The way we see it, clothing only exists to be taken off. Does that make us exhibitionists? We don’t think so, but honestly, we don’t understand exhibitionism all that well. That’s why today’s entry in the Encyclopedia of Smut is all about bringing the sun where the sun doesn’t usually shine!
‘Tis a bold man who isn’t made nervous by his girlfriend getting it on with another dude. ‘Tis an even bolder man who chooses to film the whole exchange.
Cock: many have drooled over it, Camille Crimson‘s worshipped it, and Ashli Orion’s even sung its praises: but until we saw this gif, we’re not sure we really understood how deeply felt a cock craving could be. Thank you, anonymous woman, for opening our eyes to a truly intense cock craving. We may never be the same again.
A film like “Monster Gapes” doesn’t need to waste its time on set-ups, but we are treated to just how a woman came to be making a perfect, expanding O at the very bottom of herself nonetheless.
Some have said that the legend of the mermaid arose when sex starved sailors mistook sunbathing manatees for gorgeous maidens of the sea. But we know the truth of the matter: what those sailors really saw was a time traveling Nicki Minaj, head ablaze with a halo bright green hair and a body so ass kicking it completely distracted them from the fact that she’s just a human lady with legs, and not a fantastic sea goddess.
You guys, we really like you, and we’ve had a lot of fun talking about movies with you, but we have to wonder: are you just using us to get your rocks off and your jollies up? You’d better be. We like being used. In fact, we like movies in which people are used for sex.
Female orgasms: we may not fully understand them, but hot damn if they aren’t beautiful to watch.
If porn goes the way of everything else in the world, it won’t be long until titles like this are abolished. Think about it: Cookie Monster eats veggies now. By 2013, you’ll be watching something called “Kale-Eating Cuckolds” and pining for the day when it was acceptable to show a girl rubbing her clit with a lollipop.
We don’t need to tell you that this is an American Apparel ad, but we do need to tell you that we wish we had this model’s nipples. Yes, if we had really pretty and pink nipples like Louise here does, we’d definitely name one of them Chiffon. The other one would be something like Tulle.
Of course, we don’t have to tell Paz what to do with her boobs–we’re sure she knows what to do with them. And in the rare moments when she isn’t sure where to place them, she has Terry Richardson by her side, helping her expose herself while lying down on a bench in the park! Why aren’t these two married yet?
We had an odd day off in the middle of the week. Despite D’s declaration that he planned to fuck me, we managed to while away the day doing not much of anything at all, for whatever reason.
Evening. I was in another part of the house, done waiting. I looked for him on chat. His name showed the little orange clock next to it, not a bright green dot. I had a feeling he’d hear the ping.
Polaroid pictures have the same haze you find when you try to remember a sexy dream; that’s pretty much why we like them so much. You can point it at anything and then boom: you’re wading through masturbatory memories to find the one image of Maryna Linchuk that woke you up in a state of arousal and shock. Isn’t photography neat?
Look at these outtakes from Megan Fox’s Rolling Stone shoot–there are so many of them! How wasteful, Rolling Stone. We think shoots of sexy actresses should be treated like buffalo: use every last part.
What, you think because you watched the last big movie that Elegant Angel put you, that means you’re well-versed in pornography? You need to sit down with some old school smut first. Try watching Bambi Woods get her freak on in the legendary “Debbie Does Dallas.” This movie is like “The Iliad” for perverts.
At least, that’s what the rumors say! According to the people who run the Celebrity Nudity Database, the upcoming movie “Bel Ami” contains an actual montage of Christina Ricci in bed with some lucky gentlemen, and yes, you can see her beautiful breasts. For a reminder of what those breasts look like, here’s a clip from “After Life.”
No, we’re not talking about some strange Miley Cyrus scandal; we’re talking about “Erobreren,” a super sexy Norwegian film that got its video distribution handled by Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment. It has hot sex, seethrough nipples, and bread kneading that turns to passionate groping. Go Disney!