We want you to think that we’re knowledgeable about all the porn ever made in the world, but honestly, we’re not. There’s simply too much out there for us to wrap our heads around. However, we want to learn more about various niches and styles of sex-based cinematics, and so today we’re announcing the beginning of our Encyclopedia of Smut! Don’t think of this as a porn-based Wikipedia, think of it as an erotic Microsoft Encarta (because we don’t know how long we can keep this up).

People often complain that exposure to pornography has changed the way young people have and enjoy sex. It’s a complex issue, but sometimes we want to say, “So what?” and be done with it. If porn teaches people that sloppy blowjobs, playing with spit, and anal sex are cool, then that’s cool by us.

We all know that walking under a ladder is just asking for bad luck…but what do the rules of superstition say about fucking under a ladder? Common sense tells us it’d be that much more unlucky (or at least vastly more dangerous)–but perhaps the overload of sheer bad ideaness makes the whole thing double back into good luck territory?

Maxine Holloway and Clara Voodoo, as seen at Madison Bound (madisonbound.com)

Originally Chanel Preston’s gangbang was to be Vadge Only. “But that didn’t make sense,” she says. “If I were to actually get gang-banged in the streets, I don’t think they’d leave my ass alone.”

File under: every celebrity has a sex tape…or at least, the paparazzi wishes they did. The French tabloids are all ablaze with rumors about an alleged Adele sex tape that’s supposed to be making its public debut any day now. Is it the real thing, or just a ruse? And can we get through this write up without making a “Rolling In The Deep” pun? Only for “Someone Like You.” (Source: jeanmarcmorandini.com)

We love it when people tie each other up and do nasty things to them, physically speaking. Being tied down emotionally isn’t really that fun, but sometimes it makes for unusual circumstances that erupt in steamy action! With that in mind, today’s round of Netflix Picks is all about the ties that bind.

Q: How long has it been since we last ogled the assets of one Christina Hendricks?

A: If the answer isn’t “two seconds ago,” then the answer is “way too long.” Good thing we just discovered these pictures of Christina and her ladies at the BAFTA Awards…

What, you whippersnappers took the day off so you could fuck each other in the afternoon? You think it’s cool to put your lives on hold when you want, no, need to commune with and appreciate each other’s bodies? And you even purchased a better camera so you could let us once again enjoy your screwing? Well, you’re right, and thank you, and we love you.

Emphatically yes. It’s “The Brother Load 3,” after all, and if Jenna Presley isn’t going to step up and take her Niagara-sized load of jizz to the face, then the burden will fall on Kristina Rose or Kagney Linn Karter, who will be more than happy for the extra drenching. Then Jenna will just feel left out. No fun.

What are these ads trying to tell us? Did this vintage boutique go back in time and steal the clothing off the backs of attractive young people from the ’60s and ’70s? Does that mean their prices are low?

Bravo, Terry Richardson. This is what Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy shoot should’ve looked like. Admittedly, we would’ve liked to see a little more skin (you can see a hint of nipple), but we literally just saw an areola-laden Lindsay Lohan shoot by Terry Richardson. We’ll gladly take this cleavage and upskirt fiesta.

“Do twelve reps!” she barked to me.

My triceps were burning. I didn’t think I could squeeze out five more reps, let alone twelve.

She leaned down in front of me, her cleavage in my face. “I know you can,” she said.

My eyes glued to her chest, I pulled the bar down in front of me. I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I did – twelve reps.

We were going to wait until after the episode officially aired to post this clip, but we couldn’t stop ourselves. This is everything we want out of “Spartacus: Vengeance”: pointless sex with large numbers of people and Lucy Lawless’s big boobs bouncing as she rides someone. And, for good measure, Viva Bianca shows up topless in the bath again. Well played, Starz. Very well played.

We were briefly convinced that Belen Rodriguez had hit the Sanremo Festival totally commando…but alas, further research proved that–though she’s barely wearing anything under her dress–there is, in fact, some sort of thong covering up the tiniest sliver of her ladybits. But hey, we’ll keep wishing and hoping, and surely one day Ms. Rodriguez will do away with that undergarment altogether.

At first we thought they had covered up all the wet and wonderful sounds of Priya Rai enjoying Chris Johnson’s pussy eating, but then we realized that Priya’s moans are the source of those sweet sax riffs. She’s the Charlie Parker of getting head!

Before the AVN Awards got started, while everyone was busy getting dressed and beautified, Zoe Voss was in her room with Nate “Igor” Smith taking sexy pictures. Even when she was actually getting ready and taking a shower, she was still being sexy on camera. Then she went downstairs wearing this amazing dress. What a girl.

This gorgeous Harlem-born rapper/actress/dancer spent the last couple of days casually tweeting pictures of the see-through outfit she wore to Diddy’s Post-Grammy party, and then suddenly she (allegedly) tweeted a picture of herself completely topless on a bench. It’s pretty weird! More importantly, Teyana is pretty damn hot!