Do you want to join the ever-growing porn biz, but only know how to take advice from educational filmstrips that were created before you were born? Then be sure to watch “Getting A Leg Up In Porn,” a documentary adventure that uses cheesy fake mustaches, all-knowing narration, and the latest 1970s technology to demonstrate how a young, naive farm girl can become a seasoned bukkake-taking professional. Actually, as authentic as this film looks, it was really the second-place winner at last year’s HUMP festival, Seattle’s best (and only) amateur porn contest. (Incidentally, you still have on week to enter the 2007 edition.) Even though entries are typically destroyed immediately after being screened, the filmmakers behind this gem knew it was too good to keep hidden. Unlike most of the faded films you were forced to watch in junior high health class, these lessons will last a lifetime.

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· Getting a Leg Up in Porn (shufuni.com, via theblogblog.net + tinynibbles.com)
· HUMP! – The Stranger’s Amateur Porn Contest! (thestranger.com)

Previously: HUMP! 2: Call for Indie Porn Submissions

Our exploration of esoteric Japanese group sex practices continues as we follow a gaggle of sexy schoolgirls back to the classroom for further lessons in lust. We’re not really sure what it is they’re supposed to be learning here, but then that’s why we keep posting these videos for you to study in the first place. (pornhost.com, via Your Dirty Mind)

Porn isn’t the only place you can pick up a nasty virus—you can just as easily get infected simply by reading the news or going shopping. Online, that is. What did you think we were talking about? (computerworld.com)

Director Ang Lee says that the sex scenes in his new movie, “Lust, Caution,” are so intense, filming them nearly gave him a nervous breakdown. Since the sex scenes in his last movie nearly gave half of America a nervous breakdown, we guess that’s only fair. (iht.com)

Most of the world was first introduced to Maggie Gyllenhaal as the executive assistant who loved to make mistakes—and get punished for them—in the movie “Secretary,” but we’re wondering if maybe some folks are confusing the actress with the role … or if maybe she’s the one who’s confused. Agent Provocateur has given Maggie the new title of Miss AP and asked her to hand out “Lessons in Lingerie” in their newest sexy knickers catalog. It looks like we have to wait a few days to learn exactly what those lessons entail, but if the wrist ties, riding crops, and her previously discussed “talents” are any indication, she seems like the kind of professor who doesn’t hand out easy As. Do you think she grades on a curve or a sliding scale?

· Maggie Gyllenhall Agent Provocateur Pics (toxicmagazine.com)
· Agent Provocateur (agentprovocateur.com)

Previously: The (Naked) Return of Kate Moss, Agent Provocateur: “Tied Up At The Office”

A warning to our brave servicemen (and -women, for that matter): The US Surgeon General would like you to know that abandoning your buddies during a pool game to go hook up with a prostitute will only lead to all sorts of nasty venereal diseases. (Or at least that’s what he said would happen back in 1941. Presumably, he’d be giving the same sort of advice now too.)

· “Sex Hygeine” (veoh.com, via sexblo.gs/Hugo Strikes Back)

The cleverly named Sexpo, an international (yes) sexuality expo that got its start in Australia, will be taking over Johannesburg from September 27-30, with 100 exhibitors offering a wide range of sexy products. Hopefully, Choice Condoms is not among them. (sundaytimes.co.za)

The fact that Rachel Rebibo refers to to her portfolio as “Photography & Voyeurism” should give you an idea of what her work is all about—and makes us like her right off the bat (hey, we like voyeurism too!) And the fact that it includes photos of pretty girls in various states of undress (check both the “Girls” and “Nudes” sections) makes us like her even more. Rebibo might enjoy peeking at others, but she lets us peek into her world of beautiful models, casual nudity, and arty lighting, thus giving us a chance to indulge in our favorite form of voyeurism too. You know, the kind that involves hot girls without clothes. As if there’s really any other kind?

· Rachel Rebibo Photography (rachelrebibo.com, via Body Collector)

Previously: Erotic Photography From Bauer Nudes, Petter Hegre’s “Fantasy Island”: Now Tattoo-Free!, Jeff Bowlin Photography, Art Nudes By Jeffrey Alexander Baehr

The “Games Convention” may or may not be a real event, but the booth babes who run the show are real flesh and blood … we hope. Those graphics are getting incredibly life-like these days. (video @ ifilm.com)

In addition to our higher air conditioning bills, climate change and pollution may be ruining the sex lives of certain animal species. Think about those poor polar bears and their shrinking penises the next time you fire up your Hummer. (newscientist.com)

We hope you spent your Labor Day weekend at the beach like Eva Longoria did. She earned her R&R … did you? (hollywoodtuna.com)

Kink must be the universal language, because even though the sprawling BDSMOnline.ru is in Russian, we have no trouble understanding it. There’s a vast database of photos, drawings and comics from artists all over the world who take the fetish lifestyle as their main source of inspiration: all the whips, ball gags, and gimp masks your pervy little heart could ever desire. With such a huge gallery and wide range of images, it’s hard to focus in on any one artist, but we will admit a particular fondness for the art of Trevor Brown and Brian Tarsis. (Not to mention this image: Marge Simpson, we had no idea!)

· BDSM Online (bdsmonline.ru; see galleries here – via Unscathed Corpse)
· Thumbnail by Trevor Brown (pileup.com/babyart)

Once again we find an officer of the law abusing their authority in order to take advantage of some helpless citizens. Imagine the nerve of this lady cop, threatening four upstanding young men with eviction unless they perform the services she demands. What choice do they have, but to comply with her wishes? The system is rotten, people, and sometimes the only thing you can do is try to stick it to the man, er …woman.

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· Female cop gets gangbanged (Megarotic)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives

If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times—if you’re going to a brothel in the middle of the Nevada desert on a 90-degree day, don’t leave your two year old in the car while you’re inside partying. If you can pay for sex, you can pay for a baby sitter. (rgj.com)

Have you ever wondered what Ron Jeremy’s secret to success with the ladies is? Apparently it involves standing behind a woman and then … that’s about it. He’s still got it, folks! (tmz.com)

There may be no place like home, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to that nesting instinct all the time. The writers of in today’s collection of some of our favorite moments from the sex blog scene this week give a sexy shout-out to bars, hotels, brothels, and airports. With so many places to come, you may never want to go home again.

Pack your bag and indulge your wanderlust (especially the lust part) with Chelsea Girl after the jump.

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Sex Blog Roundup
by Chelsea Girl

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Ex-Egesis

By the time we arrived at the Bowery, I was piss wasted. Literally.

“I’ve got to pee,” I announced.

“Really?” asked John with sudden interest.

“You think anyone would care if I just … pissed on the stage?” I asked, longing to release a burning stream while everyone watched.

“I’m pretty sure I would applaud.” I could see him getting hard through his jeans. “In fact, I’ll take a private show later. But not here; you might get arrested.”

- Sexegesis

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Chimeras on Friday

Once in our room, we strip down, crank up the air conditioner, and lay out the toys. We’re in the mood for some serious teasing and denial and some overdue cunnilingus. But first, my little penis and balls get hooked up to the Eros Tek power box. Em leans back with the remote trigger in hand and tells me to shut up and get to work.

One of the pleasures of being in a long term, happy relationship is the lack of pressure you feel about pleasing your partner. Sure, Em intends to zap me now and then if I lose focus. That’s part of the fun for her and the fun fear factor for me.

- Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse

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Sex and Money

We moved on to the fourth room, which was the Brothel. We had lots of money and we wanted to buy a whore or two to please us sexually. There were male and female whores selling themselves. We looked around and we both chose the same man. He was a young and beautiful transman – tall and slender with long blond hair. He sported a nice sized strap-on cock. We approached him. “How much for you to fuck?” He told us 200 for vaginal, 300 for anal. Well, he certainly was affordable! “OK, I want you to fuck my girlfriend and if I like what I see, I want you to fuck me, too.”

- Lolita’s Predictions and Predilections

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Sooke

He comes back in and eyes me, smiling. I direct him to the bed and he looks intrigued. Sitting him down, I grasp his wrist and lay the rope around it, slowly building a wide wrist cuff, which I tie off before guiding the excess rope behind his back and to his other wrist. I don’t have quite as much rope so the cuff is slightly smaller but just as secure. He looks at me and his eyes seem confused and complacent. It’s a look I know well – it’s a challenge. He wants to be bound some more; he wants to feel wholly restrained – but yet, he’s resistant.

- The Red Sneaker Diaries

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The Weekend, Part 1

Finally i walked up to the man in the black suit and said softly, “i think you might be waiting for me.” i was looking at the ground, inspecting it for a crack that i could beg to open up and swallow me when he said in a warm voice, “Then you must be miss brooke.” Dang. He really was there for me. i shook my head indicating that yes i was and he took my bag from me and said, “Mr. _____ was delayed so I will be driving you to the house. He said to make sure you call Him from the car.” i nodded again and then followed him dutifully out of the airport to the limo. As soon as he shut the door behind me my eyes filled with tears…partly from humiliation, but mostly from disappointment. i wanted my Master to be there to greet me. i had imagined it repeatedly over the past week and not once did i imagine a large, beefy man in a black suit holding up a sign that said, ‘slut’ across it in bold, capital letters.

- Puppytales

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tippi’s first task

She felt so warm and soft and smelled so good that I soon corked off, only to be awakened a few minutes later by the feel of her wet tongue snaking up and down the crack of my ass. I felt her pry my cheeks apart and then felt the tip of her amazingly talented tongue pressing against my anus, trying to force its way past my sphincter. Unfortunately the sphincter won, but undaunted she dropped down a bit and began to lick my scrotum, sucking the loose flesh into her mouth and letting it slip out between her teeth. I would have cautioned her against biting but she seemed to need no instruction.

- The Journal of an Insecure Dominant

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See also: Sugasm #95: The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them (sugasm.com)

Thumbnail via Public Invasion (TGP/preview gallery via Ask Jolene)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive

The one-named Layla reminds us of the only reason anyone should still be watching professional wrestling. Well, her and the occasional steel chair to the back of the head. (fhmonline.com)

Virgin is now offering to mortgage your home and plant impure thoughts about your grandparents into your brain. If we buy a stupid house, will you make it stop? (news.com.au)

Officials looking for human rights abuses at a London police station hit pay dirt when they find one of the cops abusing himself in an unused cell. Where’s Amnesty International when you need them? (thesun.co.uk)

As far as indigenous articles of clothing go, saris don’t usually rank quite as high in their sexiness quotient as, say, the bikini or the Brazilian thong. (Maybe all those yards and yards of fabric might have something to do with it?) Membership site Sari Secrets, however, aims to change all that via a combination of “sexy clothing, beautiful women, and inspired photography”; while there’s a tantazlizing assortment of preview pics on view, members will be treated to two full updates a week featuring Indian and Western models peeling off the layers to reveal all the luscious curves that lurk beneath those saris, lenghas, and ghagra cholis. (Er, whatever those are; presumably members will get a crash course on all the varieties of Indian-inflected women’s clothing ensembles as part of the bargain.) You’ll never look at subcontinental fashions in quite the same way again!

· Sari Secrets (sarisecrets.com, via Indie Nudes)

Previously: Desi Babes, Indian MMS Porn Scandals, India Times Babes