We regret to inform you that the rest of the world still doesn’t know what a vagina looks like. First there was Juliana Margulies’s “vagina”, and now we have this ballroom dancing “crotch slip.”

We’ve never really agreed with those people who claim that Barbie has ruined America… until now. Clearly, only someone who actually believes that women resemble America’s favorite doll down there would genuinely believe that this is a picture of a woman’s vagina. The rest of us can just sigh, shake our heads, and comment on what a nice pantyhose shot that is.

· Ballroom Dancing, Now With 90% More Crotch Exposure (deadspin.com)

We tend to pass on “artistic” fuck flicks, simply because most wouldbe porn auteurs tend to put the art before the porn, making a product that comes across as more pretentious than jackable.

That said, while this clip has all the makings of an arty mess—shot in black & white, many quick cuts and slow fades—it actually works for us. Maybe it was just a lucky coincidence, or maybe we’ve stumbled upon a true porn auteur, but it’s nice to see some artistic sexiness that actually gets us hot and bothered.

· Yellow Girl In Black & White (pornhub.com)

Photo by Baby Sinead (babysinead.com)
Model: Cherri Cola (misscherricola.com)

We already thought that Peaches Geldof’s Agent Provocateur campaign was a smash… but now that we’ve seen her bottoms only, we can’t help but suspect the campaign might have benefited from a little nip slip.

Granted, the whole point of a lingerie campaign is to show girls in their bras, but, well, it worked for Nuts, didn’t it?

. . .

· Peaches Geldof Topless (taxidrivermovie.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Naomi Watts really knows how to bring a picture together—usually by getting naked. “Mulholland Drive”‘s success was sealed by Naomi’s boobs—and we suspect that “Mother and Child” will owe a similar debt to Naomi’s body.

Now, granted, we don’t actually know anything about the movie or what it’s about, aside from the fact that Naomi Watts gets naked in it, but still—we have a feeling that the newly minted MILF (she just gave birth in December!) is moving into Oscar territory with this one. Anyone with us on that one?

· Naomi Watts Naked On A Balcony (thenipslip.com)

Because babes are always here for the post-Valentine’s Day blues.

· Ann Angel (babeunion.com)
· Andy Valentino (hasbabes.com)
· Arilida (bodsforthemods.com)
· Cassey (bigboobsalert.com)

· Cheryl (kindgirls.com)
· Doris (bravoerotica.com)
· Iga Wrywal (hottystop.com)
· Jana (badgirlsblog.com)

· Jennifer Kahli (z0d.com)
· Kylie (bodsforthemods.com)
· Mariko (softcandies.com)
· Sabrina (babeslog.net)

· September Carrino (primecurves.com)
· Taylor (a-zbabes.com)
· Vika (babexpress.com)
· Wendy (sexyandfunny.com)

And don’t forget…

· Emily Damiano
· Irina
· Lindsay Marielm
· Sari

…and all the rest of the Fleshbot Babes!

*****

Previously: Best Of Babelogs Archive

It’s good to be the owner of a club. You’re always surrounded by half-naked women looking to have a good time… and the party and the women are all yours for the taking.

Because, of course, by wanting to have a good time we mean, a really good time. Such a good time, in fact, that they’re willing to get completely naked for you. It takes a certain breed of man to own a club, but as long are you’re willing to party as hard as the women who come in, the world is yours.

· Blond hottie pleasuring the club owner (redtube.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

First Obama went against the adult industry, picking historically anti-porn Eric Holder for Attorney General… now it seems he loves pornographers—or at least their lawyers, like potential Deputy Attorney General David Ogden.

We’re so confused. Which is it? Pro-porn or anti-porn? And how will Holder and Ogden ever get along?

· ‘Pornography Advocate at DOJ’: One of the Bright Spots in the Obama Administration (reason.com)

Danni Wells (dailypoa.com)

When thinking of Penny Flame (and we are), her hands aren’t the first things that come to mind. “We already know she isn’t a transsexual,” we say. “Concentrate on other parts.” But now we’ve reconsidered.

Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Handjobs for Men & Women

Studio: Vivid
Cast: Penny Flame, Harmony, Justice Young, Anthony Rosano

Review by: Gram Ponante

Ms. Flame proves an excellent teacher in “Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Handjobs for Men & Women,” which delivers the sexy without skimping on the science.

Appearing before a multi-ethnic and multigenerational classroom, Flame whips out the visual aids, both tasteful black-and-white drawings and flesh-and-blood subjects Harmony and Justice Young, to demonstrate that handjobs are more than masturbation plus distance.

Flame emphasizes lube, hand hygiene, and taking it slow (but firm) with guest Harmony, who allows Flame to squeeze her labia together for the hushed onlookers (“Don’t go straight for the clit before it’s warmed up,” Flame tells you sternly). But tragedy strikes when Justice Young appears for the male component, because Flame only gets him hard – she doesn’t allow a release. That, my friends, is not Justice.

And this is the only drawback to the movie. The 30-minute classroom portion is filmed and edited like an infomercial for softcore late-night cable, with all the applause sound effects, approving audience shots, cheesy voiceover, and canned music. The artifice threatens to overwhelm the naturally compelling Flame and make her seem like more of a prop, when in fact her teaching style – when she’s allowed to do it – is helpful and personable.

The infomercial gives way to several annotated hardcore scenes, including one with Flame and Anthony Rosano, that fill out the DVD.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy “Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Hand Jobs” (gamelink.com)

Well, it looks like the GTA is going the way of “Walk Hard” and stirring up controversy with—gasp!—a flaccid penis. We haven’t been this shocked since Evan Stone’s flaccid penis interrupted the Super Bowl.

To put some context to this: the flaccid penis, shown in Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned, belongs to Congressman Thomas Stubbs, who bares all after receiving a massage at a gentleman’s club. In other words, it’s actually (relatively) justified by the plot—well, as much as any nudity, sex, or violence is ever justified in GTA.

Now if only they’d show an actual (digital) erect penis in the next installment. That would be worth getting worked up about.

UPDATE: Screencaps of the offending member here.

· GTA IV: The Lost and Damned Also Adds Full Frontal Nudity (kotaku.com)

When normal pornographers fail to rise to the challenges presented by procuring perfect new asses to plunder, superman Eric Everhard steps forward to save our day with his throbbing appendage. What are friends for?

Like his aptly titled series, Everhard goes above and beyond the call in order to bring us the ripest, juiciest, very best bubbles out there—then proceeds to masterfully gape them with his unnatural endowment. When he’s sufficiently stressed their elasticity, eliciting a high chorus of throaty orgasmic song that effervesces up from the depths of their clinging, swollen pink centers like an angelic aria in the process, he then proceeds to reward the degree of their sexual surrender by basting them in goopy servings of piping hot baby batter. From the looks on their exhausted and extremely satisfied faces, it seems they really appreciate his thoughtfulness.

Volume the 3rd engages the emotional, vaginal, and anal talents of willing participants Savannah Stern, Jessica Lynn, Katya, Dakota Brookes, Memphis Monroe, Asa Akira, and Riley Rey in this torrid psychosexual experiment in curvy goodness. We can say in all honesty that while there’s not a single girl in this release we wouldn’t love to bend and sample, the thought of uncorking delightful little Dakota Brookes at the same time as Katya is enough to drive us over the edge.

“Beyond the Call of Booty 3″ releases this week from Eric Everhard & Jules Jordan Video. Take time out this holiday to appreciate the sacrifices our hero continually makes for our happiness, and the service he has so selflessly render to us all.

· “Beyond the Call of Booty 3″ (julesjordanvideo.com)

Photo by Michael Papendieck (blendeeinsacht.de, via afuckaday.blogspot.com)

Recession got you down? Is your laid off lifestyle preventing you from getting the lovin’ you want and need? Well, Joy King has got the solution to all your problems: just get into porn!

The adult industry veteran (and the power behind Jenna Jameson’s throne) “hopes to bring hope and salvation to the countries growing unemployed and laid-off workers”—all for the low, low price of just $69.69. And that’s not just for the book: you’ll also get four bonus gifts, including “top secret email” and “private tele-course”!

How could you possibly refuse this once in a lifetime offer?

· Get Into Porn (getintoporn.com)

It’s strange to think that a simple change of material could transform a garment, bringing it to a whole new level of sexy—yet that’s exactly what happens when a humble stocking becomes a fishnet.

Whether paired with heels, punk rock and ripped, or adorning a girl’s curves in a full-on body stocking, there’s just something about fishnets that sets our pulse a-racin’. (Or maybe it’s just that memory of the punk rock girl who—erotically—beat us up in high school. Oh, memories.)

Lanny Barbie (meatgalleries.com)

Anetta Keys (solomodelpics.com)

Eve (Met-Art.com)

Melissa (pimproll.com)

Vanessa (incrediblecontent.com)

Angaline (badofficegirls.com)

Melissa Midwest (melissamidwest.com)

Lana (metart.com)

Emily Saint (emilysaint.com)

Vira (slutsland.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

What does Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel do on vacation in Napa? The same thing she does anywhere else: flash her naughty bits in front of the camera.

(The only difference is that in Napa, she’s surrounded by wine barrels. At least, we think that’s what’s going on here.)

· Photos from my December vacation… finally. (xoxojoannaangel.com)

You may have heard about M.A.C.’s new Hello Kitty cosmetics line… but have you seen the commercial? The video—a sort of Alice-in-Wonderland-meets-latex-meets-Hello-Kitty fantasy—will ensure that you never see Ms. Kitty the same way again.

Well, assuming that the Hello Kitty vibrators haven’t already ruined Sanrio’s adorable icon’s image for your already.

· MAC Hello Kitty Collection Ad (youtube.com, via Violet Blue)

These days, it seems like Faye Reagan is everywhere—writhing adorably in the latest “Barely Legal POV,” slaving away at “The Office – A XXX Parody,” and—of course—reigning as one of our favorite Crush Objects.

But long before she’d staked a claim as porno’s favorite puffy nippled redhead, Faye was getting her porn bearings over at Little Mutt. And in honor of Faye’s success, Little Mutt is now featuring her—as well as Sandy Summers, Meggan Malone, and AVN’s Unsung Starlet of the Year Amber Rayne—in their Starlet Project, a celebration of Little Mutt stars who’ve risen to great porn heights.

Which is all very nice and exciting—but to be honest, they had us at “Faye Reagan naked.”

· Faye Reagan (littlemutt.com)