April is ending, and we all know what that means: May flowers, and babes, babes, babes!!

You’d better make it a large, because that thing’s more like a two-liter! We almost can’t believe our eyes: a single cock with room for two full handspreads, where a deep throat appears to get just the tip. This girthiest of cocks might present a challenge for some… but this gal is up for the test, and quite happily so at that.

It may not be the most explicit gif we’ve ever run, but there’s something oddly compelling (and, need we say, incredibly sexy) about this gif of Faye Reagan getting it in. Maybe we’re just intrigued by the hint of suggestion, by the power of what we can’t see…or, uh, maybe we just like Faye Reagan that much.

Irena

Sasha Swift, a bored 22-year-old Russian mail-order bride in “Anal Size My Wife 3,” is nearly incoherent with sexual frustration. Read on to see how much of the backstory (heh) we filled in.

It’s been over a year since the last time we saw you–and to be honest, the jury is still out on whether that was an actual sighting, or just wishful thinking. But this time there can be no doubt.

When we saw a piece of the trailer of “L’amore fa male” back in October, we were immediately smitten, and all we could see was Diane Fleri taking her top off over and over. Now that we’ve seen a bit more of the scene in question, we have to say: as cute as Diane is, and as much as we like her butt, that boob reveal is still the greatest.

That alleged picture of Kim Kardashian cooking up breakfast in the buff is actually a picture of Katherine Porto, a Colombian TV personality/actress who had Soho Magazine follow her around while she went about her daily business in the nude. We were pretty sure that the original picture wasn’t Kim, but we had no idea what a wonderful world of Katherine we’d discover!

We’re entering a sensual wonderland, where we meet a lovingly lavished blowjob, a billowy bout of titty-fucking, and, at last, a slow and sexy slide up the rabbit hole in a fleshly culmination.

Let’s just all agree, right here and now, that there is no scenario imaginable in which hanging out with Natasha Nice in a bathtub is a bad idea–what with her silky, sudsy skin and deliciously wet curves. We don’t know how she fits into the narrative, unless Wolf Hudson is going to marry the bath water she leaves behind.

We’d try to come up with some witty commentary about what this Swimfans photo shoot (which appeared in Nasty Magazine, we hear) is about, but honestly, photographer Paul Kwiatkowski’s explanation is too awesome not to reproduce in full.

While you’re (well, we’re) busy staring at models’ nipples, do you ever stop and think about the eyes that are staring out at you, watching you watch them? Sometimes it’s not an issue, but sometimes you’re looking through Vogue Italia and you see a photoshoot that contains pictures that could easily have been taken from that cursed videotape from “The Ring.” It’s your soul for a peek at their nipples: good deal, right?

Grant is tall and has hazel eyes, which when we are alone he embellishes with glasses, but in public he uses contacts. He wears a beard to make me happy, and his hair is unruly and brown. He is the smartest person I’ve ever met, and also one of the most reserved. He holds my hand in public and nuzzles his face into my pillow when he sleeps. He likes to take me to museums, and we watch sci-fi from the 1960s and 70s on a semi-regular basis. He suffers my horrible schedule and obliges my need for human contact.

Oh, “Lip Service,” how you entice us with displays of lady-on-lady action. How are we to convince ourselves to get out of bed in the morning when you constantly remind us that bed is the most awesome place in the universe? Look at the dress code here: one woman is wearing a corset, the other is only wearing panties. We feel so accepted in Ruta Gedamintas’s bed (now if only she would invite us).

We want to sit here and spend some quality time ogling the nipple that is clearly visible beneath Kate Upton’s tanktop, but we are quite distracted by the man hugging her while wearing a fanny pack and the headband that matches his shorts. We’re guessing he’s a photographer; that is the only excuse for his intrusion.

Especially not naked ones! But it looks like one very naked lady managed to sneak in, and managed to get her pussy stuffed all manner of ways, without anyone walking in! (Too bad…)

What’s Joanna Angel been up to lately? She’s been getting her picture taken by Jonathan Alpeyrie, a fashion/war/human photographer who’s been dressing Joanna and a few other pornstars up in ridiculously expensive clothes. Why is he doing this? We don’t know and neither does Joanna, but she’s looking mighty fly.

We thought it was weird seeing Lily (Jessica Marais) try to seduce her husband for a change, but we had no idea what weirdness would follow. She goes and masturbates sweetly under a big one-way mirror while Ben watches her from above. Now that right there is a god complex!