Spring is in the air in Porn Valley … and so are plenty of legs! Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Bet you’ve never heard that one before. (Oh, you have? A million times? I see.) Regardless, the finest of what this region has to offer frolicked anew this week, knowing

In this age of streaming hi-res video and elaborate Flash animations it’s easy to forget the old-fashioned appeal of a regular old animated .gif, but there are times when they transcend their antiquated technology and become art. Especially when they contain Playmate boobies. (artfagcity.com)

Oh hello, Jenny McClain. We really like the way you manage to keep your shower door sparkling clean while rinsing yourself off at the same time. Who needs those silly automatic bathroom cleaning gizmos anyway? (video @ yourdirtymind.com)

We think the breakdown of the oddly popular “Dancing With The Stars” viewer demographic looks something like this: 70% reality TV fans who enjoy seeing celebrities humiliated; 20% bored Americans who like voting on things with their cellphone; and 9% horny people just hoping to see one of the sexy

Web memes may come and go, but lolporn iz forever … and if we can add some lolhentai to the mix, so much the better. We can haz giant tentacle fuck now? (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)

If we’ve really sunk so low as to pimp for page views get excited about the existence of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape based on one crappy, unintelligible screen grab, there’s really not much hope for any of us. Of course, if it turns out the tape actually exists after

Following in the footsteps of Good Vibrations, Babeland recently announced the launch of their very own line of sex toys, debuting with three very promising items: the Aqua Wand, the Nubby G, and the Odyssey Tickler. They’re all made of high quality materials and come wrapped in classy packaging (=

Fox News is not afraid to take on the toughest issues facing our nation today, like asking whether your vagina is depressed. Maybe it just has a case of the Mondays? (foxnews.com, more @ nerve.com + Gawker)

A man in Taiwan hired a stripper to perform for his 103-year-old father … at his funeral. Unfortunately, the old man didn’t have enough cash to cover the two-drink minimum. (ananova.com)

We have to respect a movie that features a blindfolded transman cub on his knees getting fucked up the ass by a stranger a mere seven minutes in … you know, at the point when some higher-concept porn flicks are still rolling the credits. Yes, “Cubbyholes” cuts to the chase,

Sorry if you noticed some sluggishness (or non-existence) with our front page today. Our behind the scenes technology gnomes tell us that our server machines were a little tied up this afternoon. We don’t know exactly what that means, but we think this video is an accurate depiction of what

Internet sleuths have tracked down the video where that alleged Lindsay Lohan blowjob picture comes from and it’s just as we suspected: about four seconds of grainy low-resolution footage of someone you can’t identify giving some dude a blowjob. Also, if you listen closely to the garbled audio we believe

Just so it’s clear, Metro’s latest release “Let’s Fool Around” is not in fact a tribute to disco legend General Johnson’s 1977 classic. (Unfortunately.) It is, however, the title of a new DVD celebrating sucking, fucking, and … yes, fooling around featuring some of Europe’s cutest new sex stars and

If you haven’t heard of Baby Sinead yet it’s not for lack of trying on her part: in addition to the requisite MySpace and Xpeeps profiles, she also keeps a LiveJournal and a personal website-slash-blog and has several portfolios online to show off both her own photography and her modeling

No doubt someone at GQ sees the irony in having self-proclaimed virgin Adriana Lima on the cover of their “Love and Sex” issue. Having her on the cover of their upcoming “Love and Sex and Masturbation to Victoria’s Secret Catalogs” issue, however, is going to be a perfect choice. (areaticino.com)

This week’s sexploitation clip is not just shocking! and outrageous!—it’s also timely! You know, what with all the talk in the news of prostitutes and white slaves and greedy and powerful men who will buy your wives and daughters and use them to fulfill their own seedy desires and all.