile young spy-babes ready to throw off their trench coats and fuck with reckless abandon. Because sometimes sleeping with the enemy is better than closing the case.

Or maybe these strange visions just come to us. Either way, we do love seeing a babe fucking with reckless abandon, and the night vision lends a bit of a sordid and salacious film to it all. So we’ll just go with it. We’ll pretend this guy is a rugged detective sent to track her down, but he gets distracted by her gorgeous rack and domineering, animalistic ambitions. We don’t blame you, dude! Cases come and go, but, fucking a sexy spy-babe? That thrill lasts forever.

· Guy fucks gf at night (pornhub.com)

We’re positive that somewhere on the internet is a website dedicated to porn involving performers with dissociative identity disorder, but we assure you, this is not anything like that. The only things competing for space inside these women are dicks, and we’re pretty sure they don’t go near the brain.

Then again, nobody really knows where the penises really go during a good spitroasting. Some facets of pornography will forever remain a mystery, and we think that’s part of why it’s so exciting.

Personally, we’re often excited by a good setting, like the one Abelia gets to fuck in. We know we should be focusing on the pure ecstasy that spreads across David Perry’s face as Abelia’s tight asshole squeezes his huge cock, or how Abelia makes a Natalie Dormer-esque facial expression as she’s being doubly penetrated in one of those pictures, but damn: that is a swanky fucking cabin in which they’re a-boning.

We’re not elitist when it comes to sexual settings; the plush palaces and chalets-for-rent of Porn Valley (and Europorn Valley) don’t necessarily make good scenes. Take Goldy E. Divine’s moment in the limelight for example: she gets propped up in front of a graffitied brick wall, in the middle of a filthy street, and she fucks her heart out. Her men folk plop their asses right down on the concrete and allow her to sit on them, because they are gentlemen, and because they have plans to plunder her anus. All of her holes get filled and nobody has to worry about leaving wet spots on any furniture.

There’s a slight possibility that New Sensations will email later to tell us that Abelia and Goldy are the same person interpreting the same double penetration scene in two wildly different ways. If that happens, we will pass the information along to you, and we apologize for getting “Got Two in Her” totally wrong.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy “Got Two in Her” (store.fleshbot.com)

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After years of lawsuits, intrigue, and millions of dollars in investment, Sex.com has finally (finally!) launched as something. Sadly, that something is a Pinterest clone. A Pinterest clone…for sex!…but a Pinterest clone. Are we surprised? Not really–we remember what happened to Porn.com. But we are a little sad that the people with the money to invest in the best domains don’t have the creativity to actually do something cool with them. (sex.com)

It’s May, and that means it’s also National Masturbation Month! We like to spend this month thinking about how important masturbation is as an emblem of self-love, personal exploration, and safe sex; we also like to watch videos of women masturbating, and that’s what we’re going to do right now (and pay attention, because you will be tested).

We have five videos of different ladies getting their respective self-driven jollies, but we’re only showing you the top halves of their bodies. Why? Because it’s up to you to figure out whether they’re masturbating with the help of a toy or with nothing but their hands.

Do you think you’re up to the challenge?

Are you good at reading body language?

Will you get distracted by the orgasmic faces these women make? We definitely did, but hopefully you’re be more focused than we were. Let’s begin!

1. Wanking in the Afternoon Light: This clip, fresh from an Abby Winters film, gives us the simple joy of a girl reclining in bed, touching herself and letting the rest of the world melt away. Do you think she’s included a toy in her escape from reality? We can see a bit of her hand moving, but it’s hard to tell whether she’s holding something besides her own excited clit. And what about the sound: is that a dog barking or the whirr of a vibrator? Click here for the answer.

2. Nyomi Marcela Shows Off: It’s a little different when a professional pornstar is flicking her bean for the camera; there’s more posturing and flexing, more demonstrating how good it feels to fuck one’s self. But don’t let that distract you, let Nyomi’s body reveal its secrets to you. Soon her “Private Sensations” will show you the way. Or you can just click here for the answer.

3. Jennifer White, Oh, She’s So Tight!: We can’t give you the name of this film because that would give it away, but we think this one is fairly easy to figure out without our help. If you’re having trouble with it, just wait until the last few seconds. Once you see Jennifer’s entire body shake with the force of her self-fucking, you’ll realize that the answer is…

4. No One’s in the Kitchen with Alexis Texas: As this scene from “Self Service” illustrates, Alexis doesn’t need anyone’s help to put on a good show, that’s for damn sure. But does she need the help of a sex toy? If we know Alexis Texas–and we like to think we do–we bet she keeps all kinds of gadgets in the kitchen. Is this even her kitchen? Where is she? Where are we? And what is making that juicy sound? Alexis, give us the answer!

5. Poolside Pleasures: Now here’s a tricky one. All we can see is a woman’s writhing, pulsing torso and her shoulders. Her arms are hidden by her body, so we can’t detect any telltale signs of finger or fist movement. What could she possibly be doing? Why did she choose to sit by the pool? Maybe she’s dipping her pussy in the hot tub and playing with the jets, or maybe the answer is…

So how did you do? We’ll trust you to score your own tests. If your results aren’t that hot, or if you want to do some extra studying, feel free to browse our masturbation archives. You might not learn anything new, but gosh darnit, you’ll be promoting the spirit of this glorious month.

[All videos courtesy of AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network and Adult Video On Demand (theater.aebn.net)]

[At top: photo by John B. Root (galleries.rebootcash.com)]

It is New Year’s Eve and unseasonably warm, and I am out to begin celebrating with some close friends. My girlfriends and I, we are all grad students and we are all in that special hell that’s populated exclusively with the smart, the miserable, and the not particularly self-aware.

We start off our evening with a heavyish meal, as our plans for later involve more whiskey than I like to remember. We are at a greasy sandwich shop, enjoying falafel and hummus wraps coupled with fries covered in jalapeños, with a side of champagne for my girlfriends and a diet coke with Jim Beam from my flask for me. We laugh, not realizing that this moment is one of those perfect times that I can look back at now and see how beautiful our friendships were in the midst of a sea of more professional bullshit than I had ever imagined. We toast all the horrible things that are finally ending with 2010: problems with our exes, problems with our families, problems with our schooling, problems with our credit card bills, and to the glimmer of hope that’s promised ever year on this day in the few hours before midnight. We inhale our meal and hail a cab to a party in the northern part of our fair city that we like to joke will be populated with about two hundred women, seven hundred gay men, and maybe 5 straight(ish) ones, and more sequins than you could find in the costumes for Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. We are ultimately very correct in our assessment.

Over dinner, I have been telling Siobhán just how badly I want to fuck someone else to get the bitter taste of Adam out of my mouth. She teases me about the words I use, she teases me about my sex drive, she teases me about going to the gayest new year’s party in the city if what I really want is to fuck a man.  I take it in stride and return the jokes to her.

“All I need is one dude who’s willing to take my pants off,” I tell her, “and then it really doesn’t matter just how little the rest of them care about my junk.”

“Fair,” she says. “After all, if the incidence of something is 1 in 1,000 in the real world, but it happens to you, the incidence for you is 1 in 1.”

“Siobhán, that’s the nerdiest way I’ve ever heard a hookup described. Ever.”

“You’re welcome.”

We snag a cab and arrive just in time to beat a mass of fashionably late types to our new year’s event. We shed our coats. We get drinks. We strengthen them from my flask that’s tucked into the top of my boot.  We assess the crowd and find a blank spot for dancing.

My friends and I take sweaty, smiling pictures of each other all night. My outfit for the evening (black tanktop, black tights, black boots, black leather miniskirt, and a poorly-thought-out, visible through my shirt only in a camera flash, turquoise bra) is well documented next to my friends’ flashy party dresses and broad grins. There are photos of women embracing whose relationships—romantic or otherwise—have since dissolved, and photos of new friendships in their awkward beginnings before a deeper, more intimate connection is later forged.

I love these photos. I hate these photos.

After 45 minutes or so, I see a tall, boyish-faced man from the corner of my eye.

He looks at me, smiles, and looks away; he tells something to one of his friends.

I look at Siobhán: “All I need is one,” I remind her. She laughs and continues her dancing, which is a charming mix of voguing and gyrations over a beatific smile that never fails to attract a suitor.

I look up and see that stranger’s grin, this time with a wink. I look him in the face, raise an eyebrow in his direction, and keep up my dancing.

This tango goes on for longer than I anticipate.

I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn around to see someone other than who I expect, who happens to be standing about 3 feet away and talking to some other friend. The stranger I want to see is completely oblivious to this exchange.

This suitor is not a beautiful man, wearing not a beautiful hat, using not exactly eloquent words and covered in not particularly alluring sweat, and I think he might be hitting on me.

I may only need one to meet my goal for the evening, but just because an opportunity presents itself does not mean I am obligated to take it.

In equal parts desperation and irritation, I swing around to the tall, boyish man that I was hoping was seeking my attention. I tap his shoulder, square my shoulders and squeeze my breasts together with my upper arms, and when he turns to me I ask him, very bluntly:

“Would you like to dance with me?”

“Yes.”

The other suitor is completely crestfallen. I really don’t care.

His arm slides around my waist and I place my hands on his shoulders. We are far enough apart to be acceptable for a middle school party.

“What’s your name?”

“Margot. You?”

“I’m Louis.”

We dance for the next hour between now and midnight. He tells me what he does for a living. I tell him what I do. He tells me that he is from my fair city, I tell him that my hometown is several hundred miles away and I am surprised to discover that he used to work there. He is smart and charming and a little bit grabbier than I expect.

When midnight rolls around he pulls me in and kisses me with one hand exploring the texture of my woven tights under the short hemline of my leather miniskirt.

For the next 45 minutes we continue this dance. He kisses me and gropes me, he tells me that he expects me to slap him at any minute and is surprised when I don’t. I see my friends over his shoulder and they are keeping a watchful, yet encouraging, eye on my activities. Siobhán has wandered off somewhere with one of Louis’s group and I don’t hear from her until the next day.

When he tries to cup my pussy under my skirt on the dance floor, I draw a line.

“For that,” I inform him, “you better just take me home.”

“Ok.”

We leave. We scamper out of the club like we’re getting away with something. We get a cab driven by a dry old man who could not care less about our excitement as long as we don’t destroy his backseat.

“Unicorn Lane and la Ravaudeuse Road,” I yelp, crashing into the cab and on top of my newfound paramour.

“Ok.” The cab driver has clearly been a witness to this scene several times over in just this one evening.

In the relative privacy of the backseat, Louis bites my earlobes and my neck, he pulls down the tops of my tights and his aggressive hand is immediately exploring my anatomy.

“Margot, when we get to your house I am going to eat your pussy for at least an hour.”

I spread my thighs and stifle a moan, I tell him not to make me come in the cab because the driver would probably hate it. He laughs. I unzip his pants and wrap my free hand around the base of his cock.

Many months later, Louis tells me that the comment that I make, that he is thicker than I anticipate, was so unexpected to him that he struggled not to come into my palm at that moment.

We put ourselves together when the cab careens to a halt at the designated corner. Louis flings some money at the driver as we tumble out. I lead him halfway down the block to the front door of my building. His hands are up my skirt as he follows me up the stairs to my apartment’s front door. I let us in and shed all my clothes on the walk back to my room. I hear astonished comments from behind me.

We arrive at the back of the apartment. Louis is naked too, he presses against me in a heated, urgent kiss. I drop to my knees and take his cock into my mouth as he grabs my hair, in part to steady his bulk and in part from the thrill of dominating a relatively unknown woman. This only last a minute before he pulls me up by the underarms and presses me towards the bed. I land on my back.

It is his turn to drop to his knees. He makes good on the promise he made me in the cab: while it isn’t anywhere approaching an hour, it is plenty of time for me to come with my pussy squeezing the three fingers he has shoved inside me while I arch my back and pant.

I breathlessly tell him that the condoms are, of course, in the bedside drawer. He grabs one and rolls it on. As soon as he is done, I am on top of him and riding him while he squeezes my ass. He pulls me forward by the waist and lands his face between my breasts. He pinches and bites my nipples when I ask him to. I pull his hair when he asks me to. I come in a flood across his pelvis.

He rolls me over on my back without missing a beat and bends me in half to put my legs over his shoulders. He bites me and sucks my earlobes, his nails scratch into my waist and hips as deeply as mine do into his back. When he comes he lets out a guttural sound that shakes my diaphragm.

We are silent except for our heavy breath.

After, we talk. I discover that Louis is a good person, or at least he passes for one on what I expect is a one-night stand. He tells me more intimate details about his life that night than he will ever be comfortable telling me later, because I am a perfect stranger to him. I tell him fewer of my own and am generally cooler than I ever could normally be, because he is a perfect stranger to me. He is older than he looks, and more complex than he likes to be.

“Happy new year,” he mutters to me before we fall asleep. It is 4am.

The next morning, a thick hand parting my labia and exploring my clit coupled with a hard dick pressing into my back awakens me, and I am exactly on the edge of orgasm. When another hand finds my now-sore breast and stimulates an aching nipple, I moan and shudder into consciousness.

When I am a thinking person again, I roll over onto my belly and place myself between this stranger’s thighs. He is hard again. I take him into my mouth, with one hand gripping the base of his cock and the other fondling his balls. Louis is not yet friendly enough to call me names, so instead he grabs my hair and complements my skills before he orgasms down my throat.

After a few minutes we are both calm. We are both finding out more about each other, these two relative unknowns who will, we find out later, be perfectly unmatched.

I offer him a shower, and ask if he wants to get brunch. He politely declines, saying that he has to meet his friends from last night. I check my phone to find about ten texts from last night, ranging from friends reminding me to be safe and careful to complimenting me, to Siobhán asking if I want to get our customary New Year’s meal of lo mein, which is an invitation that I accept.

Louis reassembles himself in his sweaty clothes. I put on some pajamas and make coffee. He kisses me on the cheek in the kitchen before we trade phone numbers. As I see him out the door, my roommate wanders out of her room and looks at Louis, then back at me, and then promptly goes back to bed.

I wrongly expect to never see him again.

Republished with permission from La Ravaudeuse. Want to see your true tale of lust on Fleshbot? Contact us. Photo by John B. Root.

Guys have a hard time figuring out how to package their junk; sure, there are some comfy choices, but in terms of showing off, we never know what’s going to get the best reaction. Fortunately, international supermodel Bar Refaeli is here to tell us that if we wear hear line of undies, then we will have gorgeous women in our houses, bathing in our tubs, missing us dearly.

Finally, some underwear that will make people miss us! That’s what we all really want, right? And up until now, our only option for being memorable was to wear something with hearts or snowflakes or gingerbread men on it. Now we have a classy option and we have Bar Refaeli’s rocking bod to enjoy, too. Thank you, Bar!

· Bar Refaeli Launches Her New Men’s Underwear Collection (youtube.com)
· Via In The Raw (itr2010.org)

Jessica Jane Clement took no chances with her sideboob-showcasing white dress, and we respect her for that. Yes, we would’ve liked to see a nipple slip out of the side of that thing, but the fact that she said to herself, “I’m wearing a giant ascot and nothing else, so let’s slap some pasties on as well,” makes us feel very proud of her.

We’re not being facetious, we swear! We think foresight is sexy as hell, and we love that Jessica Jane showed us so much of her body while controlling what we can’t see. Actually, all this talk of control is giving us some strange domination fantasies involving Ms. Clement. (And there are no pasties on in our fantasies.)

· Via Taxi Driver Movie (taxidrivermovie.com)

We’re familiar with the term “free love” — and when it comes to a couple stacked babysitters busting out of their bras, the freer the love the better. Let us delve into some voluptuous vintage smut.

See how nice things can be when we all get along? All the boobs are out, singin’, dancing and holding hands, while these two ladies work together as a team sucking and fondling this guy’s sizeable dong. We wish we had a time machine to travel back into their swingin’ little sex den. Surrounded by giant boobs and love — we couldn’t be happier! Oh, we’d wile our time away touching ourselves and making daisy chains all the live-long day.

· Buy/Watch Bra Busting Babysitters (theater.aebn.net)
· Via AEBN Porn Pay Per View Network and Adult Video On Demand (theater.aebn.net)

No way! We were totally just talking about Heather Joy the other day when she was banging Erik Everhard, and now here she is, the marvelous mammary-flashing monarch of May, our newest jGrrl. Gosh, pornstars move so fast, don’t they?

In addition to all the lovely pictures you see below, Juliland sent over a bunch of Heather Joy’s quotes in order to get us acquainted with the new boss lady’s sense of humor. They say she’s both a Los Angeles and a Brooklyn native (Heather Joy is really a two-person Voltron) and she describes herself as “a literary elitist, self defeatist, erratic, problematic, and a terrible rhymer.”

On the topic of oral sex: “Believe it or not, I prefer receiving rather than giving, perhaps because I’m lazy. I’m also not that big of a fan kissing because I feel that spit should be saved to use in more exciting places like my vagina.”

You hear that? No more kissing ever.

· Enhance your Joy over at Juliland (juliland.com)

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Last year, Argentine footballer Lionel Messi got a bunch of his teammates together and went to a crazy booze-fueled orgy hosted by super foxy TV personality Xoana Gonzalez; we totally missed this when it happened. But don’t fret! Xoana Gonzalez recently posed topless for H Extremo, so you can pretend you’re there at the orgy!

And it’s not hard to imagine the scene either, what with Xoana (gorgeous name, by the way) bent over in the elevator with her ass pointed at you and that curious half-grin coming over her shoulder. Who says you can’t have an orgy in an elevator? If anyone says that, we say they’re not trying hard enough.

· See more pictures at Egotastic (egotastic.com)