You remember your first kiss, the last kiss you had, and even that one sweet makeout session that ended with you getting mono; kissing is really something special. It’s one of the few physical intimacies you can share with your girlfriend and your grandma! So how do you feel about it in your porn?
We’re encouraged to eat local, so why not fuck local too? Being socially responsible can feel so good (especially when it comes with a taste of local ample MILF-tit).
Much as we like POV porn in theory, in practice it can, well, fall flat. Shaky camera work, weird angles, and, ugh, the dreaded voice of the person behind the camera can all kill the fantasy that it’s really you getting your freak on with a lovely lady. This gif of Natasha Nice, however? It’s got none of those failings–just some good, awesome, POV fantasy fuck action.
I once had the pleasure of having my spot stolen by Mr. Robin “Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous” Leach during the AVN Awards red carpet. Had I arrived? Had he fallen? What did that mean for Dave Navarro? Anyway, if only I’d known about “Spandex Loads” then, I could have reclaimed my purloined space by shouting “Add these to your caviar dreams, Rupert Murdoch!”
We happily tested out the ZERO variety of condom from ONE, who we are excited to see gussying up the good old prophylactic. This style boasts “premium ingredients and an advanced purification process” for a condom that’s 25% thinner. And… yes, it’s pretty darn thin.
It’s like, damn, Elsa: how are the rest of us going to impress each other if you’re rolling down the sidewalk, on a skateboard, naked save for a luxurious fur coat? Where are we going to sunbathe nude when you’ve officially put a claim on the rooftop titty trade? Didn’t your parents teach you about sharing and compassion? Seriously, Elsa.
Did Boobstagram leaving you longing for a little backside Instagram love? Well, your prayers have been answered: Butts of Instagram (which, in addition to its homebase on Tumblr also exists on Facebook and Twitter, for maximum online exposure) aggregates all the best butt shots from our favorite snapshot app (and, just to be confusing, from Twitter and Tumblr as well). Hey, how can you say no to a website that refers to itself as Asstagram? (Spoiler alert: you can’t.)
Plate or platter? Apparently this Russian babe opted for the latter — she ends up with possibly the largest, gushiest high tide of facials we’ve ever seen. It’s a wonder she didn’t drown!
We love the idea of someone being “Innocent But Nasty.” Not only is this a refreshingly direct title for a teen-centric porn film, but it also suggests that nastiness is part of nature; these girls are freaky in ways that can’t be learned from their peers or magazines, and we hope that they never lose this perverted purity.
You see, there was this sketch comedy show in Brazil called “Pânico na TV” that had a team of super cute dancers called the Panicats. If you were watching good TV in the early ’90s, you probably remember “In Living Color” and their team of Fly Girls (including Rosie Perez and Jennifer Lopez); these shows are parallel so far. Unfortunately, our Fly Girls never stripped down to strike sexy poses around a ranch, so that’s where the comparison ends.
Don’t feel bad for her though, it’s all she needs. In fact, if we all had giant fur hats with long ears that could wrap around our bodies, we’d be able to strut around half-nude just like Alina, all day, everyday. Think of all the closet space we would save!
Dear Mr. X,
I want you! I want you! I want you! I feel like one of those dolls with a string you pull, those dolls that say something every time. Me I just say “I want you!”, and then the string probably gets me stripping and makes my legs fly wide open. I am that kind of doll, which I guess you could call a sex doll.
When Kasey Emas rides on top of that guy with her huge boobs out and she slaps him around, it’s kinky. When that scary guy shows up with the gun, it’s violent. However, when Kasey ends the scene by punching the first guy’s lights out, we don’t know if it’s kinky or violent. Any thoughts?
Not surprisingly, the answer is black–though we have to admit, we were kinda hoping that Taylor might be the kind of girl to rock pink polka dot panties under her tough, goth ensemble. What can we say? We’re kinda kinky.
Surrounded by a circle of cocks ripe for the sucking — it must be like a candy store for this lady! Sucking all these off is almost like eating a Tootsie Pop, but much more fun.
You told Dora Yoder that she could come over for sexy naked time in your backyard hot tub, and she came all the way to see you, and all you have is a dirty pit surrounded by some caution tape. Dora Yoder is displeased, and she’s going to show you the extent of her disdain by dropping naked sass bombs all over the place.
There’s a lot of buzz floating around about how Remy LaCroix is going to be the next big thing in porn because she’s so hot and so great at sex, and while we agree that she’s going to be huge, we think people are clinging to the sex part of her talents a little too hard. In the future, porn will have almost nothing to do with fucking; instead, we will watch ladies like Remy hula hoop for hours.