We’ve always been a fan of nudes. Oh yeah — and, uh, paintings too.

This is a land awash in the nectars of sex, and, like a horny butterfly, we’re flitting by for a closer look.

GET LAID TONIGHT!
Ever been a member of a dating site? Ever get laid? No? I thought so. You were doing it wrong. You failed and I’ll tell you why.

We spend a lot of time on the internets, looking for the best and hottest gifs to share with you–and to be honest, it can get a little tiring some times. So when we get an email from one of our delightful readers that just hands us an awesome, sexy gif? It’s hard to overstate how thrilled that makes us.

Met-Art

Lara Croft (Chanel Preston), like any beautiful woman, has no friends, just potential betrayers. The adventurer must fuck her way through danger, as well as India, Peru, and the American Southwest in this parody that is about as exciting as the source material.

Is that what we’re looking at here? Because there are a lot of websites that are alleging this is so, but we can never be too certain. We’ve seen her panties before, like, often, but having never seen her in a position such as this, we’re unable to judge the Tulisaness of the young woman performing oral here. That being said, whoever this girl is, she’s very skilled.

We learned a lot about Hank last night. His wildest dream “involves a three-breasted midget with labia piercings and a desire to please,” which is pretty cool. Also, if you’re a Lars von Trier parody with a penchant for peeing on prostitutes, Hank will punch you in the face! Yes, he’s a complex man. It’s a complicated show! Fortunately, nice boobs are here to keep it simple.

With the pipes on this chick we would believe if she’d gone out for American Idol or The Voice or some such vocal talent quest. But we’re quite pleased and impressed with her decision to sing whilst bouncing upon a hard, wet cock.

Gas prices are subject to all sorts of radical changes based on taxes, OPEC, rumors, and other junk we don’t understand; it can be a nightmare trying to get a single gallon in your tank! Thank God that Teena Lipoldina has such great milage. You only have to give her a couple of cocks and she’ll ride for days.

Ice-T and Coco were posing for a cute picture, then she went to smooch his cheek, then it looks like he squeezed a little too hard at her tit fell out of her dress–oh no! Then all of a sudden Coco stopped giving a fuck because she knows she’s the hottest. Good story, right?

“Elles” was shown at the Toronto International Film Festival and quickly became known as “the film where Juliette Binoche simulates screen masturbation,” but there’s so much more to it than that! Like, there’s a couple of college students who pay their tuition with prostitution, and then there’s Juliette getting to know them, and then, yeah, she masturbates and it’s awesome.

Fucking has been light on the ground in these parts recently because we’ve both been a touch under the weather. Saturday afternoon was our first fuck in a week, but apart from the intense nipple torture D employed it was rather tame. That changed Saturday night. Saturday night–we were back.

How do you get rid of tan lines when you’re in a hurry? Apparently, you can have someone come over and airbrush them off your body. And apparently, Stephanie Fantauzzi has no problem getting her body blasted with tanner while everyone in the room admires her fading bikini lines.

There are some who might say that seeing a woman who’s made over 200 porn movies slip a nipple on Twitter is no great shakes. You know what we call those people? Ingrates (also spoilsports).

When you’ve got the massively squishable boobs of Jelena Jensen paired with the naughty antics of Samantha Ryan, Charley Chase, Lily Cade and friends, what else can you do but squeeze, suck and lick your way to eternal happiness?

It’s not easy being a model/reality TV star/Michael Bay’s girlfriend, but Lauren Stoner manages to multi-task quite wonderfully. Of course, it requires a lot of discipline. Here she is taking her bikini top off in terrifically sexy manner, arching her back to the sky as she reveals her boobs as if to say, “Take me, sun! Ravage my body with your photons!”

Ugh, look, it’s Glaber. We hate that guy. He’s the one responsible for enslaving Spartacus, he’s trying to put down the revolt, he had Seppius executed in order to get closer to his sister, Seppia, and now he’s sent his pregnant wife away so he can have crazy sex with Seppia all the time. He’s such a nasty little weasel! We’re so angry that watching him bang Seppia is so awesome!