We’re back with yet another letter in our Encyclopedia of Smut! Today’s entry focuses on one of the most misused (or should we say oddly evolved) words in the porn lexicon: cuckoldry. What is a cuckold? Who enjoys cuckoldry? Why is there a genre of porn that draws a comparison between humiliated husbands and the egg-laying habits of birds? There are almost too many questions.
Actually, the FDA is still debating whether or not anal sex is “half the calories” of vaginal sex, and they’re taking forever to approve or deny that claim. It’s not their fault, really. Anal sex is neither a food nor a drug.
Stymied by a certain sex act? You might want to try a different position–and not just for the old in and out, either. We often find that seemingly impossible acts (like, say, deep throating) become easily achievable with just a slight adjustment. Having trouble giving head? Try this fancy configuration (head hanging back, mouth wide open), and see if that doesn’t open up a world of possibility to you.
…we must applaud the plucky American spirit demonstrated by a movie filled with fearless, hefty swingers, pissing midgets, and auto-fellating wraiths, all awash in blood.
Between porn’s Golden Age in the ’70s to the early ’80s and the present Gonzo Age which began in the mid-’90s, adult video producers faced an existential crisis.
Some, because they either believed themselves auteurs or because they believed story lines (no matter how thin) would shield them from obscenity convictions, stuck to plot-driven movies. The movies, though they had a script, were shot quickly with ridiculous plots that involved pimps moving in with families, showers that made people horny and the trials and tribulations of public access channels.
We’re biased, sure, but we happen to think that Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol are two of the funniest performers in all of porn–and, for the record, we don’t just mean that they’re funny for porn performers.
There would be way fewer self help books in stores if porn were slightly more socially acceptable. “I’m depressed,” one MILF would say to another. Her friend would nod and turn her laptop to XTube, “You know, I was often melancholy too, but then I saw this woman sucking a big black dick on the internet and I realized that this is what I needed all along!”
Cuckolding–like Sean Michaels’s cock–is large, complicated, and on Julia Ann’s mind. Fortunately, cuckolding porn is simple: cougars have wants and needs that can’t be fulfilled by thin-dicked men, and that is how it shall be for all eternity.
If you watched my Q & A last night, congratulations! You now know the big secret I’ve been carrying around.
For those of you who didn’t, I know I got your attention. What’s the secret? I know your mind’s reeling and wondering about it right now. Is Bobbi getting married? Is she retiring? Is she announcing that she’s actually, in fact, a member of the Christian Coalition?
Sometimes we browse through Netflix and look for movies that are steeped in eroticism–movies that can get your blood flowing with nothing more than a woman’s eyebrows and some tense dialogue–and sometimes we click around Netflix aimlessly until we stumble upon a film and say, “Oh yeah! There’s totally a great pair of tits at some spot in this movie. And the rest of the movie is a documentary about Robert E. Lee.”
I’m high.
I’m dreamy.
I’m heightened.
It’s like taking a hallucinogen only it’s words that have flooded my mind. These words form vivid images, feelings and physical reactions. Skin flushed and warm. Perpetual wet panties. A constant throbbing between my legs. It’s what every girl strives for when interacting with another person.
The problem with dreams is that as long as they stay dreams, they are perfect, flawless things. When you decide to make your dream a reality, nothing is perfect and nothing is flawless. There are compromises to be made and sometimes, what you wind up with is something that is not what you imagined.
This is why I’ve taken my time when it comes to the people I work with. I have a vision, and while I realize that real life requires change, it doesn’t mean they still can’t be done well.
Well, this is a fine how do you do: Nina Senicar pops back into our life after months of absence, and within seconds she’s flashing her panties at us (and don’t even get us started on her cleavage). Oh, Nina, it’s not that easy to win back our affections…although, okay, who are we kidding, yes it is.
Is mutual masturbation–two people giving each other handjobs simultaneously, in case you didn’t know–the most underrated sex act? We think it might be. We were hoping to get some commentary from Naomi and Luscious Lopez, but as soon as we said the double-M words (some of you just thought of Magic Missile) Naomi and Luscious were like, “Good idea!” and began rubbing each other’s clit.
You might remember Jacqui Holland from “Hollywood Sex Wars,” “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury,” or maybe “My Best Friend’s Girl” (she played the role of Kindly Stripper). One look at this girl’s IMDb page will show you that she’s a seasoned scream queen/sex bomb, but we’d like to point out that she’s much more than cute and vulnerable–she’s a comedian!
Everybody knows the disappointment of putting on novelty “X-ray specs” and only seeing a bunch of blurry rainbows; it’s soul crushing. It’s not like we need to see every skeleton walking down the street, all we want is the ability to make see-through clothing–like Katy Perry’s dress–completely translucent. Fortunately, someone figured out how to do that with Photoshop!
